Posted by lemon
2008-08-21 20:42:08
....
 
well, it was interesting, but there are a lot of holes in this mini-story. I think if you went back and expanded on a lot of the thoughts you expressed it could end up being a really good story.
Who was the old man? how did he get injured? where was he coming from and going to?
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by philneale1952
2008-08-22 01:48:55
Welcome
New starter? Welcome to the club.
Though a bit skeletal as Lemon says, it's a good framework for expansion into a full blown short story.
Has potential, so give it a go. No-one's gonmna bite you.
Phil
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by d.dasgupta
2008-08-22 11:07:11
Lovely
I think this was lovely. He tried to remember. All he knew was that it was a gift from a loved one. But he simply couldn't remember who it was. He had forgotten who it was. And almost surely, he had forgotten who he was himself. At least, this is the way I read it. I liked it immensely. The story of a man who was lost even to himself.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by harmattan
2008-08-22 17:00:13
Personal
hey dd "You talkin tu me?"
There is a style in this short piece that demands expansion.
Let rip Thom, then we'll see something....
Kind regards
Harmattan
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by villanova21
2008-08-22 22:37:47
Short
The story was short and bit uninformative but thats where stories start. I will be looking forward to seeing how you do in the future.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Something Indecent
2008-08-28 14:39:14
....
I agree that you need to expand on this but I kind of like stories where you don't get enough information. Sometimes its the lack of that we get so interested. But then again that's just me.
+ Report this comment |  |
via Email