Outside she sees unicorns playing around.

Fairies come to greet her.

She feels so happy here.

She feels like she belongs here for once.

Until an axe crushes her world.

Drowning in her own pool of misery.

Her mind wants her to go.

Neglect and pain is trying to get inside.

Her mother long gone.

Her father consumed by a monster.

She feels there is no hope for her.

Little girl is lead by her friends

to a cliff overlooking endless falling

She looks down, her friends disappear

She looks behind once more

Sees nothing reaching out to her.

Her friends transform into black winged angels

They push her off.

She falls.

She can't get up.

Her father looks past the monster now.

She was long dead before he could reach her.

Now he swims in the same pool his daughter once was in.

Keyword: girl suicide

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Comments (13)

Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-08-25 09:44:45 Wow! Terrific. Tragic. A masterpiece. I need to read more of your Poems! This was awesome, sad, and a great piece of literature. Kudos on a job well done! + Report this comment
Posted by indianaman130 2008-08-25 09:45:35 .... Harsh feelings crush innocence. I'm guessing the pool is alcohol and as the young are less, they are the first to fall into the bad habits they are surrounded by. We don't have to be what we see, but breaking bonds, both phsyical and mental can be the hardest things to do. + Report this comment
Posted by Dirkin 2008-08-25 09:57:07 .... Very good. I wonder what monster the father was consumed by. I felt a sense of the tragedy that comes with the loss of innocence. Well told + Report this comment
Posted by hrosv 2008-08-25 10:35:17 .... Good imagery. I liked the black-winged angels part, as I could see it unfolding in my mind. + Report this comment
Posted by Behind_the_Mask 2008-08-25 15:41:18 1234567890 Wow that was quite tragic, it left me feeling regret as I was immersed in the poem even though I was unable to help the girl I was there when she jumped. The monster the father had I believe is determined by the reader weather it was abuse or just something different, that choice to leave the specifics out made it even more powerful. Great job. + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-08-25 16:36:13 .... Very nice job. this was a very intense piece. I felt desperate and sad and angry all at once while reading this. Like Dirkin, I wonder what monster the father was. Great job =] + Report this comment
Posted by nick711 2008-08-25 16:57:12 .... Very tragic and intense. A truly good read, almost like a story in the format of a poem, which are a favorite of mine. Keep up the good work. + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-08-25 18:36:10 .... The over all poem I was not feeling but then the end was just amazing I have to give you a hand that was crazy. It is always good to have a twist to the story. And then to have it being a tragedy made it really good. + Report this comment
Posted by r.e.potter 2008-08-25 18:44:11 .... This was very good. The 3rd stanza through me for a bit but the other 3 are fantastic. A dad now sober or drug free(whatever the monster was)but is to late raising/loving his daughter(he was never there)and now understanding,,,she is gone and its to late...loved ot. + Report this comment
Posted by Terry Collett 2008-08-26 02:12:32 .... Well composed poem. Lucidly written conveying the storyline well. Tragic, mood piece. Enjoyed. + Report this comment
Posted by jagblane 2008-08-27 16:38:17 .... ah the tradgic youth how entertaining they are. It has to be the best thing about being young the feeling that you are the first person to feel any emotion. Carry on writing so when you reach maturity you can look back and see how many others have been on the same journey. When you do you will see just how unalone you are. + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-09-04 15:08:02 .... I liked how you twisted the end so the cycle will continue within the family. Muahahahahaha!!!! But seriously this was a good piece. It was vague enough to where the reader can draw their own conclusions on the coming downfall of the girl and her father. 5 points! + Report this comment
Posted by hafwit 2008-10-24 11:34:30 excellent this said so much with so few words! Sad but true is this story. + Report this comment

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