Adam had Eve,

In paradise,

Death is all they created,

Soon to visit me.

  That is why life,

  Which flows in my veins

  Is poison to me.

  What revitalises me,

  Breaks me down:

  Into carbon molecules,

  Which remember,

  Through Van Gough eyes:

  The sucking out,

  That injected in, the toxins.

  What I once wished for,

  Has suddenly arrived.

  A blessing I now refuse.

  The more I live,

  The closer death comes.

  I am dieing to live,

  As life kills me.

Keyword: aids death life

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Comments (10)

Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-08-16 19:22:43 Living a Death Hmmmmm ........ I don't really know what to say about this one. I thought it flowed nicely, and I liked what you were saying; i think you conveyed it very well in my opinion. That title though ... it seems kind of wrong, it just doesn't seem right. Cheers, Max + Report this comment
Posted by shagufta 2008-08-16 19:27:53 AFR-aid I can see your viewpoint about AIDS. It is a living death. Imagine how many men and women are a living proof of this deadly menace. Your poem is a reflection on the suffering. Keep up this effort. + Report this comment
Posted by chaabuk 2008-08-16 22:38:34 Delightful Absolutely delightful although it is about an AIDS patient. I would like to know how did Adam and Eve create death and what is the significance of Van Gough here. Life itself has become an abode of death. Brilliant! + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-08-17 13:34:54 .... i really liked this. i thought you got your message out clearly and i liked some of the things you had to say. + Report this comment
Posted by June Eclipsis 2008-08-17 13:34:57 ... AIDS, eh? I never thought of that when I read this. Hmmm...I wonder why. I thought this was well written, but I think there are a little mispellings here and there. + Report this comment
Posted by harmattan 2008-08-17 14:47:15 Living a death Adam and Eve got chucked out of paradise and from that moment on all life became a terminal affair. Right? Best one you ever did so far. Lovely flow, and a feeling of understanding the helplessness but being unable to do a thing about it. Just the van Gogh eyes threw me a bit. Kind regards Harmattan + Report this comment
Posted by E.Dover 2008-08-18 19:25:32 .... I thought this was a cool poem... I didn't quite see the part about AIDs... Maybe I just wasn't looking hard enough, but whatever. Nevertheless, a cool poem. + Report this comment
Posted by jagblane 2008-08-19 05:21:14 .... for those who fail to see it just look in the first 4 lines and you can see AIDS clearly + Report this comment
Posted by Eternal_Bliss440 2008-08-19 08:29:19 .... I really liked it and I think it would be good if you do a followup to the poem in which the narrator is in heaven and recalls his childhood or something like that. I think this poem followed really nicely and I like the content + Report this comment
Posted by r.e.potter 2008-08-26 14:11:38 .... With out the key words not sure I would have understood the meaning. But nonetheless this was a well crafted poem from the beginning(pun intended) + Report this comment

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