While You Were Sleeping

The sun sets and night begins. For some...

Elijah

The distant door closed shut behind him with a click....

I Loathe Him Pie


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Written by Vintage   
Friday, 01 August 2008
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Fat  free, graham cracker crust

(cause the true thing is only lust)

Set it aside

(as he did with my feelings, and my pride)

One cup of sugar, wait no sugar free

(damn his tenacious will to be)

Sliced up lemons, slightly mashed

(for his sour mouth that always lashed)

One cup of light cream cheese

(He hates cheese and I aim please)

One cup of pineapple, no need to crush

(because of him I am always rushed)

Throw this together, messy and freeze

(and taste his viciousness, and my feeling of appease)

 

(yes, this was inspired by the movie Waitress, and my will to loathe)



Copyright 2008 Vintage
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Comments (10)
Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-08-02 00:37:23
....

I think you need to reread through this and fix a few simple mistakes. I'm so-so on this one. I would watch slicing up lemons by the way, that's just a pure characteristic of a sadistic monster.

Are you a sadistic monster?

Well, I hope so.
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Posted by Vintage prose
2008-08-02 00:39:39
....

Thanks for the heads up. It wasn't this garbled in word.
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Posted by Vintage prose
2008-08-02 00:43:46
....

Oh and the contents of this pie contain no body parts.
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Posted by lemon
2008-08-02 00:50:13
....

it was interesting. i liked the thoughts mixed in with the ingredients. i havent seen waitress, but this poem was good. just don't mash anymore lemons please =]
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Posted by Hodders
2008-08-02 04:48:40
....

I think this could be a very good poem if you re-read it and edit it a lot more. I liked it to begin with but it seemed to get worse as it progressed. I think what lost it for me was this sentence: 'He hates cheese and I aim please'. With a little work I think this could be a great poem.
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Posted by r.e.potter
2008-08-02 05:43:21
....

Thought this was a pretty neat idea for a poem. Funny.
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Posted by Tarhead Mugwump
2008-08-02 10:35:58
nice

i've know many a woman that associates eating with emotions, and i know many a man that wonders how the transition actually occurs...

well, now they don't have to wonder anymore - they just need to read your poem.

write on!
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-08-02 12:57:36
....

i really liked this. at first i wasn't sure but then i reread it and i enjoyed it. i liked how you included the thoughts as well. very interesting!
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Posted by philneale1952
2008-08-02 13:48:47
Mixed

Emotions aren't rational and the poem brought this across very well.

Messy stuff comes flooding out when irrationality takes a hold.

Good poem.

Phil
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Posted by Vintage prose
2008-08-03 00:20:38
....

As I re-read as suggested, the only thing I find that may cause confusion is the line-

(He hates cheese and I aim please) stating that is sarcasm, the fact that what he likes does not matter at all.

Thanks for all the comments, I was curious what you might think.
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Last Updated ( Friday, 01 August 2008 )
 
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