Invasion©- chapter 1

The morning sun had begun its rise in the far...

Dominate the House

The birth of my nephew is what brought me back to...

The Butcher of Barrios ©


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Written by r.e.potter   
Friday, 01 August 2008
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          A train moves past my window from it's over ground rails, shaking the small room that's been my hide-away for the past two years. It feels like a small Earthquake as it rolls on by. If only I could leave this dump, this place, but how? A few days ago I thought that maybe there was a way, but that hope has now past me by just like the noisy train that has come and gone as my room settles and quiets back down. I'm down on my luck and I've nowhere to turn.

 

       So what do I do now?

 

       The only thing I can. I throw a rope over the wood frame of my ceiling joust and tie the other end to the rusted radiator that's attached to the wall, and make a noose. I move under that noose and check to see if the loop is higher than six feet two inches off the floor, which is the height that I stand. It is, by about a foot and a half, should work just fine. I place a wooden chair under the rope and step up, and then place the noose around my neck and tighten it snuggly. Nothing left to do now but kick out the chair and leave this damn world. There's only one small problem with that...I don't wanna die.

 

       Confused...well let me explain.

 

       There's a man sitting in the corner of my humble abode, and he's sucking on a fat stogie. The smell of his cigar sickens me, but that's not my biggest problem right now. He also has a Glock G26 9mm pointed straight at me...you see, that's my problem. I was given two choices, this, or going with him to pay a visit to the man, the man I double crossed. The choice was a simple one, this one.

 

      Who is this man you ask.

    

      Well, this man is not a man at all, at least by human standards. I've heard others refer to him as the Butcher of Barrios, but that's being kind. He's a monster and I should know, because as of two days ago, I was his right hand man. The man I'm talking about is Santiago Gambrilas, a made man of the highest kind in the Mexican Mafia.

 

      So why does he scare me?

 

      Well rumor has it, he once took a man who couldn't pay back a measly debt of two thousand American dollars and had him strung up by his balls. He then took a blow torch and burned away most of his skin, but he wasn't finished with him quite yet. When the poor sod came back from unconsciousness, he had his Angelino's dip him slowly in a vat of Iodine. Lucky for the gringo his heart stopped, because what came next was unthinkable. And just to let you know...it was no rumor.

 

     So why is he after me?

 

     Well I had a plan; a dumb one, but a plan nonetheless. You see, once you're sworn into the Mexican Mafia there's no getting out. I should rephrase that. What I mean to say is there's no getting out alive. But like I said earlier...I had a plan. Let me explain. That life style didn't suit me anymore and I wanted a clean break, and being his makeshift accountant I decided I would start shaving money from off the top. The money of course is dirty money, and sometimes even blood money, but when it's your money...it's always clean. Little by little, day by day, and month by month I skimmed off the top, until I finally extorted enough of his money to make a run. The time came, but I needed to make a stop first before I left this hell hole of a town; to the one bedroom apartment where I was secretly hiding all the money. You remember the place; it's the one by the railway...the one I'm at now.

 

     So now you know.

 

     But that doesn't really help me; I'm still on a chair with a noose around my neck, and an assassin who's growing impatient. He's starting to tap his lighter on the table and has now begun to look at his watch, and I know why. If he isn't back at a certain time, Santiago's boys will begin looking for him. And if Santiago's looking for you, I can assure you, you don't wanna be found.

 

     So what do I do?

 

     Well I'm in luck. The one thing I've learn being around Santiago for ten years is that his Angelino's are brutal but they're not very smart. If he was, he would have taken the .44 Magnum I have strapped with my belt backside under my shirt. But I still have a small problem; how I'm I gonna cause him to look away for a second so I can lay a slug between his eye's? I'm just about to go for it and have a no win shootout when the doorknob turns...and in walks Carmelita, the girl I've been seeing, and the girl I'm leaving town with. He turns to look. I haven't a second to lose. I reach behind me, grab my Mag and lay that slug between his eyes. It's a perfect shot. I watch him fall back against the wall as the chair comes to rest with two of its legs hovering in the air, and a cigar still smoking in his mouth; it's a scene straight from the movies. But I don't have time to eat popcorn. I grab his gun, grab the money and grab the girl and head for the door. But before I leave, I walk back to the thug and take out his stinking cigar and extinguish it on his forehead. I look at my watch just as another train begins to roll by; I've wasted too much time...and that's a luxury I don't have.

 

     So where am I going?

 

      Only place I can. I drive on through the night to the border, and Carmelita is sound asleep next to me. She's beautiful. I look at her and wonder why she's even here with me. I don't deserve her. But here she is, and now I wonder if it's stupid or smart that she is. She wakes up as we cross into the States. I look at her as she slides over my way. She kisses my neck. But I can only look at myself in the rearview and wonder just how foolish this plan really was. Because I'm not dumb; I know Santiago will never stop looking for me. Not because of the money I stole from him, but something even more personal.

