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RosesThis story may contain adult content. |
| Written by Joe | |
| Friday, 29 August 2008 | |
I took one last look at her sparkling eyes, silky hair, and slender body. The mere sight of her smile brightened my day, filling an ordinary day with beauty, and color. It almost made me forget about the long period of time we'd be apart. I watched as she followed her friends, her little purple carry-on by her side. My nose caught a slight hint of her scent and my soul went flying. She disappeared from the room, and the vibrant colors seemed to become a dull grey and black. The moment she left for Paris, I confirmed to myself she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but it was too late to tell her. She was already boarding. A small tear fell from the corner of my eye, but I quickly wiped it clean. "She's not leaving forever," I whispered to myself. With a forced smile to falsely calm my unrest mind, I left the airport. The half-hour drive seemed much longer without her in the passenger seat next to me. Sadness seemed to consume all other emotions in my head. It's not forever...We're not broken up...I had no clue why this depression was taking over, but whatever the reason, I had no control. I cautiously asked myself, "Is this true love, or an obsession?" I shook my head. I didn't want to answer the question, but I was afraid it was already evident. Finally, after too much time spent with myself, I came up to my driveway. The momentary thought it took to turn the car and park it in the garage took my mind off of my troubles, but the second I stepped out of the car, they all came flooding back. After I got inside, I stood in front of my small grey sofa and allowed my body to go limp. My body told me I was tired, but my racing mind wouldn't let me sleep. Before long, my eyes began to grow heavy. My brain attempted to steady itself but failed, still I was slowly drifting out of conciseness. Two quick blinks and my vision went blank.
I stood in a room. The room was empty aside from a bed in the corner. I glanced down, I was holding a lone rose in my right hand. I heard laughter from outside the door, and before long the doorknob turned. It was her. She stumbled a bit, but made her way to the bed. My eyes brightened, and the bland grey view of the room suddenly filled with color. The door suddenly opened again. The color quickly faded away. A man walked towards her, but I couldn't see his face. My gaze shifted to the rose in my hand, which had become shriveled and useless. I dropped the flower on the ground and raced up to the man to see who it was. Before I got there, his lips met with hers and I stopped in my tracks. I felt paralyzed. My legs froze up as their lips met again, this time more passionately. I tried to yell but no words would come out, I tried to close my eyes but they wouldn't shut. I clenched my teeth and waited for it to end...
My head flew up, sweat flying off my face. I panted heavily as my eyes raced back and forth. Shaking my head, I quickly hopped up off of the sofa. I stumbled, practically falling, making my way just barely to the kitchen cabinet where my pills were. I reached in, grabbing a small orange bottle labeled Sarafem. I frantically pushed the cap off and allowed several pills to fall into my palm. I pulled my hand up to my mouth, I didn't care how many went in I just wanted this feeling to end. I reached shakily for a small cup in the cabinet above some extra Sarafem bottles. With my open hand I pushed the faucet to full blast and I watched impatiently as it filled the cup. With god knows how many pills waiting in my mouth, I pushed the cup to my lips. One long hard swallow. The feeling of every last pill sliding down my throat calmed my nerves. I knew it was bad, but I didn't care. I took a one deep, calming breath and put the pill bottle back. As I began walking out of the kitchen, I froze when my gaze met with a vase sitting on the counter. The vase was filled with roses I was planning on giving her before she left. I swore once under my breath for forgetting, but that wasn't what really got to me. Each one was shriveled and dead. I drifted my way towards the bouquet. Gently, my hand reached down and pulled out one of the wilted flowers. Twirling it, I examined the frail pedals which crumpled and fell to the ground with each hint of movement. I ran my fingers down the stem. I tried to be careful, but apparently I wasn't careful enough. I winced as the tip of my finger brushed against a thorn, piercing and tearing my skin. I let go and the rose fell to the ground with a drop of blood following closely behind it. Suddenly, a swift rage consumed my body. I clenched my teeth to keep from screaming. My breathing went from calm to heavy and distressed. I grabbed the rest of the bouquet and whipped it across the room in an angry fit. Quickly and abruptly, I turned around and my fist met the wall the wall carrying all of my might with it. All of a sudden, the anger melted away. I felt a sharp pain in my hand as I pulled it back from the wall. Blood ran down the front of my knuckles. Looked up, I noticed the cracked wall was now stained red. I fell back onto the sofa, with tears swelling up in my eyes. Within the next few minutes, I cried myself to sleep.
I stood in a room, the same room as before. The bed in the corner of the room was untouched. With a feeling I hadn't felt for a long while, I glided over to the bed and sat down in an attempt to recognize. I looked down, there was a rose on the floor. The rose was a beautiful shade of red, full of life and innocence. Suddenly, it hit me. Happiness. I felt happy. My eyes shifted up. I scanned the rest of the room, it was beautiful and colorful. There was no dull grey, and I felt no depression. The knob on the door turned and quickly caught my attention. The door opened, she came in. She came towards me surrounded by a heavenly glow. Her hand touched my chest and our lips locked. Every taste I had ever craved, I tasted in her mouth. I never wanted to leave this moment. For an instant, my eyes drifted to the rose on the ground. It's life had drained leaving it rusty brown and dry. I looked around the room, the vibrant color had returned to the dull grey it was before. My eye met with the eye of another, but it wasn't her eye. I found myself standing in the middle of the room behind her. I stood watching the passionate kiss with my love and a strange man who wasn't me. I couldn't explain what had just happened, but my heart sank. Each part of her body his hand touch, brought chills up my spine. His wandering hands found their way up her shirt, and my head filled with anger. I tried to yell, but my mouth seemed sewn shut. Her hand rubbed it's way down his pants and my blood ran cold. At that point my anger became sadness once again. Tears streamed down my cheek. I tried to turn away but I was stuck, paralyzed as before. I tried to close my eyes, but they wouldn't shut. My body began to shake and I fell to my knees. I felt dead yet I still had to watch...
