It Doesn't Take Much, Chapter 1

Great. Just GREAT. The check engine light has...

Plastic

Plastic Taking the knife to...

No Forgiveness
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Written by Amatayo   
Monday, 25 August 2008
As these dark thoughts creep ever incessantly in my mind.

I feel that the needle is all that I have to make them blind.



Every shot in the arm it makes me fly.

But every shot in the arm makes my dear wife cry.



But she does not understand what it takes.

To work all day around people who are fake.



So to ease the pain I get a little.

And her feelings I do have to belittle.



Until that night it all went wrong.

For I proved to be great and extremely strong.



For a man he broke right into my home.

And I heard his noises as he roamed.



Standing up I drew my bat.

And swung it until I heard a splat.



Seeing as his motion ceased.

I drop the bat and went to sleep.



Waking up I felt the strain.

The after effects of the needles pain.



So I start to walk down my hall.

I see a trail of blood across the walls.



As the memory's of the night flood back.

I remember the man I killed with my bat.



Then suddenly I remembered it all.

For it was my wifes blood on the wall.

Copyright 2008 Amatayo
Keyword: No Forgiveness
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Comments (5)
Posted by Dr Lucifer
2008-08-26 04:53:29
Not Fake

So while everyone else was fake he thought he wasn't? Of course, that's very to life. And so are the delusions. Excellent prose that is dark but deserves the very best rating.
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Posted by Ashutosh
2008-08-26 08:31:18
....

Not a bad poem. More of a prose poem. A story within a poem, and well-told. Pretty strong imagery and it didn't get vague and ambigous at any point.

Good work! Write on!
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Posted by Eternal_Bliss440
2008-08-26 10:26:47
....

I liekd the poem but I felt it could add so much more without the rhyming at the end. To me it made it seeem liek a verison that was made to hidd all the details. I like the suprising twist at the end and I like hpw well it flowed .Good job!
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Posted by Behind_the_Mask
2008-08-26 11:11:44
....

Liked it.

I thought it was hilarious how he killed the intruder, well who he thought as an intrueder, and then he went to sleep.

Sucks for his wife, that’s gotta be a bad day to say the least.

Nice work.

Keep it up.
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Posted by Kasi Elaborated
2008-08-29 15:33:43
Hmmmmmm

Maybe the fake people are the ones whom do not know themselves in the pit of their addictions, nor can they distinct reality from life, making their own existance a counterfeit copy of what they think is a dream.
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Last Updated ( Monday, 25 August 2008 )
 
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