It was finally lunch time and I was happy. Mom was too busy to make breakfast for me this morning and we were out of milk so I couldn't have any cereal.Everybody got in line and marched as Miss Leth led us into the lunch room. The 5th graders were just finishing up and heading out to recess leaving the cafeteria open for us 3rd graders.

Today was chili day which made me happy because school chili was good. It wasn't red like Dad's chili but that was okay. The lunch lady gave me my tray when I got to the front and afterwards I looked for Shawn and Jared to sit with. For some reason they were sitting with Chris and all of his friends. I walked up to see if I could squeeze between them.

"Sorry Mark we don't have any room. But it's ok we'll see you out on the playground." Jared said from over his shoulder.

"Okay," I said feeling hurt. Looking around the cafeteria I spotted an empty table near the playground doors. Sitting down I unwrapped my spork and began opening my crackers when Zack Underwood and his group of 5th grade friends sat down on each side of me. I was surrounded.

"What've you got there?" Zack asked draping his hand over my shoulder.

"Chili," I muttered nervously.

"You like chili?" His friend Kenny asked with a smirk.

"Yeeeeeaaaah," I replied warily.

"Well we've got some extra chili outside. Why don't you come out and we'll give it to you."

I shifted uncomfortably, "but I've already got chili right here."

"What THIS chili?" David asked dumping milk into my styrofoam bowl. "Doesn't look like its very good to me am I right Zack?

"Yeah," Zack replied, "you don't want THAT chili man. Just come on outside and you can have all the chili you want."

They didn't wait for my reply. Three pairs of hands grasped on to my shoulders and arms hauling me up onto my feet and rushing me out the playground doors. Once outside I was discreetly led to the back of the utility shed where three bowls of chili were half buried in gravel. David and Kenny shoved me up against the wall as Zack stood an inch away from my face.

"You ready for your chili kid?" He mockingly asked grabbing the first bowl.

"Come on you guys I didn't do anything to you just let me go." I pleaded shivering in fear.

"Don't worry kid we're gonna let you go." Zack said. "Turn him around."

I was suddenly face planted into the brick wall as hands grabbed at my sweat pants stretching them away from my body.

"Hope you're hungry," Zack said arrogantly as I felt thick warm clumps drop into my underwear. Tears began to stream down my cheeks as I choked down my sobs.

"Don't you scream," Kenny whispered into my ear. "It won't be good for you." Gravel shifted across the ground as Zack picked up another bowl.

"Here's seconds," he said pouring another warm body of chunk into my buttocks.

I clenched my eyes tightly shut as I waited for this horrible moment to be over with. As Zack poured the final bowl Kenny and David laughed hysterically as if something funny was actually going on instead of life long trauma being inflicted on a younger kid. After the last bowl was empty Zack released my elastic band snapping it back against my skin. The warm rocky chili collided with my jewels and buttocks shaping itself inside its new home. Wracked with laughter Kenny and David forcefully pushed me to the ground. Rocks cut my elbows and hands as I landed and Zack made a point of spitting on my face.

"You leave that in there for the rest of the day," he said sticking his index finger between my eyes.

The three of them turned and walked away slapping each other on the back in between fits of laughter as I laid splayed out on the ground with a pound of beef and beens in my drawers. Just then the recess bell rang demanding us all to return to class. Grudgingly I hoisted myself off the ground and trudged to the entrance of the school.

I noticed I was the last kid coming in. Thank God. Hopefully nobody would notice the brown stain secreting through the back of my pants. On the way back to class I made sure to walk with my back to the wall to avoid any unwelcome incidents. As I approached Miss Leth's room I stealthily crept up to the pane of glass in the door to peer inside. She appeared to be teaching the class in her usual manner and had hopefully not noticed my abscence. Sweat poured down my face as I wondered just how in the Hell I was going to make it inside unnoticed.

"I need to go to the bathroom and clean up," I thought instantly turning around. Sprinting down the hall I felt a gleam of hope that maybe I could still salvage this day along with my dignity. As I walked into the bathroom Zack Underwood suddenly jumped out of a stall slamming me against it's side.

