"Come again soon!" my aunt called after us. We all piled into the old car that my dad owns. I sighed. We were always coming on these "short" trips out to my aunt's. It was always so boring. I took out my iPod, and turned it to "Midnight to Midnight" by Chevelle. I sighed again. I was feeling so much anxiety today, and I didn't know why. I couldn't wait to get home so I could be "safe". If there was even such a place.

     "Why are you acting so crabby, Sara Grace?" my little brother James asked. My family is not exactly the closest, and we tend to argue alot. Instead of replying, I turned my iPod up as loud as it could go. I am average in looks, and height. The only thing "special" about me, would be my bright blue eyes. I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly.

     "We are almost home Sar! Can you hold on for three more minutes?!" my mom basically growled at me. I rolled my eyes at her, and went back to studying my iPod. If I didn't get home soon I was gonna pull my hair out.

     We pulled into our driveway, and my dad slowed down to let the dogs out. I couldn't take it anymore, I yanked out my light backpack from the back, got out of the car, and slammed the door. I started running towards the house. It was very dark outside now. The street lamps, and our neighbor's lights were all out.

     "Sar, we are going to go over to Alice's house for a little bit!" my mom shouted from the car. Oh boy. That means I'm going to be home alone for several hours, at least. Great, along with the anxiety I already have, I get to stay home alone on a creepy night. Perfect.

     I got up to the door and let myself in. I smelled bacon from this morning. All of the lights were off in the house, so I had to feel around to get where I wanted. I started to the kitchen, but stopped abruptly. There in the kitchen, were twinkling lights coming from candles in the windows. All around the kitchen table, were people standing. I could not see there faces, because of the dim light. One of the people turned around to face me.

     I remembered back several years ago, when Xavier, my best friend, was still alive. On one of the chilly october nights, he had given me a black, silk bag. He had told me that when I was in great need, and if I used the bag in the right way I would be safe for a little while.

     Footsteps broke off my memory. Now that the person was closer, I could tell more about them. It was a man of about 24 years, and had dark, shaggy hair, that was long enough to cover most of his eyes. He had dark, piercing eyes, that bore into you.

Keyword: The Darkest Night

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Comments (7)

Posted by E.Dover 2008-08-16 17:19:47 .... Midnight to Midnight by Chevelle— trippy; I like it. + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-08-16 17:37:24 The Darkest Night, Chapter 1 Well, one thing that threw this story off for me was you kept switching from past to present tense. Other then that i thought it was going pretty good, that is until the ending. I think it happened to fast with these people in the kitchen. I think you need more in here. Some more descriptions, too. This has potential to be a weird good story but I think you need to rewrite it in my opinion. Keep writing! Welcome to StoriesVille! + Report this comment
Posted by thickblueline 2008-08-16 18:42:51 ... I agree with the second comment, it kinda left me confused with the switching from present to past tense. I would use a few more foreshadowing techniques to explain to the reader why the main character is feeling jumpy, instead of just a feeling of anxiety with no discernible cause. I look forward to reading more of your writing + Report this comment
Posted by whendarknessrises 2008-08-16 21:05:22 .... thanx for the feedback. i will definetly work on it!!!!!! + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-08-19 15:44:27 .... Agreed. A reason why she felt that way is needed along with more build up of entering the house. The ending seemed rushed so maybe try to add more thoughts and sounds before seeing the people. I also agree that this has potential. Just work on it a bit and it'll be a lot better. Keep on writing! + Report this comment
Posted by screamfordonkeys 2008-08-23 10:49:53 .... Yay!! I love it!! :D ...Oh, and haha about the bacon. I know where that comes from. lol. + Report this comment
Posted by AJ Morgan 2008-09-05 21:29:08 .... I'm sorry...I'm not trying to be a downer or just needlessly needle you. But, I was totally lost through the whole thing. Honestly, I felt like I had just wandered into the middle of a story, with no explanation. It seemed intriguing, which left me wanting more information...but alas no more information was to be had! :( Would like a little more explanation, please! :) Why does she need to be safe? Safe from what? Or whom? There were many questions just left hanging. Keep working on it! + Report this comment

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