Posted by June Eclipsis
2008-07-21 11:18:26
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This poem was very thought-provoking. I like poems that linger on after you read them and sort of force you to continue thinking about them. Brilliantly done!
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Posted by C.R. Vard
2008-07-21 11:45:22
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it was well written and enjoyable. i loved the comparison to the rollercoaster throughout the poem.
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Posted by Someone Indifferent
2008-07-21 12:03:49
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I also liked the rollercoaster comparison. I did think there were too many commas.. it kind of made it a choppy read.
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Posted by Mokusa
2008-07-21 13:32:37
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I think this is a really great idea and I like how you delivered it, short and sweet. However your use of the term 'mind coaster' completely derailed me. It doesn't share the same grace the rest of the poem has and comes off kind of hokey. But that's just my opinion.
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Posted by r.e.potter
2008-07-21 20:31:50
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A mind is a terrible thing to waste (picture eggs frying on a pan right now). Yes, the mind is a powerful tool, mine must be not working up to par right now cause im totally not understanding this poem. Man has made far more complicated and frightning contraptions, (a Plane for one)so the comparison to a coaster seems off.
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Posted by Something Indecent
2008-07-22 18:55:10
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The mind coaster hit a sour note for me as well. I liked the idea of the poem but the thought of a mind only having one rail be that it goes up and down still seems limited. Good poem though.
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-07-22 20:17:34
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I'm with June on this....i thought this was definitely thought provoking. this makes alot of sense and i think you did a good job.
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Posted by Gryffin
2008-07-23 16:43:13
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Poems like this really make you think about how you live and act. Great job.
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Posted by MeredithsMontage
2008-07-24 06:57:12
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Nice poem. I like the nice terse style. Also you did not feel the need to rhyme. I love the comparison to a rollercoaser. Great poem
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Posted by dockyard
2008-07-24 09:14:15
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"there would proof"
i think you're looking for 'there would be proof' or 'there would prove'. besides that though, a very interesting poem. frank like you. =) no funny business
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Posted by Captain Morgen
2008-07-24 09:52:42
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Thanks for pointing that out! haha, I made a spelling error in the process of transferring it :P
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Posted by eternalsunshine
2008-07-24 15:45:44
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the mind coaster didn't derail me (haha) but i don't think it holds up to the rest of the poem. i really liked the concept of this.
i loved this the most:
that the extremity of the mind's emotional state
far exceeds any manmade contraption
in depth and height,
in overall fright
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Posted by Tarhead Mugwump
2008-08-03 00:47:10
nice
i agree, nothing can compare to what the human mind can conjure, whether fear or fun.
well done, very thoughtful poem. short, sweet, and to the point.
write on!
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Posted by harmattan
2008-08-05 07:41:24
logical
Is that why you wiped your other work?
I have just arrived to you and you have taken your offerings away. You should never destroy a songbook. Leave it there and create another nom de plume for your new stuff.
I liked the roller coaster idea, but remember, and there is an Orbison song about this, there is always a man with his feet on the ground and his fist round the handle......
Even the lunatics are not completely out of control.
Add some soon.
Kind regards
harmattan
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Posted by onyxdragon
2008-08-05 09:18:22
I concur
Excellent work, again, Morgen. I liked the sentiments as well. The mind is a trip, to say the least.
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