Population:200, Chapter 2

Another creature had joined the first at the door now....

Shattered Window

The image of the shattered stained glass is still...

Goodbye, my lover
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Written by Jessica Suzanne A.   
Saturday, 16 August 2008

My heart and soul is breaking,

My eyes are full with my tears,

My lips and hands are shaking,

My mouth is forming a word that no one else hears.

 

You look at me with dead eyes,

You mouth words that I can not hear,

You say your final goodbyes,

You close your eyes, now rest my dear.

 

I leave you by the hospital bed,

I will let you sleep under your cover,

I don't need the doctors to know that you're dead,

Goodbye my lover.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Copyright 2008 Jessica Suzanne A.
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Comments (7)
Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-08-16 07:04:22
Goodbye, my lover

Curious, but what does Le Fin mean?

This was a pretty moving verse. I loved the last stanza the most, that last line (not le fin but goodbye my lover) is very powerful in my opinion. I really liked this.

Cheers,

Max
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Posted by lemon
2008-08-16 12:03:40
....

Max- Le Fin means The end.=]

Jessica- this was decent. it had a little bit of a flow issue, but that could just be me. I really liked the content. you did an excellent job with how you worded things to make the reader fell what the poem implies. =]
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Posted by lemon
2008-08-16 12:05:13
....

oops I meant FEEL not fell what the poem implies.. look at that.. i even spellcheck my comments. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! i need spellcheck rehab o.0
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-08-16 13:42:59
....

no doubt that this was a powerful piece but i felt like the flow could have been better and even some of the words.
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Posted by June Eclipsis
2008-08-18 09:29:44
strong and beautiful

A strong contrast to the usual subtlty of poems. But, nonetheless, I thought it was well done with its strength and expression of true pain and human complexities.
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Posted by chaabuk
2008-08-18 22:28:35
Sorrow

Lot of despair, dejection and disappointment. You have brought out the emotions very well when you see a loved one dying. Of course, the soul had left and what more proof you need of that except you find your own soul missing. Keep up this effort.
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Posted by Pilgrim
2008-09-07 13:09:51
....

This was okay.

I think you meant cannot?

The last stanza didn't flow well to me, I don't know why, but it didn't. Maybe it's the wording.
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Last Updated ( Saturday, 16 August 2008 )
 
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