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Haven City


This story may contain adult content.
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Written by J. Schmitt   
Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Haven City

It was Sunday morning, 6:39 am. A slowly rising red ball drenched Haven City in a mixture of red and orange. It was the last day of summer in the biggest city in the western hemisphere. Merc was awakened by the first rays of light that glimmered through the barricaded windows. It would have been a perfect late summer morning. He heard the birds chirping happily "as if nothing had happened", he thought, when he silently glanced at the mirror doing his morning routine. After he had finished, he put the old magazine, with a politely smiling Hillary Clinton on the cover, back into the dusty, black cupboard, to the other souvenirsof the previous age.

He grabbed his keys, got into open-topped Jaguar and dropped his briefcase on the backseat. He started the engine. It was a pleasant, familiar, almost transcendent wound. He zommed down the old highway to the harbour of Haven City where good old Jack was still clinging onto his torch, ready to welcome the tourists and immigrants that were visiting Haven City long ago, in the old age. Merc silently smiled at his collegues when he arrived at the harbour. his supervisor had piled up quite a lot of work. Merc sat down at the pier, solely, observing a swarm of fish fighting for the last bit of meat, knocking each other out, even ready to kill each other  just to get the biggest slice of rotting flesh; "Capitalistic, stupid fish!", Merc thought. The supervisor moved closer to him and said:"You have to cope with it, we all lost something during the "Big Bang, but we have to go on... We will have cleaned up everything in one or two years and we can make  Haven City turn into the biggest and mightiest City in the entire world..."

Merc silently went into his bulldozer and pushed, bit by bit, the black and brown crowd of burned corpses down the cliff. A silent tear slwoly fell down his cheek,"one more year", "two for the most", he thought silently looking at the descending ball of fire drenching all of Haven City into a mixture of bloody-red and flamy-orange.



Copyright 2008 J. Schmitt
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Comments (8)
Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-07-16 09:51:58
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The name Haven City is really cool, but I dont get where this story went? Maybe I'm more delirius than usual.
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Posted by Nenya
2008-07-16 11:10:36
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I was unsure if the storyline is easy to follow, well i admit it isn`t xD this story plays in a post-apochalytic world (due to a war which ended with a big bang) and i wanted to make it somehow mystic. Merc is working to clean the city and reconstruct it with the last survivors of that "armageddon-like" event. if you have any advice how to make it clearer tell me. lookin forward to your answer cuu^^
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Posted by lemon
2008-07-16 13:03:59
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I think you should add the information from your comment into your story so that it makes better sense. Maybe have a paragraph describing the 'event' and lead into what he's doing now and why.
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-07-16 19:59:20
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Yeah, put a couple more paragraphs describing the history of Haven City. I have a feeling this could be a really bad ass story. Keep it up, man.
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Posted by philneale1952
2008-07-17 05:47:57
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The story seemed to stop before it really got going.

There's more than potential here, and this sound like the Prologue to something far darker.

Good beginning.

Phil
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Posted by Something Indecent
2008-07-17 16:08:31
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I agree. This story seems to be lacking information along with action. There are also some spelling errors. I think if you expanded on this by doubling the size it would make more sense and be a fuller more interesting tale. Just some suggestions. This is good though.
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Posted by Nenya
2008-07-17 18:18:26
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I will definitely work on this story, but I am unfortunately short of time at the moment
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Posted by chaabuk
2008-08-12 08:57:36
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What a pity! Haven City is not exactly a heaven. It must be pretty dunce to live there. Merc don't seem to be having a good time there. The coount is too short but interesting.
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 16 July 2008 )
 
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