Flames all around as he woke from his sleep

           Bellows of smoke howling up from the deep

           People in tears crying out did they weep

           As bodies lie burning piled high in a heap

           Flames reaching high casting shades from its light

           Still darkness embellished as if it were night

           Nothing familiar and nothing was right

           Trapped in a hell with no exit in sight

        Thinking a dream he fought hard to escape

           As pure woven vultures pillaged plundered and raped

           Frozen in fear he stood lost in a gape

           As nightmarish figures formed around without shape

         Feeling the heat searing his naked frame

           Gripping fear tighter as he stood there with shame

           Laughing and mocking the demons they came

           Merciless monsters calling out on his name

         Engrossed by these figures these monsters did take

           As he frantically tried all his might to awake

           Screaming for pity and for God to forsake

           As his body was cast into a fiery lake

                                         ***

           Rising up from the bed morning soon will arrive

           As she looks in the mirror at the bruise on her eye

           Repeatedly beaten and without knowing why

           By a man she calls husband as she quietly cries

         Back in their bedroom through shades did light seep

           A beautiful morning for those left to keep

           An unfolding nightmare forever he'll reap

           From the poison she slipped him...

         Death's claimed him in sleep      

                          R.E.Potter

Keyword: hell abuse

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Comments (16)

Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-08-12 19:33:06 .... Awesome poem you have here Potter! i enjoyed this and i really liked how each stanza kept the same end rhyme, it made it flow nicely. i also liked the story that was embedded in this poem as well. + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-08-12 20:49:35 An Unfolding Nightmare Yeah, this was pretty cool, man. I thought it was brilliant how you had the woman's imagination take fold as her husband beat her. I also liked the last stanza a lot. From the poison she slipped him ... DeathS claimed him in sleep. I think you meant 'Death claimed him in sleep' Otherwise this was a really good verse, that once again tells a great story. I'm pretty sure I've this before, too. Cheers, Max + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-08-12 20:50:22 Correction I'm pretty sure I've READ this before, too. + Report this comment
Posted by r.e.potter 2008-08-12 20:59:41 .... yea,,alot of my stuff lately have been repost, putting my stuff back on...the line deaths claimed him in sleep is written correctly since it is not meant to be past tense. cheers + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-08-12 21:04:12 Oopps Oh, I must have gotten confused because there was not an apostrophe. My bad. + Report this comment
Posted by Tarhead Mugwump 2008-08-12 21:05:38 alter ego i've gotten used to the notion that you and max have either heavily influenced each other through keyboard/monitor osmosis - or you both have alter egos... what a great thing! write on! + Report this comment
Posted by Ashutosh 2008-08-12 21:20:22 Good Good poem, strong imagery, great style. I particularly liked the first part. I think it was very well-written. It was quite clear and descriptive and one could easily imagine it. Plus a good story told! + Report this comment
Posted by philneale1952 2008-08-13 05:41:29 Outstanding This was one from your archive wasn't it? Read it before but re-reading doesn't take anything away from any of your work. Fabulous. Phil + Report this comment
Posted by allmine 2008-08-13 09:19:35 .... Hmm another oldie but goodie. Like I said before..he deserved what he got for beating her. Better yet, he should have someone beat the crap out of him eveyday so that he lives in fear for eveything that he does...by the way, that was very well written... + Report this comment
Posted by harmattan 2008-08-14 16:34:38 unfolding It is new to me. I loved the way she was able to see the torment that the demons dealt him. Vengeance is a dish best eaten cold, and in the end she was pretty cool about what she had done. she deserved the pleasure. I would be the first to volunteer to cut the balls off men like this, giving us decent folk a bad name. But poisoners fall into two catergories. Those that shouldn't, and those who should. Great stuff. bring it! Kind regards Harmattan + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-08-14 19:47:39 .... I totally remember reading this a couple of months ago. It was good then and for some reason its even better now. I love the fact that he's trapped in a nightmare......but really dead. HA! You have a way with imagery R.E. + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-08-16 12:27:19 .... whoa nice. I figured this was just a hell poem lol, but you did a great job there at the end. At first i was wondering what the woman had to do with anything, but then BAM! she killed her excuse for a husband. Great job =] + Report this comment
Posted by Eternal_Bliss440 2008-08-19 08:23:24 .... Amazing! I never expected the twist at the end of the poem. I liked how you kept me reading throughout the poem. I also liked how at the end of each line you had the last word rhyme or had the same sound as the ones before in the same stanza like in Screaming for pity and for God to forsake As his body was cast into the fiery lake that is extremely hard to do and I'm looknig forward to reading more of your work + Report this comment
Posted by antheerr 2008-08-22 11:31:18 .... I really like this. The first section is really dark and painful and descriptive like a dragon or demon has risen, and then you realise it's a metaphor. Very nicely written and a nice twist too. I do like twists. I really like the very last line - it's very (thinking of right word) - it stands there by itself and almost punches you. It's a really abrupt end, and you realise what's happened and then you cheer her for getting rid of him. Like I said - very nice. + Report this comment
Posted by alfred 2008-08-22 11:39:30 .... r.e.potter, what did your parents ever do to you? + Report this comment
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