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Hazy Tales #01This story may contain adult content. |
| Written by Neil Sweetman | |
| Tuesday, 16 September 2008 | |
I would get off with her; I would sleaze onto her and eventually make out with her under the bridge then laugh at her on Monday down the bus depot after school. I would pronounce to everyone that she had lowered herself enough to let me stick my stupid tongue in her prissy mouth, maybe even get a grope here or there. I was confident; I was halfway through my twang and feeling good, I knew I could do it, I'm no Sean Connery but I’m no ******* Quazimodo either, and thanks to BBC 2 Learning Zone I knew enough general knowledge to talk to almost anyone about almost anything. I downed the last half of my Buckfast in one gulp, which immediately made me feel a little ill; I was drinking on an empty stomach that night as I was on a downer due to the previous night and feeling generally shitty all day, but I was about to cheer myself up. I casually strolled over and interrupted her conversation with Gerard Dolan, local B-boy and fuckwit, he was on the same mission as myself, I could tell straight away, ‘Not today, Dolan’. “Well Stacy, how ye doin?” I greeted her nonchalantly as I lit up a cigarette, Bogarde style. She turned around and looked surprised, she smiled at me, she was definitely drunk. “Anthony! How are ye? What are ye up to?” “Not much, just ****** around, ye know? Getting stupid.” I said this with a grin, an inside joke to myself. “Me too. I’m soo drunk!” She said this and stumbled a little. I began my game plan. “Hey, Stacy, listen. I know we’ve never been friends or anything and we’ve had some arguments and stuff but I just wanted you to know that I think you’re cool and I’ve always wanted to get to know you better.” She looked at me with an open mouth and held her heart with both hands, she was suckered in, I was Humphrey ******* Bogarde, man. “Oh, Anthony. That’s so sweet, I want you to get to know me better too.” She smiled and touched my elbow, that’s all I needed. I smiled back at her and gave her a hug. I looked at Dolan and told him too **** off with my eyes, he looked a little vexed, he gathered up his stuff and split, Stacy didn’t even notice. I asked her if she wanted to smoke a joint with me under the bridge and she said yes, everything was going swimmingly so far. We sat down under the bridge and as I rolled the spliff she talked, and talked, and talked and talked and talked, don’t ask me about what, her yapping almost put me off my plan altogether but I could tell she was softening up and getting comfortable, I wasn’t, my stomach was churning, I could feel my drink coming back up but I managed to keep it down. I sparked up the joint and ho ped it would chill my stomach out a bit then I passed it to Stacy hoping it would chill her out a bit too. She began toking and I moved a little closer, inch by inch until our thighs were touching, I slipped my arm around her waist and looked into her bloodshot eyes. We shared a moment of silence before we kissed. I was ecstatic, my plan had worked perfectly, she had been duped good and proper and my revenge was sweet. I had to contain my evil laughter as we made out, then an unexpected bonus happened. About thirty seconds into the kiss my drunkenness mixed with my stoned-ness and the result was quite messy. My chunky vomit came straight up and went straight down her throat, Stacy pulled back and caused the rest to spray all over her tits. She stood up and spat out some chunks, she stood dumbfounded for a second, staring at me in disbelief with an open mouth for a few seconds before screaming in horror and running off covered in purple puke stains. I finished vomiting, it was hard because I was laughing hysterically at the same time, when I was finished I couldn’t feel any better, I noticed Stacy had dropped the spliff on her way out so I picked it up and re-sparked it. After a few puffs I got up and began to walk home, smiling the entire way, man, I was looking forward to Monday down the bus depot. Copyright 2008 Neil Sweetman |
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 16 September 2008 ) |
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