Posted by chaabuk
2008-08-04 11:44:34
Thoughtful
There must be a lot of frustration within you to depict it so well in the poem. Even scratching will not take it away. How about thoinking of bright colors. Liked it for its thoughtfulness.
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Posted by Helpless
2008-08-04 11:45:05
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Pretty power feeling are going on in this one. A little depressing in the aspect of scratching yourself. Cannot help but think of someone who cuts themselves.
Good Stuff
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Posted by Hodders
2008-08-04 11:46:49
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Thanks for commenting, it's appreciated!
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Posted by jagblane
2008-08-04 12:06:49
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you want to get down the doctors I'm sure they can get you something for that itch! It maybe some hardcore sedation but hey that's the fun of being a little on the darkside! Still one of the better poems on here as the rhymes are fairly natural and it's short enough to not bore you.
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-08-04 12:15:24
Scratch scratch scratch ...
I think this is a whole other level of frustration!
This was pretty cool, man. I like the line "i'll tear a masterpiece into the wallpaper" but where you put it in the first stanza seems out of place, like it's stopping the flow, you know?
Other than that, though, this was really good.
Good Job and Keep on Writing!
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Posted by lemon
2008-08-04 14:25:39
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For some reason this sounds Poe-ish. I liked it a lot though and I agree that you did a wonderful job of describing frustration. Keep the poems coming eh? =]
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Posted by eternalsunshine
2008-08-04 15:52:04
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The topic of this poem is very interesting...I'm even say, a little peculiar?
The second stanza does feel like a tribute to self mutilation - especially with the line "using my very own shiny, red ink." The thought of someone scratching to that point makes my skin crawl.
The rhymes were good, but they didn't match up because of the variances in the length of the lines. I think you should try to match the number of syllables/beats in each line - it will flow better.
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Posted by colemoriss
2008-08-04 17:21:33
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i liked this, it was very strong and grabbing, like something they would read while playing moonlight sontana. the whole frustratoin thing is mutual..
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Posted by Tarhead Mugwump
2008-08-04 20:32:23
reminds
me of a elton john song about suicide (i think i'm gonna kill myself, cause a little suicide)- not that i think it's about suicide (nor is elton's song)- and i'm not necessarily getting hit with wall bashing anger.
for me it seemed more like a proclamation - a proud statement.
but then again, i am me...
write on!
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Posted by ams
2008-08-05 11:45:28
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i actually liked this. the first stanza was my favorite though. i also liked how every stanza the narrator seemed to be getting more desperate.
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Posted by Amatayo
2008-08-06 22:38:18
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today i got a smile, for i read somthing new.
yesterday i had a smile, for i know tomorrow won't be blue.
And tomorrow i'll have a smile for i'll be thinking of you.
ahhh i did not check this is a girls poem right. and if not then change you to "food"
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Posted by Ashutosh
2008-08-29 07:07:15
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Not as good as your other poems but not bad either.
There's a sense of incompleteness that it ptojects.Nevertheless, its well-crafted and good read.
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