   

      His wife...Carmelita.

 

to be continued... 



Copyright 2008 r.e.potter
Keyword: gangs extortion
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Comments (18)
Posted by chaabuk
2008-08-01 20:05:44
Bravo!

You've excelled my expectations too. This read like a Godfather mafioso movie. I thought it was pretty dumb for u to double cross the boss for that is THE END. But you walked away not only with the money but his wife too! You've to watch your back from now on. Goldfish has no hiding place. Bravo!
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Posted by chaabuk
2008-08-01 20:08:58
....

Make a correction. Excelled is exceeded. Enjoy.
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Posted by Tarhead Mugwump
2008-08-01 20:28:33
great

story! this, i think, is on the top of my potter favorites list. nice to see it back up on the boards. this is real quality work sir potter!

write on!
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-08-01 23:33:32
Mexican Mafia

You are one of my favorite writers here. You write better then some novels I've read. This one was really good and didn't disapoint. I really enjoyed the style of this story. Will be on the lookout for the next part.

Keep 'em comin!
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Posted by The 13th
2008-08-02 00:52:18
Good to see the Butcher back

I remember when i first read this I was addicted to the butcher series.

Great character name choices and I loved the central character's cockiness. I've said it before Potter.I have never met a writer with such diversity.

Anyway this story and (the next chapter) is kickass, 5 notches.
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Posted by harmattan
2008-08-02 09:03:16
butcher of Barros

I am new here

If this is an example of the general standard then I could struggle a bit.

This is Edgar A Poe, Reservoir Dogs, 3.10 to Yuma and Choose Me all rolled up in one.

I like the tough style.

Thanks
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Posted by C.R. Vard
2008-08-02 12:00:37
i think i said this the first time

i love the format, it really suits this story perfectly. I like the twist at the end as well, put a smile on my face.

'would start shaven money from off the top'- i think you mean shaving.

great story, can't wait for the next part, again.
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Posted by philneale1952
2008-08-02 14:00:50
Vamanos Muchacho!

You're off again then?

I remember this one from another lifetime far, far away in a distant galaxy............

Like a good wine (which by coincidence I have quietly stashed in the fridge) this has improved with age. Not that it was in any way substandard, but re-reading has brought the plot back to me in a different way.

Brilliant stoking up of the tension with a minimum of props in the scene, and the killer line at the end was.......well, deadly.

Get on with it man! I have only ONE lifetime.....
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Posted by lemon
2008-08-02 20:51:46
....

Nicely done Potter. I've got to say I'm growing pretty fond of your stories. This was executed (ha) very nicely. You made the whole thing sound plausible. Nothing was too far fetched.. except for the hanging by the balls.. can that REALLY happen (ouch)

Keep it coming =]
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Posted by Dr Lucifer
2008-08-03 12:27:20
Excellent Beginning

Excellent beginning to an interesting story. Noticed a question without a questionmark. A little more editing, please. Otherwise, I'm looking forward to the next installment.
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Posted by allmine
2008-08-04 10:40:33
....

I remember this story too! Good prologue to what I know is a great series of stories. Hope to see them go further this time around. Glad to see you coming back to life on this site Mr Potter...
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Posted by eternalsunshine
2008-08-04 15:37:02
....

This is a great story,exciting, and it sounds like you know mob movies well enough to make your own. I also really like the ending - even to the line "something even more personal," I was thinking it was because he had gotten away with it, not because he has the boss's wife!

I do think this could benefit with some editing. I noticed some words that didn't seem to fit, and some of the sentences could be shortened/ felt a little run-on.

However, like I said, this was great. The imagery really stood out too.
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Posted by d.dasgupta
2008-08-12 22:34:35
Superb

I don't know what 'revisited' refers to, but I assume that this episode is where the story begins.

It's a fascinating way to start a story. The way you build it, no reader could ever stop till you reach the end.

Also, the prose structure is wonderful. The succession of long paragraphs and short lines somehow help to keep the suspense alive.

It reads as though a great teacher is delivering a lecture. He introduces an idea in the long paragraphs and then asks: 'Well, where do we go from here?' Or, may be, 'What did I mean when I used that particular expression?'

I am thrilled.
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Posted by Brian W Callaghan
2008-08-14 10:11:28
....

Well done. I am definitely interested to see where it is headed. This is why I came to this site, to find good writing that I can learn from. I like the format of this. It makes it flow well.

You built a good element of suspense in the story and the characters have dimension.

Very nice.
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Posted by darrinbouley
2008-08-14 18:36:40
Gripping...

If someone is looking to get drawn in, here is the story for you. I loved the flow and the revelation upon revelation. Nice touch with the cigar to the head, too. Retribution is a tasty read. Just make sure to polish some of the spelling and word usages if you want this to carry a crazy shine. Nice work!
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Last Updated ( Monday, 13 October 2008 )
 
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