Plastic

Plastic Taking the knife to...

It Doesn't Take Much, Chapter 1

Great. Just GREAT. The check engine light has...

missing


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Written by amanda   
Friday, 22 August 2008

(Note: This is a revision of an earlier piece of mine. I changed bits and pieces of the story, trying to make the characters more dynamic. I also changed the ending. Please let me know what you think.) 

 

                  James could feel the cold raindrops dampen his hair and begin to slide down his face. Most of the people gathered outside began scurry for shelter, but a few remained hoping to get their two seconds of fame. James didn't mind the rain, it reminded him of a time when he was younger when James and his sister had walked over a neighbor's house to spend the day at their pool. They had gotten caught in the rain on the way back and they decided to make the best of the situation by splashing in puddles and dancing in the rain. He could still remember the clean smell of the raindrops and the feeling of running barefoot in the wet grass.

 

            "James, are you ready? You look like you're off in lala land. Get pumped up, we've got a story to film and I want a promotion," Heather said bringing James back to reality.

 

            "Sorry, we're ready. In three, two, one," James started the countdown. Heather faked a smile and began reading the words that came on the screen above James's camera.

 

            "Eleven news, is here live where at this local bakery, a Good Samaritan risked his life to help people he never even knew. He was going to buy a cake for his daughter's birthday when all of a sudden-" Heather never got to finish her sentence. She turned around to the commotion that was going on behind her. She had heard a screeching of brakes and someone yelling if anyone was a doctor. The cries for help had gotten Heather's attention and she realized that the unfolding story might be better than the one she was told to report. James cut the live feed, but he still had the accident all on tape. He had stopped filming when he realized what was going on.

 

                  "What are you doing, James? We've got two major stories to film now. Everyone who saw that is going to be wondering what happened. Did you get it? You got it on film, right James?" Heather asked.

 

                 "How could I not get it on film? I was recording you at the time and its all in the background. I just didn't think that it'd be right for people to see that. It's too emotional. What if the girl's family was watching the five o'clock news right now?" James answered.

 

                  "It's a story and it's our job to report it, I don't really care if people don't like what we do. I want you to get that camera rolling so we can get as much footage as possible. This job isn't about moral values. We ruin people's lives everyday," Heather answered.

 

                   "Alright," James answered. He hated how the media was always ready to step on people or use them just to get what they wanted. Whenever he thought about how much he hated the media, he thought about how he ended up in that career in the first place. He remember how his sister had disappeared, walking back one night from the neighbor's house like they had done so many times. He remembered how the media had helped get the story out about the disappearance of his sister and how he had loved the cameras. He had decided ever since he was little, that he wanted to return the favor and help someone else out by reporting their stories of missing people. Even though his sister was never found, he was still grateful for their help.

 

            "We're ready in three, two, one," James said. Heather started reporting the story of how a young lady had been hit by a car while trying to cross the street. In the meantime, an ambulance came to take the lady to the hospital and Heather was pressuring the police for information about the woman. The only thing that she found out was that the woman was unidentified. That was still all that James and Heather knew when they left the scene later that night.

 

                The next day, they found out that the lady in the hospital was still recovering and was in good condition. Much to James's surprise he found out that he would be filming an interview with her and Heather later on that week, after she was released from the hospital.

 

              "Are you nervous?" James asked Heather. They were getting ready to do the interview with the lady who had been hit by the car.

 

              "Why would I be nervous? I've done this a million times," Heather replied.

 

              "Well we both know that Kate's leaving soon and they need someone to take her place. I see the promotion in your future, as long as all these big stories go smoothly," James said.

 

              "Yes, a promotion would be nice," Heather said with a smile, "But there's no time to think about that right now. We've got to get this interview going." They began filming.

 

              "Will you please tell us what happened that night, when you were hit?" Heather asked.

 

             "Well I was walking along the street and was finishing running errands when I thought that I had seen my little brother across the street, outside the bakery. I wondered if it was really him so I ran across the street, without paying attention and then that's when I got hit," the woman replied.

 

             "Was it your brother?" Heather asked.

 

            "I don't know, I haven't seen him in years. I don't even know what he looks like now and I didn't get a good look at him anyways. I just had some crazy idea that it was," the lady replied.

