My thoughts blend together.

My actions penetrate

deeper into the

my soul.

Killing everything

that was once me.

My life, seems

idiotic and untamed,

Living....

is too unbearable

with this pain.

Pain of the

terrifying darkness

that built up inside me

for years and years

without stopping.

Pain of family members

and friends trying to catch

the real me.

The question

slowly pounds its way

towards me. It

reaches me

subconsciously.

Do I deserve

to live?

Keyword: depression suicidal thoughts

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Comments (9)

Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-08-16 20:56:41 The Darkness Inside I loved the second stanza, that was just so Poetically cool in the third line. It's like the narrator is catching her breath. I really liked this verse. I thought it flowed smoothly and had some okay rhymes. Great job Cheers, Max + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-08-17 13:27:42 .... lots of hard emotion in this piece. i felt like i was reading thoughts from a tortured soul. but i also realized the thoughts were well delivered. + Report this comment
Posted by June Eclipsis 2008-08-17 13:32:42 ... I was able to relate very well to this piece and I'm glad that you posted this. The language was well used. Well done. + Report this comment
Posted by E.Dover 2008-08-18 19:28:20 .... I loved this poem. I think all of it was sort of real for anyone; but you know, just a point of thinking. I really liked the structure of it, though. Nice long stanzas with short lines. Good job. ;) + Report this comment
Posted by b.k. 2008-08-18 21:14:21 .... i think most people eventually asks themself that question, and the emotions that go along with it were well conveyed. the inconsistent rhyming made the poem, to me, better...and that is a rare thing + Report this comment
Posted by chaabuk 2008-08-18 22:33:51 Hmm... You live till the time you want to live. Just cuz a few breaths remain within, doesn't mean it is living in real sense. This person must have lost all hope and there is no way out that his/her thoughts turn fatal. Keep rolling. + Report this comment
Posted by harmattan 2008-08-19 13:23:34 or alternatively what is wrong with the real person inside? The reader has no idea why she wants to hide. It is all very well being petulant and secretive if something or someone bad has made you so. But the social awkwardness depicted in this poem seems self induced. And therefore much less healthy than something that could be justified or anylised. Cheers Harmattan + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-08-19 19:34:40 .... Great poem. you've captured the depression very well in this poem. I liked that you didnt rhyme in it but you kept the flow going easy. great piece =] + Report this comment
Posted by Terry Collett 2008-08-20 05:24:10 .... Melonchonic, but well composed, relating to things beyond the surface, to the reality of who she is and why and the relationship that has with others. Good. + Report this comment

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