students on the run,

cuz' Johnny's got his gun...

he says its just for fun

he shot this man dead,

straight through his god damn head...

that's what he calmly said.

"i know you've come to kill me,

and the devil's gonna bill me..."

his words they always chill me

‘Johnny can you hear me,

no one will revere thee...'

"they better ******* fear me!"

we shouted to and fro.

‘your life you will forgo...

if you don't calmly go.'

"I will not calmly die,

you know I cannot lie...

too bad I make you cry."

I peered through my tears,

but was blinded by my fear...

too bad I still could hear.

The sound of those screams,

they echo in my dreams...

life's not what it seems.

Johnny's lifeless body now

lies as still as time allows...

and now I ask ‘How?'

I wish it were a dream,

I still can hear his scream...

Too bad I'm so damn mean.

Keyword: effect cause

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Comments (8)

Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-07-23 12:42:02 .... I know this is a very serious subject but I couldnt help but crack up while reading it. I liked it, though. Kind of sounded like a Transplants's song. Keep on writing! + Report this comment
Posted by philneale1952 2008-07-23 12:49:57 Riders Damn you! Now I can't get that tune out of my head. Makes the poem run better though. Was struggling with the format until I read your note. Aaahhhhhhhhh.....that's better! Phil + Report this comment
Posted by C.R. Vard 2008-07-23 12:51:49 .... tried to copy the rhythem form the song 'riders on the storm' + Report this comment
Posted by Forsaken 2008-07-23 13:17:59 nice... Good poem. the rythem kept me reading. You can almost imagine a drum beat in your head as you read it. The only thing you could on with this poem is to vary the sentences a bit more. Other than that, it's a good poem. Keep writing like this. + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-07-23 13:53:40 .... nice job. This was an interesting piece. + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-07-24 19:21:10 .... Pretty good. Some of the rhyming seemed a bit forced but that's just my opinion. I did like the subject matter and the flow though. Overall good work on this. + Report this comment
Posted by eternalsunshine 2008-08-01 10:36:10 .... I liked how each group of three rhymed, and none of the rhymes felt outwardly forced. However, I don't really understand what's going on. Johnny likes to kill people? Then why is the narrator so mean? Also, did you notice how many times you said "too bad" as the start of the last line? + Report this comment
Posted by harmattan 2008-08-06 17:11:22 rhythm The answer was in the title yeah. Got that before I started reading. Some of the rhyming a bit contrived but a good effort, Dont stop. Kind regards Harmattan + Report this comment

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