Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-08-21 20:10:49
....
 
interesting piece. i liked how you took words and showed what exactly they meant to you.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by lemon
2008-08-21 20:37:06
....
Yeah this was interesting. I liked the format you used. kind of reminds me of a dictionary of personal definitions. If that made any sense.
I have one question... in the title, did you mean Poetry: OUR suicidal kisses?
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Dirkin
2008-08-22 00:48:37
....
Kind of simple, but nice
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-08-22 04:06:28
good
yeah i think you meant OUR in the title. this was interesting, some of it i can relate to. good job.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by d.dasgupta
2008-08-22 10:53:58
Liked it
My most favourite lines are:
Love;
express my loneliness
Life;
portraits my madness.
Makes you think. These lines are very deep indeed. Especially the one on love. I haven't understood it completely. But I am moved by it.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Kanarf
2008-08-22 12:18:47
hmmm
several lines need work on subject/verb agreement with regards to plurality. for example, the first line should read
'Tears; explain my sadness' or 'Tear; explains my sadness'
I can't seem to make sense of the title either, but good concept for a poem overall.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by ams
2008-08-22 12:52:13
....
this was pretty good. it was simple, but it worked for it. nicely done.
the title should be "Poetry: Is suicidal kisses." like the person above me said there were some subject verb agreement errors, but i think i remeber reading that english is your second language so that may be why. english is a tricky language to master. overall, it was quite good.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by hey_hey_paula
2008-08-22 14:04:42
Uh-huh
Well done. The true expression of self is interesting and very simply and understandably portrayed in this poem. It's simple yet it touches the reader.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Behind_the_Mask
2008-08-22 15:01:14
...
I like this a lot especially for it being a poem of sorts. Poems and me have a rough past, they beat me over the head until I got a restraining order against them, and it expired a while ago. ;)
Normally the shortness of it would be a downer for me but right now I’m thinking that is a good thing.
Well-done Keep up the good work.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Tarhead Mugwump
2008-08-22 23:02:51
suicidal kisses
i liked that stunted lines...
being poetry handicapped, i like to have my cake and eat it too. this was easy to read and easy to understand. found comfort in the format.
write on!
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Forsaken
2008-08-23 07:40:04
nice.
this is really intresting. I like the way you chose to set this poem out in little bite size pieces, instead of one looonnnggg verse that might have detracted from the impact that this poem has. The idea of explaining words is a nice idea too.
Maybe you could expand on this idea more? I think you should :-)
Well done! I love this!
Jessica
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Eternal_Bliss440
2008-08-23 14:06:00
....
Wow I must say the title mislead me a little bit. I thoguht it was going to be about why poetry and sucide are connected. Well I was totally wrong. This is a beautiful poem and I love the way you formatted the poem. Nice job!
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Pilgrim
2008-09-05 12:41:37
....
This was okay.
The third line didn't make sense to me. How can love express loneliness? Also, shouldn't it be expresses?
Keep it up.
+ Report this comment |  |
via Email