 

             Heather finished up her interview and shook hands with the lady who then stood up to leave. As the lady walked out the door, James noticed that a picture was lying on the floor. He bent down and picked it up.

 

                "Excuse me, you dropped this," he told the lady as he looked down at the picture. He could not believe his eyes when he saw that it was a picture of him from his childhood next to his sister. It was from the day that they had been running in the rain, the day that he had remembered so vividly the night of the accident.

 

            "That isn't mine," the lady said with a confused look on her face. "I've never seen it before in my life."

 

            "Oh, I'm sorry," James said. Heather, who was always curious, walked over to see what was going on.

 

            "So what's going on?" she questioned.

 

            "I found this picture and I thought she dropped it. I'm a little freaked out because that's me and my sister when I was younger," James said. James remembered how his sister had loved that picture. She had loved it so much that she had always carried it around with her. Heather snatched the picture out of James's hand.

 

            "Haha James, very funny. Trying to freak me out and get me all nervous when I'm concentrating on my promotion. That's me in the picture. I was going through some pictures earlier today. It was kind of strange but that was oldest photo that I could find," Heather said.

 

            "No, I'm serious. Don't you remember this? If this is you, then you're my sister," James said.

 

            "Most of my childhood is a blank. I don't really remember it. But you're going to need some hard evidence to make me believe your story," Heather said walking out the door.

 

            "If this was any other person, you'd try to get to the bottom of this. You said that you destroy people's lives everyday," James shouted after her. Her own words hit her, making her stop and spin around.

 

            "But there are some things that are better a mystery. There are some things people won't ever know," she said finally walking out the door and disappearing into the city.

 

 

 



Copyright 2008 amanda
Keyword: missing
No Comments posted
Comments (7)
Posted by gtmike
2008-08-22 21:55:43
No resolution

I liked the story and the writing flowed well, but I found the dialog a little wooden and unbelievable. That old adage about reading it aloud really works. I found no resolution in the ending. Too many unanswered questions without enough info for the reader to figure it out.GTMike
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-08-22 22:43:49
missing

This is a pretty cool story and I liked it. I thought it was a good idea how you had some flashbacks to each characters' childhood playout, and the picture at the end was a nice touch. There are two things, though.

One: the dialogue seems kind of plain, as if a robot is reading aloud from a school text book.

Two: would they really interview her just for getting hit by a car? i mean, thousands of people get nailed by cars every day but they all don't get interviews. that just seemed a little unrealistic to me.

Other then that, though, I think you have a pretty well thought out and great story. I think you could expand a little on this, though. This could be better I think.

Cheers,

Max
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Posted by garyowen
2008-08-23 02:54:58
....

Great story I thought that i had it figured half way through but you were a twist ahead of me. I think maybe a little tweeking would make this story even greater. Alas i can't offer anything definite but the advise about reading it aloud was sound advice.
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Posted by sebcoco
2008-08-23 10:00:53
....

Interesting story and well-written.

A little too much dialogues at the end, maybe a break with a small paragraph would be welcome.

How about the picture?

Does Heather is James'sister?

I think you should rework a bit your story, though the basic of the story is good.

Keep on.
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Posted by lemon
2008-08-23 12:41:47
....

it was good, i liked the content and the way things went. I was still left wanting at the end though. I think maybe if you wrote another chapter it would answer those questions about James and Heather. I mean, what happened to her all those years? Why didnt she recognize her brother at ALL?
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Posted by Andy6
2008-08-24 05:10:28
....

I also thought i had it figured out, but no. Good idea, nice dialogue, only criticism would be that Heathers reaction to the photo was a little vague. You have a nice style, your characters had some depth, maybe needs just a bit more meat on the bones. Definatey enjoyed it though and i'll read some more of yours. Nice one
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Posted by r.e.potter
2008-10-11 13:23:36
....

Now wouldn't that be weird. I hope they never,,,well you know..I agree with lemons comment. Why doesn't she rememberr him? and where was she for so long? A few questions that could be answered in another chapter perhaps. But overall I thought this was a decent read.
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Last Updated ( Friday, 22 August 2008 )
 
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