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Painful Words
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Written by Sorrow Is My Mask   
Monday, 11 August 2008

 

Painful Words

 

 

Decisions, I have never made the best

Cheated on, I always have been the test

 

Stepped on, I feel like a piece of concrete

Every night I lie in my bed of deceit

 

And now I see, my back you have stabbed

I stand alone with my face morphing into the sad

 

You tell me I'm not what you want

Your painful words, my head forever they will haunt

 

I feel like nothing when I'm with you

But you don't understand what I've been through

 

I can't and won't force you to see

Just what makes this depression stand out inside of me

 

So goodnight and sleep dreams, it's time for goodbye

Over this, many tears I will cry

 

And tomorrow I will lie awake

Wishing my heart you didn't take



Copyright 2008 Sorrow Is My Mask
Keyword: Painful Words
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Comments (11)
Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-08-11 20:47:34
Painful Words

Did you perhaps mean 'sweet dreams', but I guess sleep dreams can also make sense.

I thought this had a lot of passion put into this, each rhyme and each line is like a roller coaster descending at an amazing rate.

Great work!
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Posted by ams
2008-08-11 20:58:45
....

ya this was nice. i liked the imagery in it like "stepped on like a piece of concrete" i also liked the way that you worded things like the sleep dreams. it was different but it sounded nice.
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Posted by harmattan
2008-08-12 08:14:32
painful words

I still think you need to study "Desiderata"

There are plenty of people in the world who subscribe to the sites you mention, but still enjoy what is left of the world. However.

If you are over fifty, an alcaholic, manic depressive total failure with at least three suicide attempts, not failed, but unwillingly recued, and a sociopathic tendency to alienate everybody who tries to be nice to you, I will give you ten out of ten. You described yourself perfectly and made me very sorry for you.

Otherwise, read desiderata.

And do not tell people that you do not submit items to this site for positive comments only.

That defeats the whole object of the site, makes a mockery of it.

Harmattan
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-08-12 17:53:21
....

what is desiderata??
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-08-12 17:56:59
Desiderata

I just googled it and wikipedia says it is an "inspirational prose poem about attaining happiness in life".
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-08-12 18:02:07
....

hmmm yea i'll have to take a look at that.
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Posted by r.e.potter
2008-08-12 19:52:29
....

I took out of this a bad break-up. Sounds like the poem is about someone being cheated and dumped on, and it tares his heart apart because of the love he felt for her. Thats what I took from it. I know how sound that can be and I liked this poem...it has purpose regardless of what was intended.
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Posted by Brian W Callaghan
2008-08-13 07:49:53
....

I am definitely familiar with the feelings expressed here, as we all are, probably. Poetry is basically a painting of an emotion using words as the medium. i think that this is achieved well here. I feel the rejection, betrayal and disappointment.
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Posted by Brian W Callaghan
2008-08-13 07:53:32
....

oh, and i have to agree with you on looking for more than just positive comments. I came here looking for encouragement, yes, but also constructive criticism as well. I am not saying that I think we should cut each other down, but suggestions for improvement are necessary to make us better writers. I think that is the whole point of a site like this. It is not at all a mockery of the site to state that point. it is a celebration of it. Kudos.
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Posted by Forsaken
2008-08-16 09:42:04
Nice

I really liked this, I read this and I was like, 'the narrator must really feel sore about whoever he is telling this too because the wording makes me sympathise with him, in that it tells of heartbreak. The whole poem is really well written.

Good work!

Jessica
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Posted by Ruby Whispers
2008-10-12 21:39:32
Excellent.

This one flowed quite well. Obviously the heartbreak is described well. One thing, if you can feel pain this deeply, you should also be able to feel joy as deeply too. Writing is very cathartic.

J
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