I opened my eyes with a gasp. My clothes were soaked with sweat. I let out a slight cough, and realized I felt sick to my stomach. A warm substance jolted up my throat and stung the inside of my mouth. I pushed my palm as hard as I could against my mouth and darted for the bathroom. I barely got there before everything I had eaten in what seemed like the past week came up in both solid and liquid form. I coughed as it came out, barely able to breathe, I hated the sensation. I gasped for air as the remains from my stomach continued to pour out, unfortunately swallowing a bit of it. My throat pushed what was left of the vomit out and I could finally breathe in. The air tasted hideously disgusting but it was still air. With my tongue still laced with the horrendous taste, I spit into the toilet a couple of times then pushed myself to my feet. I made my way out to the kitchen and got a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with water. Gulping down the liquid as if I hadn't quenched my thirst in years, my eyes caught a slight glimpse of the orange pill bottle in the cabinet. I can't, it's not good if I have too many...My conscience ate at me, but my body ignored it. My hand drifted towards the bottle. Voices in my head told me to stop, but I shut them out and kept going. My fingers wrapped around the bottle, and I emptied it into my hand. There were only a few left, no more then five. Don't do it...You've already had enough today...I shoved them all into my mouth and swallowed. I felt good. For a split second I was removed from all my troubles. I almost felt as if everything in life actually made sense. For that split second I didn't have to think, I was at peace with nature, society, life, and most of all, myself. Sadly the split second was just that, and it ended abruptly. I grew dizzy, to dizzy to move. My balance gave out and my knees hit the floor. I felt my head slam against the counter, and not even an instant after, everything went black.
I stood in the room again. I knew what was going to happen in the room, so I prepared myself and awaited and dreaded the moment. My vision faded. When it came back, I was in field of roses. They were all bright red. I felt the a joy consuming me, but I pushed it away, knowing I would just get torn back into a depression soon anyway. The bright red literally melted off the roses and they all became dark, but not dead, and grey. I looked around, awaiting my love to tear my heart out once again, but she didn't come. I felt something hard in my pocket. It was the engagement ring I bought for her, but was had been afraid to ask for the past three months. My fingers explored the polished gold and the sparkling diamonds. I touched every crevice of the stone before I pulled it out. The sun suddenly rose up making the diamonds from the ring sparkle and glitter. I looked down, all the color had returned to the roses. My gaze shifted up, and there she stood. Her smile was entrancing, almost forcing me to smile back. I glanced down at the ring in my hand and I got down on my knees and held it out to her. I opened my mouth to speak...
I awoke this time with a smile, the first real one in what seemed like forever. My eyes opened to a bright white surrounding me. I felt my hand being squeezed, not the type of squeeze to cause pain, but the type of squeeze a worried mother would give to a sick child. I heard a man's voice, "We found this next to him. Fluoxetine Hydrochloride, or Sarafem. They are a form depression pills. They can cause serious mood swings, and like all drugs, can be deadly if too many are taken. We're lucky you found him in time." A woman's voice came, seemingly distant from the conversation the man was trying to start, "I'm so glad I didn't leave...I can't explain it...I just couldn't go," It was her! My heart jumped and I sat up. "Ah I see you're awake," said the man, who I now noticed was a doctor, "Lie back down, you need to rest." A smile made its way across my face. I felt an authentic happiness, nothing false from a dream. With no response from either of us, the doctor began to walk out, "I'll just leave you two alone for now." She spoke, her voice was beautiful, "My god, are you alright?" I nodded. I became entranced with her heavenly eyes gazing into mine. Her soft lips curled slightly in what looked like a relieved half-smile. My eyes followed her long, silky, brown hair down to her shoulders. Every part of her reminded me just how much I loved her. Her voice came again, just as heavenly and beautiful as the first time, "Just as I got onto the plane, I felt a strong urge...I can't quite explain it, but I just felt like I couldn't leave. I needed to get back to you. I-I love you." What she said warmed my heart, I tried to tell her I loved her too but I choked on my words. My thoughts then drifted to the ring. It's time. I reached down for my pocket, but they had changed me into a hospital gown when they brought me in. Do it anyway... "I have something for you..." I said in a very raspy voice, "But it's in my pants...and I don't know where those are. I also have a speech to go along with it...But it's in writing...and I haven't started it yet." Her eyes met mine, "What are you trying to say?" My smile widened, I thanked god that I was finally at this moment and I wasn't even nervous, "I love you so much," the suspense grew even though I felt that she knew what I was about to say, "Will you marry me?" She took a deep breath, I noticed the smallest tear run down her cheek, and I prayed to god it was a tear of joy. A smile came over her face matching mine, and that instant I knew what her answer was. She wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my chest, "I love you too," she whispered into my ear. I wrapped my arms around her, and I never wanted to let go, "You are my life," I whispered, "I never want to be anywhere without you." I glanced over to the other side of the room. There was a vase full of roses, and they were not dead or grey or shriveled up, they were alive and beautiful. The worst day in my life, the day I almost died, became the best day I could ever ask for.
Copyright 2008 Joe |
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