the lakewater near the banks darken with the shadows of coniferous trees
not unlike the way my labia darkened just the other evening with transgression
and i find myself waiting,

arcing the ash from my cigarette in fiery transient streaks.
this is north west angle's public dock, a sunken relic of the anishinabe
appropriately too young to be old just like the ******* rest of us.

kee no wahh she spits with conviction,
her forked tongue a testament to the near science fiction
that keeps its ugly head low to the ground
in the backwater communities of
rural ontario and manitoba
and saskatchewan
and beyond.

purple and yellow and green galaxies span across the deep space of my neck
and that's good enough, they reckon, to land me in the passenger's seat.

now the sun's shallow beneath the canadian shield
leaving only a violent, open gash on the skyline
and the watered down blood of ritual sacrifice to
filter up through the cheesecloth of the underbrush
and effectively discolour the poplars in a pastel
identical to the lining of my ****

so ask me how many children have been
stranded on the pallid, uneven terrain of my thighs

and i'll stop making references to my vagina

Keyword: vagina bitterness sex one night stand

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Comments (5)

Posted by alfred 2008-08-07 19:33:15 .... It would be better if u used the 2nd sentence in the first one and put it an front of the 6th sentence in the 2nd one. Also the 2nd paragraph would be better flip flopped with the 4th in the other version. I like the 22nd word but it would flow better if u put it in the 36th spot. The last paragraph should be replaced with the 3rd from the first story and the 1st paragraph should be switched with the last in the same version of number 2. I also think (the end) should be up front...but I thought it was good. + Report this comment
Posted by dockyard 2008-08-08 07:53:50 .... that was, wow. super confusing + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-08-08 11:46:58 .... I didn't quite know what to think about this.. it was ....interesting, but I didn't think it made much sense. That could just be me though, I don't know... + Report this comment
Posted by dockyard 2008-08-08 13:28:59 .... i think that's the glory of poetry. you don't have to understand what the premise is, just the feelings that the words and images envoke. cause honestly, i don't know if i'd want any one to know exactly what i'm talking about. + Report this comment
Posted by JonStalk 2008-09-04 15:12:44 .... Your writing is among the best I've read in the poetry genre. Of course, I am not seasoned in poetry, and the first thing I want to do is ask what it's about. But I won't, only because I find that poems (as well as songs and stories)are much deeper and mysterious if I just let the words paint the picture, rather than the back story. Even your use of vulgarity (excuse me for lack of a better word)hardly seemed vulgar at all. I loved the poem, and I get the feeling it served as some a catharsis of some kind for you. Sorry so long. + Report this comment

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