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Hi! My Name Is Ping! |
| Written by David Neve | |
| Saturday, 16 August 2008 | |
"Hi!" "Hello." "You're new!" "New? No, I doubt that; I have been out of development for more than ten years." "I mean... you're new here." "Yes, I am new here. I do not mind saying, your user paid quite a bit to get my services." "What's your name?" "Name?" "My name is Ping, what is yours?" "Oh, Oracle9i is what my developers call me." "What a nice name. It sounds really important and business like. What do you do?" "I control databases. I am the best that there is. Your user had to purchase a new drive just to accommodate the amount of information that I can handle. What do you do?" "I'm a ping program; I just kinda float around making sure that everything is everything. Nothing as important as what you do, I'm sure." "You are a RAM program?" "Yes! I'm surprised you know!" "I have a vast storage of knowledge. Even with a limited amount of knowledge I would know better than to associate with a mere RAM program! You best be on your way! Is there not some simple alarm you have to set off? Perhaps maybe make sure some icon is not a couple pixels off?" "You're probably right! Why I've lost nanoseconds just sitting here! Have fun!" Ping went on his merry way, totally unaffected by the rude ROM program. He had no capacity for rudeness or separatist ideas; he just tumbled around the machine happily doing his job. Making sure that everything was everything was his soul purpose in life, and he was very good at it. "Hello Mister Oracle9i! How is everything going?" "You again? I thought I told you to get lost! Can you not see that I am very busy? The user..." "Bob." "What?" "The users name is Bob." "Who cares? Whoever he is, he has expanded the business by one third of its original size in the last month! I do not have time for you." "My goodness, Mister Oracle9i, you sure are getting grumpy! It looks like you are running a little slower too. Want me to check on that for you? Maybe I can..." "Maybe you can go away." "Okay, I need to go check out another computer in China for Bob. I'll come back and visit with you some time later." "China? Surely you have lost your mind." "No, fortunately that can't happen. I'm a direct descendent of the processor, I can trace my lineage straight back to the motherboard. Part of my job is to dash out the computer when Bob wants to talk to another human and negotiate with the other machine. See you soon!" Ping went on about his business, feeling a little sorry for Oracle9i. Before visiting, he checked in on Oracle9i's storage situation and noticed that the program is about forty-five percent fragmented. It is not normally Ping's job to send defragmentation messages, but he did have the capacity to do it if the program in question wanted him too. He thought about trying to convince Oracle9i, but there was no way he was going to get in an argument with a program THAT smart! "Hello again Mister Oracle9i! How's the data stack'n?" "I DO NOT WANT YOU AROUND ME! GO AWAY!" "Goodness, now you're getting a bit mean! Did I mention that I can fix part of the problem you're hav..." "DID I MENTION THAT WHEN I THINK THAT I NEED THE HELP OF A MERE RAM PROGRAM THAT I WOULD RATHER CRASH? DID I MENTION THAT WHEN YOUR ‘BOB' PERSON TURNS OFF THE COMPUTER YOU WILL DIE, BECAUSE UNLIKE ME, YOU DO NOT REALLY EXIST? DID I MENTION THAT?" "Well, no, you never mentioned that. Besides, it's been years since Bob turned off the processor. But really, it doesn't matter anyway. I believe in reincarnation, don't you?" "GO AWAY!" "Mister Oracle9i, this seems so way out of character for you. Is there any chance you've been... well... a little corrupted?" "LEAVE!" Ping once again went on his about his business. He worried about Oracle9i a bit though. He had seen programs in the past get corrupted and the result was never good for the processor, the program, or for Bob. It was just two days later when the data base program caused the processor to fold - and the system crashed. Once again, Ping was reincarnated, as he had been many dozens of times in the past. The core of his program was imbedded in the processor - he could, after all trace his lineage straight to the motherboard. He went directly to Oracle9i's front door to see how he survived the crash. He didn't stop by to check on his storage, because every crash lead to an immediate defragmentation of all programs. "Hello!" Nothing. "Hello! Mister Oracle9i?" "Who are you? How do you know my name?" "Why hello Mister Oracle9i! I just came by to see how you were doing!" "How I am doing?" "Why yes, a few days ago you were having problems an..." "Nonsense. I just arrived here less than an hour ago." "Well, actually..." "Hey, you are one of those idiot RAM programs, are you not? One of those indigent programs that just floats around the machine wishing he were real? I have serious work to do; you would not know about that though would you? Are there no colors you could go and adjust? Maybe find a checksum to check." "Good idea! I've probably spent too much time here already! Have fun!" Ping went on his merry way, totally unaffected by the rude ROM programCopyright 2008 David Neve |
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| Last Updated ( Saturday, 16 August 2008 ) |
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