Population:200, Chapter 2

Another creature had joined the first at the door now....

STORIES FROM CAMP 6, Chapter 1

THE RED HAT ( Dedicated to W.J.Martin)...

in your eyes *short*
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Written by Jessica S,A.   
Wednesday, 20 August 2008

I know that you're weak,

I know the truth is what you seek,

I can see it in your eyes,

You know it's hidden behind their lies.

 

They tell you "it's fine",

They tell you that, to them, you shine,

They can see it it your eyes,

You dread saying those final goodbyes.

 

 

 



Copyright 2008 Jessica S,A.
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Comments (8)
Posted by Behind_the_Mask
2008-08-20 13:20:00
...

Hmmm, I wonder?

I don't really know what to think about this one.

As a poem its rhyming scheme is decent.

But as something that is trying to convey a message it is unclear.

perhaps the message is for you to understand.

oh well.

Decent job.
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Posted by harmattan
2008-08-20 13:21:07
short

....and sweet.

So many levels, open to so many interpretations.

Obviously personal (to you) but available and applicable to naybody who wants to read.

Very clever. Skill.

Kind regards

Harmattan
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Posted by *Spike
2008-08-20 16:32:44
SHORT

Sounds as if the writer may have received the dreaded 'Dear John' letter face to face, and is refusing to accept it.
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Posted by lemon
2008-08-20 16:39:56
....

It rhymed well and flowed well, but I think you should make your overall point a little more clear. Unless, of course you want it to be open to the readers own interpretation. =]
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-08-20 19:20:45
....

i can understand the fact that maybe you wanted to let the reader take his/her own interpretation....but i still felt like it was incomplete for that. there just wasn't enough here for me to enjoy. but i'm not saying what you have is horrible, it's just i wish you would have added more. right now, it seems like a missing piece to something that could be more intense.
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Posted by nick711
2008-08-20 21:20:26
....

I'm not quite sure what to interpret from this one.

Maybe about someone who thinks her friends are falsely commenting on her? (is that it?)

Regardless, it had some rhythm in it and flowed relatively well. Short, but sweet.
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Posted by chaabuk
2008-08-20 22:35:06
....

Lovely. Lovely. This is a charming piece of writing that I have read in recent times. One must always strive to strike a chord in a reader’s heart. You have achieved it in great measure. Good job. Keep it up. ;-)
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Posted by Kanarf
2008-08-21 12:42:36
....

There is no need to apologize for the length. A poem is however long or short it needs to be. Its about quality, not quantity.
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