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Noah the Elephant |
| Written by Dan Greathead | |
| Thursday, 20 September 2007 | |
I had heard from members of my Herd that all but two of every kind of animal was to die, and that I had to somehow choose the two members of my species that would survive. The obvious candidates were my mate and I, but I did not want to appear biased in front of my herd. Instinct told me to survive. The only way that this was possible was to select myself. “Call the Herd to me,” I said to my most trusted friend. “There is to be a fight, involving all bull members of the Herd. The winner must take his mate and go to this place of survival. It is their destiny to be the parents of all future elephants.” My trusted friend called the Herd, and all were soon assembled underneath the Malibu tree. “I believe you all understand the reason for your summons to this place?” I spoke to my Herd. There were a few desolate grunts, and the occasional snort. “Let the battle begin." What happened next was just too terrible, too disgusting, and too bloody to describe. It was like an uncensored, no holds barred edition of the World Wrestling Entertainment Royal Rumble, heads tumbling here, and tusks swinging from the Malibu Tree, with the odd tusk impaired neck thrown in. to this, I did not want to be witness, so I wandered to the edge of the tree line, where none of my kind dared enter. I heard a voice behind me, and turned, expecting to see a young, angry bull elephant charging me down. Instead, my mate was trundling up behind me. “The battle rages on,” she ventured, sensing the air of hopelessness. “Something is wrong.” “Yes, you’re right.” I began. “I’m almost four hundred and fifty, and I always thought I’d live to see the big five oh-oh.” “So why don’t we go to the safe place instead of the winner of the battle.” Suggested my mate. “You’re the only one who knows the location, so why not save your own skin, and mine as well?” “I couldn’t, that would be breaking my word, and would make me unworthy of leading a Herd ever again.” I argued. “Do you really like it that much?” My mate asked. “You’re always stressed out of your mind. Come on, let’s go.” “Yes, you’re right.” I gave in. “I suppose you’d better take a grip of my tail. Onward!” My mate and I trudged slowly across the desolate plain, each day it grew darker, until I could only just see my ears as they drifted across my field of vision. We reached the place of safety at the same time as the Zebra and the Dogs. “How did you come to arrive?” My mate asked the female dog, who happened to be a French Poodle. “In my country, it is whoever has the most money is most important,” began the French Poodle. “So I guess I just had the most money. Ha ha!” The French Poodle turned up her nose at my mate, and scampered into the safe place, a gigantic wooden ship, closely followed by Mr and Mrs Zebra. We were the last to enter the ship, and boy was it big. It was like a five star hotel, only better. All couples had their own room, with an en-suite washroom and personalised towels, well, his and hers anyway. As the rain lashed down, and the waters slowly started to rise, I remembered my childhood, all the fun times I had had, and then I thought of something that my father had told me. He had told me that I was special, and that one day I would be remembered by all elephant-kind, possibly not for bravery, or for intelligence, but for something. His philosophy was true, because I was going to become the Godfather of all elephants. I chanced a look out of the porthole window. I could just make out the top of the odd mountain, and as we got closer I could see mountain goats jumping around playfully. “Ha,” I chuckled quietly to myself. “If only they knew!” Our time on the ship was spent in the utmost comfort, and as a general rule, with the best company imaginable. My mind kept drifting back to the battle. All the scenes of blood when it wasn’t at all necessary, because I suppose I never had any intention that any other members of the Herd would be ‘The Two’, but there was no point feeling guilty, they would all have ended up dead anyway, and when the ship finally came to rest I could be just an ordinary member of the Herd, and I already had a leader in mind. My mate was pregnant! Copyright 2007 Dan Greathead {moscomment} |
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