"I thought I told you to leave it in there," he said menacingly jamming his fist into my face.

"I just had to pee," I tried to explain before he launched me through the door and into the hallway. Terrified I ran back to class bursting into the room as the door slammed behind me. All of a sudden twenty-two pairs of eyes were on me. Those three seconds of silence stretched for far too long as I stood in the center of attention. The chili began to move south.

"Sorry I'm late," I blurted to Miss Leth rushing to my seat. Snickers and whispers spread throughout the rows as I passed on my way to my desk.

"Mark pooped his pants," Lindsay Meyer whispered to Sarah Oklain.

"Mark's got brown butt," Henry Ingle snickered to Luke Casper a little too loudly.

"Is everything ok Mark?" Miss Leth asked cocking her eyebrow.

"Yes mam," I said thankful to finally be sitting on my shame.

"Good," she said turning back around to the board and continuing the lesson.

Marcy Culgan leaned forward from accross the row, "you're sick," she said disgustingly.

"It's just chili in my underwear," I whispered back harshly. For thirty minutes I was able to forget about the brown bomb in my pants as we learned about the importance of multiplication and its evil twin division. Everything was fine until Miss Leth finished the lesson. That's when the trouble began.

"Alright everybody now I want you to get together with the person on your left to work out problems 1-19 on page 41."

"Oh gross," Marcy muttered jamming her head into her palm.

"I told you it's just chili," I whispered scooting my desk over to hers.

"I don't believe you." Her eyes squinted with distrust as she slightly moved her desk away from me.

"Whatever," I said rolling my eyes. "What do you think 7x8 is?" My stomach suddenly rumbled demanding something to digest.

Looking up in shock I saw Marcy's eyes widen before she cried out, "he's doing it again! Oh my God he's pooping his pants!!"

"No I'm not!" I shouted defensively jumping out of my seat. A small clump of chili suddenly ran down my leg and splattered onto the floor.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" She screamed falling away from her desk crashing to the floor.

"No no no no no! It's just chili I swear. See, see it's just chili." Scooping up two finger fulls of the brown rocky soup I shoved them into my mouth only to realize that the entire class was watching me. The room was eerily silent as I stood there with two brown fingers protruding from my mouth. The taste was beginning to make me sick.

"YOU FREAK!!" Someone screamed smashing the silence like cheap glass. Suddenly the classroom was filled with jeers as papers, pencils, and pens were sent in my direction. A stapler pounded against my temple breaking my paralysis with agonizing pain. Grabbing my books I sprinted out of the room dodging school supplies as they shot across my frame. Running down the hallway I attempted to find the exit through tear stained eyes but was brought back to the bathroom. Sick of having a pound of warm lunch in my pants I ran to the sink twisting both handles for warm water. I began dropping my pants when Zack suddenly came through the door.

"Well looky what we've got here," he said accusingly. "Didn't I tell you to leave it in there? Now you have to be taught a lesson kid." Reaching into his back pocket Zack produced a spoon. "Now you have to eat it."

My face whitened in shock and fear as Zack closed in on me. Terrified but unwilling to eat chili from out of my pants I rocketed past him barely avoiding his hand as he grasped for me. Running down the hall and around the corner I shot out the entrance doors and sprinted across the school lot. As I ran I could feel the three bowls of chili bouncing around my underwear smacking my genitals and leaking down my pants. Cutting though various yards I made my way home swiftly oblivious to the shocked faces I passed and the demanding questions they posed. For three blocks I ran before a sharp pair of fangs sank into my buttocks dropping me to the ground. Somehow I had entered a rogue poodle's territory and landed within the confines of his leash.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" I screamed out in pain as the fancy dog sunk his teeth into my buttocks for a second helping. Swatting his face with the back of my hand I quickly got to my feet and scrambled outside of his vicinity. Tears once again streamed down my face as I hobbled home leaving a trail of blood and chili. I limped on for another block before I felt a cold presence behind me. Stopping in mid-step I hesitantly looked over my shoulder. A group of alley cats sat perched along the street. Three of them were licking up the chunky puddles I had leaked across the street. Raising its head the closest cat who was covered in grey fur with dark stains spread across it's chest made eye contact with me.

