At half past three I staggered out of The Criterion

As a newt and homeless, with all my money gone.

Always that smell of rotting cod on the busy Hessle Road.

And there stood the lollipop man, dressed a la mode

A black peaked hat and strong white coat trimmed electric blue.

I tugged his sleeve and asked him, "Should I go across with you?"

Some people never joke at all. He must have thought me thick.

He murmured, "No. I'll manage son. You see I've got this stick."

Lollipop man. For the benefit of our American friends.

School's crossing warden bearing a pole with a big round "STOP" sign on top.

Keyword: riposte nostalgia droll

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Comments (10)

Posted by Dr Lucifer 2008-08-23 06:10:06 Clueless It started out so great. I thought I was in for a wonderful story and then suddenly it ended. I didn't get the punch line either. I did find it to be well written, what there was of it. + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-08-23 06:15:37 PUT DOWN IN HULL Uh ... well, i have no idea on what to say about this. BUT i seem to have liked it so you must have done something right. Err ... not really sure what a Criterion is but my guess is something with critters, but who knows. Oh well ... Cheers, Max + Report this comment
Posted by philneale1952 2008-08-23 12:10:35 Spiffing old bean......... I gues you needed more explanations than you thought, reading Max's comment. Never been in Hull as such, so don't know the whereabouts of the Criterion public house. However...............this had the mark of Mike Harding's hilarious tale-telling about it, and had me falling on the floor. The likes of Lancashire and Yorkshire are a greenhouse for budding comedy, and the dryness of this piece made it fit to drink with white meat. They say that humour doesn't travel far across the Atlantic, and this was definitely one for the Brits. Brilliant Phil + Report this comment
Posted by antheerr 2008-08-23 12:27:54 Teehee This made me smile. I've heard lots of stories about how silly people can be when they've had a little too much, but this is one of the funniest. + Report this comment
Posted by FleetHepburn 2008-08-23 22:22:32 .... I even like the term "crossing warden." I just came from Hull...the one in New England, so the title caught my attention. I'm one of those Americans who enjoys a dry sense of humor. This was great. + Report this comment
Posted by Dirkin 2008-08-24 20:39:29 .... It hard to judge this poem when I dont understand it. It rhymes well, and the wording wasn't inane, as far as I can tell + Report this comment
Posted by r.e.potter 2008-08-24 21:08:04 .... Didn't even see the poem the first time I read. But reading it now with that flow of words I dig it even more. I could picture it all happening...good job Mr. West. + Report this comment
Posted by garyowen 2008-08-24 22:35:38 .... Loved I. I'd say the fish smell was a distant memory. I havent been in the filthy place for years, but i imagin it somehow different these days. Please? if only for my benafit, refuse to talk down to the kids and the insular. + Report this comment
Posted by skycarp 2008-09-30 05:36:43 .... Very visual, Mr. West...I like your style. Nice easy flow, and once again, you put me in another's place. I couldn't help but grin at the end...nice finish, thanx. + Report this comment
Posted by hafwit 2008-10-16 16:56:51 a pleasure again, another pleasurable read. you learned from the old timers I'd say? + Report this comment

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