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Fag Ramblings |
| Written by Alex Hodson | |
| Sunday, 20 July 2008 | |
‘No sorry I don’t. I don’t smoke.’ ‘Don’t ya? Bloody hell! Why not?’ ‘Well…I-I don’t want to…addiction and all that…’ ‘Ah that’s a pile of crap…’ ‘Oh really? Why have you got to have another one then?’ ‘Because I enjoy it…and I can’t stop thinking ‘bout them…’ ‘You see?’ ‘Oh I get it. You’re trying to act all wise and **** aren’t ya?’ ‘No, no, not at all! I was just making a point.’ ‘Well I’ll tell ya where you can shove ya point!’ ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ ‘It means why don’t you take your high class suit and shiny shoes and piss of back to your mansion!’ ‘I don’t live in a mansion…’ ‘…then go and get your butler to make you a nice cup o’ tea and ****!’ ‘I live in a council flat.’ ‘Oh right…aren’t ya allowed to smoke in there or summat?’ ‘No…’ ‘You’re already thinking’ your better than me aren’t ya!’ ‘No I…’ ‘Maybe it’s racism or is it sarcasm? Can’t remember…wish I’d paid attention in school…’ ‘It’s not racism! I was just -’ ‘Just what eh?’ ‘I’m not very comfortable talking to people…’ ‘Excuses, excuses, excuses…’ ‘I’ve got a phobia you see…I find it difficult…’ ‘Phobia eh? Like that fear of spiders?’ ‘Yes, except it’s a fear of people.’ ‘You mean…you’re scared of me?’ ‘Slightly…yes…’ ‘Wow that’s great! So I can, like, poke ya and you’ll get terrified?’ ‘I guess so - OUCH! Stop that!’ ‘What if a guy came at ya with a knife or a gun?’ ‘I’d probably be terrified, like anyone else would be of course.’ ‘I wouldn’t be scared…I’d fight ‘em off!’ ‘I bet you would.’ ‘Ya see I don’t take crap from nobody. I’m like that.’ ‘I see…’ ‘Yeah, come on, punch me right here, right now and I’ll take it.’ ‘Excuse me?’ ‘Come on, just punch me in the face. I’ll be able to take it.’ ‘I don’t want to…’ ‘Come on, you’re chance to face that fear ya got.’ ‘But…’ ‘Bring it mate!’ ‘Fine…’ ‘OUCH! ****! THIS TWAT JUST PUNCHED ME!’ ‘But you told me to!’ ‘SOMEBODY GET THE POLICE! QUICK!’ ‘What? Why are you doin’ that?’ ‘For revenge mate! Ha! Yes! The police are coming, that woman’s just ringing them…’ ‘But…’ ‘You’d better run mate. People are looking and my nose is beginning to bleed.’ ‘What do you want revenge for?’ ‘Want me to tell ya?’ ‘Yes and quickly please!’ ‘You didn’t have any fags on ya. I’d start smokin’ from now on.' Copyright 2008 Alex Hodson |
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