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Frantic, Chapter 4This story may contain adult content. |
| Written by Christian Wright | |
| Tuesday, 05 August 2008 | |
 Frantic part 4. Alone like the sun.
I strode furiously from the Clarence Hotel and I ignored the friendly concierge as he opened the door. Darkness had resuscitated Wellington Quay; lights twinkled around the River Liffey and music drifted from the nightclubs that dotted the street. Young partygoers with short cut clothes knocked into me as I raced towards my rental car. Pedestrians briefly glanced towards me as my car violently revved before it sped away towards ds Christchurch. My step-father chased me briefly before he became a forgotten memory in my mirror.
I ignored the road and punched the address of my son’s suspected killer’s into the sat-nav. Car lights from behind me flashed anonymously as my car swerved into the two lanes. A posh voice echoed around the car and I obeyed when she instructed me to “turn right at the next junction”. I paid no attention to the red light and swerved towards O’Connell Street. Blurred figures dashed out of my way as I commanded the car onto the pavement. Brightly Lit Georgian buildings idly dominated the street and I stared at the clock; it was nine thirty pm.
The rushed anger that I had felt earlier in the hotel had now scampered and all I had left was tears. How could Anna do this to me, leave me alone when I needed her? Anna had long ago promised not to leave me when our life had got tough .I needed her now; I needed her to tell me what to do. I could not give up on Reece. He was all that was innocent and good about my pathetic life. Reece was four weeks old when Anna left him at my door in a grimy tattered blanket with a scribbled note.
I briefly closed my eyes holding back the vile words that screamed in my head. My car sped past O’Connell Street and drove towards the Point Theatre. I felt anger snarling around my body and I pushed it at the back of my mind. What if Reece was alive? I did not want to lose hope and let go because I knew if my dark mind controlled me again, my biological father could not protect me this time. I would be no good to Reece sitting in prison. My anorak rustled as it wiped away my tears. I remembered the first night I held him as he screamed for his mommy.
I had never felt as close to Anna as I did that night; she was the mother to my child. I smiled as my mind played a recording of a six year old Reece. I had bought him his first surfboard and after one week of falling head first into the ocean he wanted to give in. Of-course I refused and I will never forget his delightful face as his body nervously mumbled on the surfboard. I jumped up and shouted in encouragement as the waves pushed him towards the beach. His small arms dived into the air and he ran to me with victory smiling in his face. Foam lapped around his feet as he jumped into me and his wet arms wrapped around me.
“I did it, Dad,” Reece screamed into my ear.
I remembered as Anna dreamingly walked towards me and laughed “You’re like Tony the tiger. You’re great.”
The memory wrestled away from me and I pulled the reins to the car. The car skidded to a halt on East Point Bridge. Annoyed cars sounded their horns and I ignored them as they peeked out to me. Condensation ran down the car window and I continued to howl in agony of the loss of my family. My body thrashed around the car and I fell asleep with the realisation that I was now longer a father and a husband but just plain Christopher Steatham. Cold nudged me awake and the clock blinked ten thirty pm.
I wiped at the moisture on the window and stared at the river that travelled with venom below. My weak soul could not carry on with-out them so I begged my trembling body to drop into the ravaging river below. Something stopped me as I grappled with the door handle. Cold air tingled at my neck and a mist from an exhale of breath lingered beside me. I closed my eyes and sank into my seat. I inhaled loudly letting her stale perfume briefly bring me comfort. Frigid fingers rubbed at my shoulders and her dull toned voice sliced the air.
“Didn’t I once tell you, I would never leave you?”
I turned around, wiping my eyes with my hands.
“You’re alive, Anna, I don’t understand.”
Apprehensively my hands hovered over Anna’s body but she flicked it away with disgust and her mouth curdled with bitterness. A light from a car streamed around her. Her fingers twirled around her black lifeless hair and her white blotchy face formed a sinister smile. I stared at Anna’s wrist; dried blood streaked her arm and her white flowery dress turned to black when the car light sped away. My fingers tugged at my hair and then I lowered my head trying to avoid her repulsive glare. I rocked my head forwards and backwards into the steering wheel and I lightly repeated my mutterings.
