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( The Magical Vagina )

A Woman comes in for her checkup, while her husband waits in the car.

Doctor: Well, okay. Let's see what we've got here ?

Female Patient: Same old, same old.

Doctor: Well, okay. Here we. . . . WOW

The Doctor see's something coming out.

Female: What's wrong?

Doctor: Have you shaved?

Female: Yes?

Doctor: That is the hairiest Beaver I've seen.

Husband Walks in

Husband: Babe, I don't want to wait in the car. Can't I see the Doctor stick his finger, in the bottomless pit ? Holy crap, what's that ?

Female: What is it ?

A Small little Beaver pops out.

Doctor: Oh my, that's never happened before ?

Husband: That was the smell.

Female: Carl!

Husband: What? I smelled wet stinky beaver, let's just be glad it wasn't coming from you hun.

Beaver: Where am I?

Doctor & Husband : IT TALKS!

Beaver: AHH!

Female: Oh, my God. Please tell me this isn't happing ?

Doctor: What should we do?

Husband: Push it back in?

Female: No, no one is pushing anything inside me.

Husband: She's the same way in bed.

Female: CARL!

Doctor: Where did you come from, little fellow.

The Doctor Picks up the Beaver and begins to stroke him.

Husband: Hey baby, the Doctor is stroking your beaver.

Female: Shut up, Carl.

Beaver: I've come from the land of Cuntarnia.

Husband: Wow, how is it?

Beaver: Dry, lonely, and loveless.

Husband: Yup, that sounds about right.

Doctor: Do you want to go back little fellow.

Female: This can't be happing.

Beaver: I rather like it here. And to tell the truth, I feel welcomed and loved for the very first time.

Husband: Can we keep it baby?

Female: NO!

Husband: So, my wife's vagina is a portal to this fairyland Cuntarnia ?

Doctor: It seems so.

Husband: Baby, you have a magical vagina.

Female: Oh, God. Please I beg you, take this whole attention away from me.

Another Husband comes running in

Husband 2: Doctor, you're not going to believe it.

Doctor: What?

Husband 2: My wife, is throwing a fist full of chocolate out of her Vagina.

Doctor: And?

Husband: Here's the best part, an Oompa-Loompa came out!

Doctor, Husband and the Beaver Gasp in excitement

The Wife looks up in the sky and thanks God.

Female: I owe you one.

A Lion roar comes out of her Vagina

Female: You bastard.

- The End -

( Things you should keep to yourself)

A Man stands in a busy line in the grocery store, with a gallon of milk.

( Man ) I love milk, because I pretend it's my Mother's Breast milk!

The people just stare at him.

( Man) Mmmm, yummy.

- The End-

Late Night Phone Calls

Gina: Hello ?

Rick: It's me, babe.

Gina: Oh, why are we calling this late night?

Rick: I wanted to have phone sex?

Gina: Ricky, you dirty boy. Okay. . .

Another Call comes in.

Gina: Can you hold baby?

Rick: Sure thing.

Gina: Thanks.

Gina Takes the other call

Gina: Hello?

Ashley: Hey girl.

Gina: Hey Ash, just one sec.

Ashley : No problem.

Gina takes the other call

Gina: Hey baby, you ready to rock my world.

Rick: Oh yeah.

Gina: Give it to me big boy.

Rick: Oh baby, I ‘m going to give it to you in the. . .

Gina put Rick on hold and takes the call with Ashley

Gina: Hey girl, so what's going on ?

Ashley: Are you busy?

Gina: Nope.

Ashley: Cool, I got a story to tell.

Gina: Oh, dish girl.

Ashley: Well, Stacy, was cheating on Brad.

Gina: Shut up!

Ashley: Nope, and now Brad plans to sleep with Stacy's Mom!

Gina: Oh, my god.

Ashley: And I was like. . .

Gina Switches back to Rick

Rick: Can you feel it baby.

Gina: That's it, give to me big boy.

Rick: I'm going to rock your world.

Gina Switches back Ashley.

Ashley: And I was like WOO, this can't be happing, were all naked In bed with her Mom. . .

Gina Switches back to Rick

Rick: I'm your *****, I"M YOUR *****.

