Population:200, Chapter 2

Another creature had joined the first at the door now....

Plastic

Plastic Taking the knife to...

The Most Epic Story Ever Heard


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Written by Evan Dover   
Saturday, 16 August 2008

Her body is lying under the bed,

But she's moving, so I'm not assuming she's dead,

I know I did it, but I can't let them know,

Now I can end this with one final blow

 

Don't listen to me; I think it's a game,

This isn't possible for one who's sane,

I tricked her with prompts and demands,

But he doesn't know I came for her hands

 

He doesn't know what she'd done,

So, in the end, I've already won,

And you think you know my art?

Think again before I take your heart

 

Don't listen to me; I think it's a game,

This isn't possible for one who's sane,

I tricked her with prompts and demands,

But he doesn't know I came for her hands

 

So go and call the cops,

You'll talk until your life stops, 

Her times not up; I like it when she screams,

But you'll only survive in your damned crazy dreams,

I know she had some strange stories to plant,

But I'd be willing to bet that you just can't

 

Don't listen to me; I think it's a game,

This isn't possible for one who's sane,

I tricked her with prompts and demands,

But he doesn't know I came for her hands

 

He sees her hands on the floor,

I can tell he doesn't want to see more,

But I can't stand for a continuation of his life,

So I slit his throat with the blade of my knife

 

Don't listen to me; I think it's a game,

This isn't possible for one who's sane,

I tricked her with prompts and demands,

But he didn't know I came for her hands

 

Her hands are as hard as old, stale bread,

And her body is being removed from under the bed,

I wish I could take it back,

Why'd I tell her that fact?

She denied my reality

And negated the clarity,

My life can go on; in that queer spot,

But her life will end with the sound of a shot

 

Don't listen to me; I think it's a game,

This isn't possible for one who's sane,

I tricked her with prompts and demands,

But he doesn't know I came for her life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Copyright 2008 Evan Dover
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Comments (10)
Posted by Dr Lucifer
2008-08-16 05:27:20
I'm Clueless

I tried very hard to figure it out and I failed. It was written well but I do not know what has happened here.

Perhaps the problem is with my lack of understanding of poetry.
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-08-16 06:57:41
The Most Epic Story Ever Heard

What I got from this was some dude killed a prostitute and did strange things with her cold dead hands. I understand, though, cuz hand fetishes are quite common in my family ... or maybe it's just me. Hmmm.....

I thought this was pretty cool but I didn't like the title, i don't know, maybe it's just me. also, in the fifth stanza, fourth line, i'd suggest deleting the word 'damned', it seems to have thrown off the flow to me, but that could just be me.

Good twisted verse you have here.

Cheers,

Max
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Posted by r.e.potter
2008-08-16 07:20:17
....

Im with Lucifer on this one. What the hell(no pun intended) was this about. This made no sense and im a non-sensical kind of guy.
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Posted by Forsaken
2008-08-16 09:49:15
Hmmm

Well, I'm a bit confused here. I doesn't really flow and some of the rhyming seems a bit forced (for the sake of rhyming) but I think your very nearly there to making this a good poem. Maybe you could rephrase some of the lines?

I liked how the narrator seemed to be confessing some secret unwillingly.

It's like he is under interigation.

Keep trying!

Jess
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Posted by lemon
2008-08-16 12:09:11
....

i thought this was interesting. it had a serial killer vibe to it and I thought it read quite easily. I liked the visuals you did with this too, by making the alternate voice's stanzas a different size. made for a good poem.
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Posted by screamfordonkeys
2008-08-16 13:08:31
....

I liked it! I thought it was very interesting and it made me think. Also, I found it quite entertaining...
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Posted by E.Dover
2008-08-16 13:33:17
....

lol... No, it's not a hand fetish. He's a psychopathic killer how thinks he lives in multiple realities and the woman had irritated him with disbelief and such. The hands are a representation of the damage in his mind. Yeah, it's not so clear.
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Posted by Tarhead Mugwump
2008-08-16 19:18:14
hmm...

i must have gotten lucky somehow. i pulled in the multiple personality thing rather quickly - don't see the prostitute thing.

i was intrigued by the rhythmic 'don't listen to me' thing. in a really backwards way it reminded me of a church service: first the minister speaks then the congregation responds...

enjoyed reading it

write on!
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Posted by E.Dover
2008-08-16 21:29:53
....

I give you two thumbs up for brilliant reasoning skills, Tarhead. =)
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Posted by Terry Collett
2008-08-20 05:29:06
....

An interesting poem,I sensed two voices, maybe two people in one body, dark,chilling.Could have been more lucid, but we have what we have and that is good in my book.
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Last Updated ( Saturday, 16 August 2008 )
 
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