"Meow." It proclaimed into the silent street bouncing off the houses and echoing throughout the alleys. Cautiously I began moving forward, slowly eyeing the brood as they followed from a distance. Picking up the pace I subtly walked down the street never taking my eyes off the feline swarm behind me. I was almost home when my feet absently crashed into a storm drain sending me to the ground.

Without hesitation and in perfect unity the group pounced on me shrieking in lust for food. Slashing my face with their claws the cats shredded my skin before directing their efforts to the back of my pants. Tearing my legs apart they dove their rough tongues into my poodle wounds licking out the beans and beef that were coated in blood and muddy sweat.

"Help me!!" I screamed to my neighbor Mrs. Onigan to no avail. Instead of helping a poor kid being assaulted by cats Mrs. Onigan chose to ignore my cries by rushing into her house, bolting the door, and closing the blinds.

Kicking my legs in a desperate spasm I knocked the cats into the air sending one head first into a mailbox. Consumed with fear I sprinted on all fours to the front of my house resembling a ridiculously injured mammal. Slamming the door behind me I ran to the kitchen, grabbed a roll of paper towels, and crudely constructed a paper diaper. As my new device soaked up blood, chili, and fresh waste I stealthily crept up to the blinds in the living room. Spreading the dividers apart I found myself staring into a pair of vertical retinas with needle sharp whiskers protruding from a button nose. Silently I walked to the bathroom, cradled myself in the tub, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was there but I woke up to the sound of my Mom yelling from the kitchen.

"Come on Mark it's time for dinner! Your father made chili tonight!"

I began to weep as I undid my diaper.

Keyword: A cup of chili goes a long way. Three cups of chili will ruin your day.

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Comments (7)

Posted by Dr Lucifer 2008-08-23 06:06:58 Wonderful It's a wonderful story. A little far fetched perhaps but very well written. I think it is well worth praising for its ability to hold the reader from beginning to end. + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-08-23 06:09:38 Brown Back River I really didn't think this was going to be a humorous story until Mark jumped up in class right in front of Marcy and the chili slid down his leg, that was when the humor began I think. Everything before it was sort of disturbing. Zack's a fucking asshole who needs a good beat down. I loved the part when he stuck two fingers down his pants and put them in his mouth, great reactions. The poodle part was pretty funny, too. Oh yeah, when the cat just looked at him and proclaimed, "Meow" that was really funny and priceless. Very easy to visualize. Cheers, Max + Report this comment
Posted by Andy6 2008-08-24 04:37:59 .... Mate, i seriously hope that wasn't based on personal experience, i thought i was gonna cry. Nice style, really easy to read and the school atmosphere was tangible, all turned a bit itchy and scratchey towards the end but who doesn't love itchy and scratchey. Might be a while till i have chili again though. Nice one. + Report this comment
Posted by philneale1952 2008-08-24 09:46:32 Dinner Guess you won't be eating too much chilli now then Jason. Disgustingly funny but I really would have liked the bully to have got some kind of come uppance. Nice touch of irony at the end. Phil + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-08-24 13:52:24 .... I dont know how you manage to share these heartwrenching stories from your past to us all Jason. lol just kidding I thought this was going to be a serious piece there for awhile... but of course you had to put cats in there lol. Glad to see you put a new story up. =] + Report this comment
Posted by harmattan 2008-08-24 14:11:55 brown trousers I really thought this was a serious story about bullying when I started. It eventually slithered through so many levels of frenetic humour.... But no thoughts of revenge from your "hero".... That's what I was looking for. far fetched fantasy in the end, but a good read. Kind regards Harmattan + Report this comment
Posted by Ruby Whispers 2008-10-05 22:51:18 I vote for a chili cook-off. Let's invite Zack. His single roll in the event will be to eat every single drop of the sixteen hot as hell chili submissions. No water. No bread. No stopping until he's finished. School bullies. I doubt any one of us has gotten through school without having been terrorized by one of them. You scare me sometimes...lol. Well titled. J + Report this comment

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