Posted by lemon
2008-08-06 22:33:21
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'These horrided names'..what?
'because their's no access to sinks' .. no, THERE'S not their's
'look in discuss' no, either look in DISGUST, or look AND discuss.
'For whats in are wallets' should be FOR WHAT'S IN OUR WALLETS.
'he takes anouther alcoholic gasps' should be HE TAKES ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC GASP
'If that where are friends...' what?
'..so are cloths he won't grasph' I'm assuming you meant SO OUR CLOTHES HE WON'T GRASP
.
It could possibly be good if the many many errors were fixed...
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-08-06 22:40:16
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Yeah, I tried reading it, but so many errors I couldn't get through it.
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Posted by Amatayo
2008-08-06 22:40:57
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HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHHA I guess Amatayo is back. And at least they weren't spelling errors.
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Posted by philneale1952
2008-08-07 03:47:41
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No, they won't change anything because we are all to fond of ourselves, and too scared that someone might try to take advantage.
The Good Samaritan has left the building!
Good poem.
Phil
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Posted by Hodders
2008-08-07 11:48:24
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There were some very good bits in the poem but I think it needs a lot of editing. I did find the meaning of the poem interesting and despite some of the grammar and spelling errors it kept me reading so good job!
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Posted by Xena
2008-08-07 18:16:36
mr philip
what are you talking about... so otherwise these words would have affected you? pshh... like i thought you were going somwhere with this story and then it just completely took a U turn... like.. what does he think of us? i thought maybe you said something about maybe he thinks were gross or something... not that he fears us... and i dont believe this guy as a bum... hes dirty cause theres no sinks around... no there are.. unless he lived somewhere like europe or something where they charge you to use their bathrooms.. but i think he's dirty cause hes a bum.. cause thats what bums do..
cause they juts dont care. and they want money... and most people wont look in disgust.. theyll think in disgust.. probably wont even look either... no food in his stomach so he goes and drinks... i guess that's a good strategy.. less food in the old tum tum the less you have to drink to forget and the less money he spends... so that works... 5 thumbs up from me
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Posted by alfred
2008-08-07 18:57:21
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Not sure what the hey this is about but I have a question for lemon if she sees this...Are you a English teacher or just a nuisance.
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Posted by garyowen
2008-08-08 03:26:00
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Great poem and the slightly untidy delivery seemed to add power to the poem. In the imagery you had me both empathizing with the man in the road and asking myself how would i feel if I were the passer by.
GREAT STUFF
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