Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-07-20 22:17:02
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Really great poem.
These lines I especially liked:
"Bleeding, burning
My own flesh
"Seething, yearning
For the best"
Good work here. Umm...Did you try asking to be left out nicely?
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Posted by garyowen
2008-07-21 01:11:52
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I liked this poem. I was able to associate every line. Its a dark and lonely place and all one can do is ever hope for the best. Keep posting; I like your imagery
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Posted by philneale1952
2008-07-21 02:39:05
Trapped
Getting trapped in the past is a real problem, and it's all inside the head.
Now all my dad's generation have gone, there's a big temptation to 'reminisce' and this is the thin end of the wedge that can bury you.
Good poem.
Phil
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Posted by Hodders
2008-07-21 03:40:45
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Very good, I liked how, when I read it, it flowed very fast as if it's the speakers thoughts or paranoia. The lack of punctuation really helped. I think I liked the first stanza the best: 'Fearing, clearing/Out my past'. It's a strange beginning for a poem but it definitely makes you want to read on.
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Posted by June Eclipsis
2008-07-21 11:30:33
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Pretty nice work. I liked your picture, it really gives an atmosphere we can all relate to. Awesomely done! Great poem.
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Posted by lemon
2008-07-21 11:47:11
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Hodders: That is exactly what I was going for with the paranoia. Glad it worked!
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Posted by
2008-07-22 15:11:15
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Good piece here le-mon. It makes me never want to look at any of my childhood possessions or past accomplishments. Wait a minute, that's no good. This is a bad poem le-mon. How dare you write this maddening dribble and force me to read it while I'm being paid. Have you no shame?
I forgot what I was talking about.
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Posted by Something Indecent
2008-07-22 15:15:18
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Oops they logged me out.
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Posted by Terry Collett
2008-08-07 02:35:14
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Yes, I understand this genre of poetry, know it well. Lucid as ice but so neaty composed. Good.
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Posted by harmattan
2008-08-07 11:49:21
passed
Is that a better title.
Just because you are paranoid does't mean they are not out to get you.
Whoever they are.
Very deep and very sad, but does not quite ring true.
If you were really so down you could not write such entertaining humour on the same site.
You get closer to me with your humour anyway.
I am not yelling "Snap out of it woman". But I have noticed that when you laugh it is neither false nor manic.
Kind regards
Harmattan
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Posted by Eternal_Bliss440
2008-08-15 09:33:22
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Wow! You can easily realte to that poem. Well done. THe only thing I didn't quite understand was the line
Those snapshots of me
On my ass
becasue the word ass isn't really the right word to use in this poem. It might make more sense to leave it out or change it
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Posted by lemon
2008-08-16 11:50:19
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'Snapshots of me on my ass'
symbolizes when I was at my lowest..hence the ass part. :) snapshots being memories.
hope that cleared it up for you
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Posted by Ashutosh
2008-08-29 03:29:10
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Very Nice, Amie.
This is spot on. Good lines, rhyme, description, the font - all works very well. Good read.
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