Posted by HelentheCelt
2008-09-26 11:03:04
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I really enjoyed this- a very unusual and skilfully written poem.
Reminds me somewhat of this 1920's film 'Metropolis' with the mechanical woman and stuff.
Well done!
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Posted by Hodders
2008-09-26 11:05:02
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Wow I'll have to try and see that film!
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Posted by allmine
2008-09-26 11:06:18
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Oooh great poem Alex. I love the mechanical, industrail feel to the whole thing. So she broke up with you via text? That's pretty brutal. Great poem again...
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Posted by Hodders
2008-09-26 11:07:52
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Yep true story actually. It happened about three months ago.
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Posted by allmine
2008-09-26 11:11:10
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Sorry to hear that...she could have at least called you and talked to you.
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Posted by Hodders
2008-09-26 11:15:15
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Especially after seven months, but I haven't talked to her since!
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Posted by Pilgrim
2008-09-26 11:19:51
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Good.
Fast-flowing and smooth. I had no problems getting to the end. The message was also clear and well-written.
Good job.
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Posted by Amatayo
2008-09-26 12:10:01
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I get the poem but somehow the metaphor escapes me.
but why?
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Posted by Ashutosh
2008-09-26 12:36:02
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Brilliant! I could actually feel and visualise everything. The clarity and composition were great. It was very poignant, well-written and it had a great deal told in in very few words. Good Job!
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Posted by r.e.potter
2008-09-26 12:43:41
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Did u get my text I just sent cha about this poem? I got one of these old phones so you need to decipher it.
54533 48
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Posted by harmattan
2008-09-26 16:38:47
ex machina
o you and potter both have very old mobiles that have cogs whirring and gears crunching.
My father told me about them!
O.J.
But I get the metaphor.
Sad that technology is eradicating real words and presenting opportunity for totally inadequate communication, which too many people believe in.
Perhaps we should have listened to the warnings of the farseers of the 1920's, (such as Fritz Lang).
Harmattan.
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Posted by lemon
2008-09-27 21:33:01
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Good job.. I liked the way you related mechanics (cold, without feeling) to a person. I thought this was done very well and with no wasted words.
=]
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