Once upon the time there was a little girl , she lived her whole life hearing others talk about fair,she grow up day by day wanting to be the sky, spreading her spirit wings trying her best to fly,things went good for her till she meet this little boy, he was so very cute while playing with a soldier toy,she sat next to him and sang a song of i am in love,his eyes felt it strong went in cry challenging rain,something was hurting him, something was bringing pain, they were so young to feel that word, they were so young to protect that world, they sat there hand in hand, drawing circles in the sand, yet after the sun went to sleep and night with stars begin to creep, they kissed the waves with a shining eyes, letting the day remmember the cries, setting tears awake on the way, till sun burn the dry weaken clay

Thats a story in poem, its is not that good for i wrote it in 5 minutes while i am in my lecture, so maybe no one will like it but i just wrote my thoughts so wella

Have Fun All

Keyword: Lovely Attribute

Report this story | Add to Favorites | Send to Friends | Author's Profile

No Comments posted

Comments (4)

Posted by indianaman130 2008-08-25 09:20:55 .... Lovely words from a lazy mind. Like all things in life, excellence comes with work and persistent persiverance. I'd would guess your young, trying to see if your good at something. Hardly anyone is a writing prodigy, you have to train your mind to think, to express. critique: started great, lost your meaning some in the middle, and your ending was decent. could be great if you take the time and put the effort in. + Report this comment
Posted by Ashutosh 2008-08-25 10:16:09 .... Dear Never alive, whats the use of writing something which you very well know one may not read? Not because the content is disagreeable but the way it's written. The language, the style itself makes it unreadable. Even if the content is good and one may like it, one would hardly proceed to do so. + Report this comment
Posted by hrosv 2008-08-25 10:33:28 Decent I often scribble poems when I'm bored in lectures as well, so I can relate. This is nice. A poem-style layout would be a great benefit to the story. Easier on the eyes, perhaps? + Report this comment
Posted by harmattan 2008-08-25 14:59:00 Attribute love You are not "never alive", you are "yet unborn" so don't even start to worry about where it is all going.....Get to here first. This could be an effective poem. But you have to work on it. You are going to have to break in to a bit of a sweat. Get your next idea down as a concentrateed thought rather than a diversion, and don't make excuses. Looking forward..... Kind regards Harmattan + Report this comment

Post a comment

Post a comment