Gina Switches back to Ashley

Ashley: And, we met Mel Brooks, I'm not sure how that happened, but then. . .

Gina Switches back to Rick

Rick is crying after getting off

Rick: I feel so weak.

Gina goes back to Ashley

Ashley: You know what I mean?

Gina: Totally.

Ashley: See, your like the only person. . .

Switches back to Rick

Rick: You know where I'm coming from right babe?

Gina: Of course.

Rick: I shouldn't be ashamed that I wear women's . . .

Switches back to Ashley

Ashley: Thanks for listening, talk to you tomorrow.

Gina: Can't wait.

Ashley hangs up. Gina Switches back to Rick

Rick: It doesn't make me less of a man?

Gina: It sure doesn't.

Rick: God, I love you.

Gina: Love you too.

Rick: Talk to you tomorrow ?

Gina: You know it.

- The End-

Keyword: jesse 3-way ctk lnsa

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Comments (10)

Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-08-06 20:58:48 .... Hmm ... I don't know. I just didn't like this one too much. Felt a little forced. I thought the last one was going to end up funny but then it didn't, What a shame. I kind of liked the first one. Second one was okay. + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-08-06 21:06:35 .... Jesse.. are you feeling a little.. how should I say this... in need of a 'friend'? lol just kidding. :p these were..interesting. =] + Report this comment
Posted by philneale1952 2008-08-07 03:45:22 Stand Up This was kind of like an un-funny stand up routine. It left me feeeling very confused. Phil + Report this comment
Posted by ams 2008-08-07 11:13:29 .... ya, i thought that the other three ways were better. like Zombie Punk said, i thought that the last one had great potential and that it was going to be good, but it didnt really end that funny. + Report this comment
Posted by The 13th 2008-08-07 14:32:33 .... This probally would be funnier on t.v but as it stands on paper, its remotely funny. But keep at it. + Report this comment
Posted by Xena 2008-08-07 19:04:53 these stories are kind of like m night shamalamanahans, you know who im talking about... and why. If you or anybody liked the 'happening' ill kill you good. cause like... the first i kinda of liked... like i wanna like it.. cause its funnily vulgar, and the stupid premise tickles my fancy... but it keeps going after it should of stopped. i mean like what if someone was telling you a funny joke, but after genuily laughing at the punchline you find out that its not the punchline... there is no punchline.. i dont know it made me feel unsexy. the beaver and the cuntarnia and the little quips from the dad were nice.. but then the oompa and lion. no need. like there was a beaver in her vagina or cuntonia, and then you leave me with a oompa and a lion? cmon now m night shamalan. but i still liked it.. but the second one.. same thing but...i didnt like it. i could of not not liked it.. but it kept going. like it could of been pretty humerous just leaving it at, he picked when she said shed have phone + Report this comment
Posted by Xena 2008-08-07 19:14:32 sex and then were left to assume there will be funny hijinks going on between the guy who wants sex and the new girl who wont knwo what the fuck is going on... and we chuckle to ourselves.. but then thers more.. ok ok ill nibble a dibble what happens... ok so shes switching from person to person... is she gonna make a huh oh speggehitios? no shes pretty good at this.. thats no fun. oh now hes crying, but she doesnt wanna listen to him and switches over... should of left it there. not bad.. but she switches and continues with guy. and says goodbye. oh and so she DOES do this a lot. so whats the basis m night shama? nothing happend it all went well. wheres the mind bending hallucinations of god and panda bears killing hosers + Report this comment
Posted by alfred 2008-08-07 19:16:13 .... There once was a young man named Jesse Who wrote a joke but it got messy Everyone who read Would now rather be dead Cause even death would be funner than another. + Report this comment
Posted by Xena 2008-08-07 19:18:10 srry not finished pressed wrong key you know i expected something after the beaver story...i guess thats what im just trying to say. and arnt these things supposed to be short.. and the puncuation at points messes up the line for me... these have good stuff.. and also not good stuff. + Report this comment
Posted by Xena 2008-08-07 19:24:20 ps it would of been really neat if you posted it like.. three minutes before whoever the douschebag is in front of you in the recent stories window.. 3way number 5. a love poem. neat. would have been. ... ohhh alfreds got jokes!.. i mean.. poems.... .. . + Report this comment

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