Thirteen years, she's been around. And yet, Emily still didnt know her. She stared her down from across the breakfast table. Katherine had come home this morning.

It was bleak. Katherine didn't say a word to Emily. She simply stared right back at her in a less threatening way than Emily was looking at Katherine.

"What?" Katherine said in her defiant junior high way. When Emily didn't respond, Katherine left the table and sat on the kitchen counter.

"I don't understand you, Emily. Why were you staring at me?" Emily's eyes went to the window behind Katherine's vacated chair.

Emily didn't say a word. She was frustrated with herself for giving in last night, and she was fully prepared to take it out on Katherine. The silent treatment usually let Emily calm down, since her tone wouldn't be as friendly.

Emily stalked off to her room after Katherine didn't have a fit, and when she got there she closed the door forcefully behind her. She pulled the rubberband out of her hair and let it float around her.

She hadn't had a chance to take out her frustration on her sister, so she was going to have to deal with it herself.

She got out a notebook and a pencil and started writing down her innermost thoughts. This was her record most of the time, so she could really organize and understand what she was thinking and feeling. She didn't stop until every last stress was on the page, and then she read it again.

Katherine is being bratty and not responding the way I want her to.

My hand and fingers hurt from all the cuts

I don't have to do this, it just happens

I know I can control this, I just don't know how

She read the lines on the paper three times over and realized she had no reason to be mad at Katherine for not reacting. She couldn't control everything.

Her hand and fingers did hurt. That was something else she couldn't control. She wanted so badly for someone to notice. Her friends didn't even know.

Possibly the worst part of her frustrations came from the last two lines. It was true, she didn't have to do this, and she knew there had to be some way to control it.

The consequences of not knowing how to control it were great. She had to take the small pay off of not hearing things in exchange for hurting herself and letting it have control over her.

What was compelling her to do this to herself? It's not like she wanted to do this, she couldn't take the other option of not silencing her conscience.

All she wanted to do right now was to cut so deep all the blood drained out of her. Maybe then her mother would notice. Maybe if she died her sister would realize how big of a pain in the ass she is.

Every thing would be resolved in the event of her death. Maybe death really was the answer to her problems. It would be so easy to die.

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Keyword: To Bleed

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Comments (6)

Posted by lemon 2008-07-16 15:06:30 .... This is a really powerful story and it is quite well written.. Is this from personal experience? oh, nevermind I shouldnt ask that. :o| Anyway, I think this was a good story and you've captured the cutters perspective very well. + Report this comment
Posted by C.R. Vard 2008-07-16 15:09:24 .... you've done a wonderful job explaining to me why people cut do these things to themselves. the only thing is the paragraphs are really short, perhaps some of them should be combined? that's the only thing im struggling with at the moment. + Report this comment
Posted by stronger 2008-07-16 17:24:24 .... Chels, this is really good. I think you needed to spend more time on describing her feelings and actions because it seemed like you skimped on that a bit. :) + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-07-17 19:57:30 .... A dark and compelling look at the way Emily and others like her might think. The addiction of cutting herself is described in a manner that could easily be turned into another addiction or problem. I like that. Good work. + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-07-22 23:30:23 .... definitely agree with the others. you write very well and the way you describe this character's thoughts and actions is brilliant. i'm glad i started reading this story. + Report this comment
Posted by JJtyler 2008-07-22 23:45:59 .... A dark subject is hard to make into an entertaining read, I think. Especially one as dark as this. I look forward to reading more of the story. Good luck and keep writing. + Report this comment

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