The Adventures Of Pugswallow, Chapter 1

Pugswallow sat in a mud puddle popping bubbles and...

Under Pressure

Vianne stood outside and stared at the flat tire on...

me and ego on the porch


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Written by kelvin   
Tuesday, 26 August 2008

there is a smoking sidewalk mountain gazing

over a yard-grass jungle

there's a heavy dew collecting

and

two giants sitting on the horizon.

one of them leaned over

and

the earth was shaking.

he said:

     "never been this high before."

well the other just laughed himself dead.

then all the earth was still and silent.

alive and aloud the giant wondered:

     "is that the end?"

the horizon did not answer

and

the stars did not blink

they were staring stupid

at a giant sitting on the horizon

with nobody for company but the empty sky.

 

so he stood.

his shoulders seperated clouds

and

his head poked through the atmosphere

his eyes glared at the sun

and

he breathed in everything

he inhaled the moon and stars and mars

until there was nothing

just a giant and his oversized belly

standing on the blue earth.

 

for centuries it remained

standing

until eventually a belch

and with this the universe was born again

and in honor of his fallen friend

it was named

the adalai cosmos.



Copyright 2008 kelvin
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Comments (7)
Posted by harmattan
2008-08-26 18:34:40
adalai

Is that Charles Adalia of Dallas Texas, the famous rip-off attorney?

But I do know this.

You are Kelvin Carl.

You have a poetry talent.

But do not have the personality to carry it off.

Poems without context are chocolate tea-pots

Get a life, a personality and an ego, and try again.

You might succeed.

It is worth a try.

Isn't it?

Kind regards

Harmattan
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Posted by briantimothy
2008-08-26 19:38:46
mmhm

sounds like a separate heaven,

those adalai cosmos

somewhere i definately

would like to be

but the smell of the

belch may be a bit

unbearable...

too bad for the fallen friend

hopefully the roses will

bloom where adalai lies

sleeping

that way kids can pick em

and throw em everywhere

and spread the love

like jam.
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Posted by Dirkin
2008-08-26 20:19:21
....

Interesting. I was reminded of some sort of creation fairy tale, like the dreamtime of the Aboriginal people.
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Posted by kelvin carl
2008-08-27 08:05:17
harmattan, brian, and durkin

my dad would say:

"you know your shit."

and as the apple

does not fall far

from the tree,

i will say the same.

i would add these inquiries,

directed towards you Harmattan,

what kind of personality would be required to "carry it off"? and, in context, how is success defined? I suppose that you mean my lack of ego ergo without personality and therefore fail. in any case, yes, it is worth a try.

brian, be assured, flowers are in bloom where adalai lies.

durkin, thank you for your comment. it most certainly is a creation fair tale.
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Posted by harmattan
2008-08-28 18:39:22
Kelvin-

- don't be so subjective, (or paranoid, some of us are here to try to help, and you should have no cause to doubt that.)

I was referring only to the deliberate lack of personality in your profile.

You are a fledgling poet, and possibly a good one, certainly much better than me, I can only do ballads.

Now, did your dad say

"You know you are shit",

or did your dad say

"You know your shit".

The two things are entirely different.

The second phrase is a compliment.

So thankyou for your confidence.

Kind regards

harmattan
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Posted by Ashutosh
2008-08-29 13:27:03
....

Well, not a bad poem. Good imagery. I think I like it most because you have tried to do something pretty different and stretched your imagination.

It was good in its own way though a little obscure. I'd suggest polishinh up your work a little more. And I think capitalisations were missing but thats your call.

Keep writing!
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Posted by Pilgrim
2008-09-09 13:31:56
....

Interestingly off the wall. I was taken away into an imaginative world, though I wanted to stop, yet I was compelled to read it all the way through. Creative, yet simple; simply creative.
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