In a time not too long ago, in a place not too far away lived a man who was very sad, he was very sad because he couldn't find a pretty girl to call his own, he always thought his nose was too big for any women to like him and this man's name was Chris.

One Friday on a merry night out in their favourite pub Chris and his friend Mick were both being a bit silly after drinking too much special juice, as they sat in the toilet cubicles.

Chris is sitting in one cubicle and Mick in the one right next to him as they begin their pleasant conversation.

"Let me tell you something Mick man" said Chris ecstatically

"What is it?" questioned Mick drunkly

"I just shat my lot"

Mick always did like it when Chris said silly things like this.

"There are a few nice women around tonight." Said Mick

"Oh how I wish a girl would take interest in me, I wouldn't care if she was fat or old or ugly, it wouldn't matter, I just need a women"

Mick listened to this and laughed heartily.

"Don't be silly Chris" exclaimed Mick, "you would care, you would"

And with that, in melodramatic fashion Chris raised his arms to the gods themselves and exclaimed.

"For the love of everything god, just let something go my way...for once in my miserable, long nosed life!

And Mick laughed heartily again, "silly old Chris", he thought to himself. "Will he ever learn?"

Chris walks out of the toilet after finishing up, making sure not to wash his hands, and if Mick ever questioned why he didn't wash his hands Chris would always answer.

"What's the point? Wash my hands, don't wash my hands, wipe my arse don't wipe my arse, have a shower every four weeks don't have a shower every four weeks...who cares? Doesn't matter what I do I still have a big nose and I still wont get any women.

And how could Mick argue with this? To him it made sense, he didn't necessarily agree but he certainly understood.

But something had happened in that toilet, something that neither of them would ever be able to explain after.

Somebody had been in the cubicle to Chris's left, and luckily for Chris, it was someone magical! A rather large and fat man had been listening in to what Chris had to say, 364 days of the year, he was just a normal man, but once a year, this fat man would become magical and grant the first persons wish he heard that day, what day it is nobody knows and maybe it changes every year.

But once Chris had finished yelping out his melodramatic wish the fat man simply reached across and touched the wall of his cubicle, and little did Chris know that his wish had been granted.

So off Chris went, back into the pub, leaving Mick to wash his hands.

"Ello Love! "

Chris couldn't believe what he was seeing; no sooner had he stepped out of the toilet than he had lost his normal nose and there was a beautiful girl standing outside of it. Seemingly waiting for him!

"Wow, your nose is gorgeous, its so small and delicate, bloody hell I need a piece of you!"

Chris gleamed, touching his face to see if it was true, he had never been so happy, he smiled brightly and before he knew he was getting pulled away from his friend without even seeing him, pulled out of the pub, pulled down the road, and into this girls house.

Chris knew what was to come next, they were going to have the sort of fun only a women and a man can have, but before they began, she said something to him.

"You've got to understand one thing, once I turn the light off and take off my clothes and we begin, you are not allowed to turn it back on and look at me, you might see something you wont like."

But before she had even finished her sentence Chris had all his clothes off and was ready to go!

"Yeah, yeah whatever"

Chris just thought she had a third nipple or something, and god knows he didn't care about that!!

But all the same, now that the light was off and they were getting busy, Chris couldn't help but wonder, what was it that she didn't want him to see!

But he pushed the thoughts aside, trying his best to forget it, but he couldn't he just couldn't.

"What if she's not really a she??" Chris thought, "what if she's a he?" and with that he leaped of the bed and turned the light on. But there was nothing wrong with her.

"What's wrong with you?" Chris questioned?

"Well one of my tits is a bit bigger than the other."

But Chris couldn't see it, Chris couldn't see any problem with her whatsoever.

"What are you talking about? There is nothing wrong with you...your beautiful"

The women on the bed began to laugh and cackle madly, slowly she began to grow, grow so large and fat, she began to grow things no women should ever have, and now Chris was looking at a man, a fat man, the man from the toilet.

Chris was so shocked his eyes almost feel out.

"Ho, ho, ho, hooo!" the fat man now completely transformed still laughed.

"Who are you?" Chris queried

The fat man stopped laughing and was now very serious.

"I am the fairy of doubt and lack of self belief, and I'm here to help you. I hope you've learnt a valuable lesson today Chris, you couldn't see anything wrong with that girl lying here, just like nobody ever sees anything wrong with you...or your nose!"

"But somebody has said things, people have said I have big nose."

"If people said your name was Noel does that make it true?"

"No, I suppose not"

And with that Chris went back to the pub with his nose back in place but with a genuine smile on his face that Mick hadn't seen in years.

"Did you have fun?" Mick asked cheekily

"No not really, but I learnt a valuable lesson today Mick."

"What's that Chris?"

"Too much booze and I'll **** anything!"

Poor Chris, but maybe boys and girls, just maybe you can learn something from this, even if it is too late for our old friend Chris.

Keyword: The Tall Tales Of Chris

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Comments (7)

Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-07-15 08:39:12 .... one thing really bugged me about this story; you kept switching tenses. I didnt really think this story was funny, kind of boring to tell you the truth. + Report this comment
Posted by philneale1952 2008-07-15 09:21:43 .... Maybe I'm on another planet then, but I laughed at the end. Simple straightforward plot, nothing complicated and an end that was just plain silly. Right up my street. Phil + Report this comment
Posted by Mokusa 2008-07-15 09:46:43 .... You have some interesting ideas here, like the two friends having a conversation between stalls and the self doubt fairy. There could be more tension in the story though. It does come off a little flat. Maybe built up more suspense in the part where he can't turn the lights on. You might want to proof read it once more, you're missing some quotes and there's some dropped words. You're missing the 'a' here: ...people have said I have big nose." And you left a quote off here: ...I still wont get any women + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-07-16 11:47:15 .... I think it needs to be rewritten as well to achieve a more gratifying read but it was amusing. Flesh it out more and it could be even better. I did like the las couple lines about fucking anything. Keep going dude. + Report this comment
Posted by brandon_scott 2008-07-16 18:51:04 .... So-So. There were a lot of spelling errors, and the story didn't quite flow. Not only that, but I found out that it makes me just as uncomfortable to read a conversation between two men in bathroom stalls as it does to have a conversation with a man when I'm in a bathroom stall. Yeesh. + Report this comment
Posted by mickruston 2008-07-17 14:12:31 Tall Tales of Chris At first I wasn't sure! But at the end I kind of liked it, worts and all. I think the story has some potential, perhaps with a little tweaking here and there. But I did like it! + Report this comment
Posted by JJtyler 2008-07-28 22:19:46 .... It could use some work, but I loved this line: "But something happened in that toilet." That alone was worth the price of admission. + Report this comment

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