“This is not real.”
Her body did not move as she whispered.
“I am real to you my darling and that is all that matters.”
Anna’s ivory tainted eyes stared at me waiting for a response. I slapped my head trying to force the image of my dead wife. When Anna got tired of my feverish whimpering her voice silenced me.
“You have the name of the people responsible for Reece’s death and you sit here crying, you are pathetic.”
I wiped the tears from my face and stared at Anna.
“They did not find him, Reece may be alive,” I whimpered.
“Reece is ******* dead and you do nothing,” Anna screamed. Her hands thumped at the car seat.
I felt the blood rush to my face and the rage began to infect me. Her eyes moved to my clenched fist and she smiled.
“Just do it, I dare you. Let it out from the cage. For ten years I have watched you struggle to keep the anger and frustration inside. Now you have no reason to cage it. REECE IS DEAD,” Anna said. Her head bobbed towards me, her harsh spittle pushing me away.
I unclenched my hand and stared at her looking for something that once resembled the woman I had once loved. Anna giggled like a child and her hands danced around her skirt.
“I know what you are,” Anna rhymed in a childish tone.
“Shut up,” I shouted and my hands slapped at my thighs. I turned towards the front windscreen and peered through the mirror. She continued her rhyme then her dull eyes stared at me.
“You are a murderer.”
My horrified face stared back at me from the mirror and I jerked open the door handle and ran from the wailing laugh that seemed to follow me. I ignored the car horns as I sprinted across the bridge. I ran into an alley and finally rested in an abandoned garage. My body lent over with exhaustion and my sweating hands rested at my knees. I stared into the darkness; abandoned garages littered with burnt out cars and garbage smirked back at me. I lost the sound of my beating heart to a gentle patter behind me. My body twirled around and Anna’s expressionless face stared back at me. Her harsh breath twitched my nose.
“You can’t run from me Chris. I’m in your head,” Anna said. Her middle finger violently tapped at her head.
I backed away from her and shouted “Leave me alone, you are not real.”
“I wonder if you would be so forgiving to your son’s killers if you were his real father.”
I could not have stopped it even if I wanted to. But secretly I didn’t want to. Rage shuddered around me and I burned with delight as with one back handed slap Anna crashed against the crumbling wall.
“Do not ever say that again, do you hear me,” I roared as I circled her. The surge of aggression nudged me to strike her a second time.
Anna gripped the wall and began to stand. The moon light reflected onto her wedding ring as her fingers patted at the blood that trickled from her nose. Her words imprisoned my body and before she spoke she stared at her glistening blood.
“Tell me you didn’t enjoy that feeling… revenge…power… expressing the hurt that you feel.”
Every word Anna uttered, she contorted her body as if an actress on a stage and the moon seemed to follow her as if her own torch. I mourned for the anger that had now released its grip and I felt ashamed for my actions.
“Anna, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I cried as my body crumpled against a rusted metal door.
Her bare feet splashed in a muddy puddle and Anna knelt beside me. Her forbidden fingers stroke at my hair.
“I have come for the beast that you desperately crave for. The beast that claws at your skin begging to do what you cannot. Set it free,” Anna hissed.
Anna wiped at my tears and I felt her cold kiss on my cheek. Her hands pulled my head on her lap and my neck formed goose bumps to the feel of her cold breath.
I stopped crying and listened to the sound of busy traffic. I had my wish and my wife had not left me but still I felt alone. I remembered how I laid on the beach with Anna; my head leant against her breasts. I would listen to my son jumping in the heavy waves and I would stare at the sun pitying how it looked so alone in its blue sky. My hypnotic voice stopped Anna’s light humming.
“I am alone like the sun in the sky.”
Anna giggled softly and whispered “You were always so sensitive. Do you remember the first time we met?”
I tried to ignore the memory that she had opened with her invisible key; the memory of the Anna that I hated and the man from the photo. I heard the creak of the door as I am pulled into the memory of the animal that I once was and the animal that I now craved for. Copyright 2008 Christian Wright |
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