Posted by MeredithsMontage
2008-07-15 06:24:31
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Very dark imagery. "Marching Toward the Tomb" is such a depressing imagine. Very good, paints an images that really tells the story.
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Posted by soulwriter
2008-07-15 06:39:52
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These lines make no sense to me, I'm afraid -
Shuttle cock and loom (loom isn't a noun, and why are you bringing badminton into it?)
Consume the drum is beating boldly (the drum is called Comsume?)
I'm guessing this poem is about the doom that greed and evil will bring, resulting in war, yeah? And this "simple soul" is the way to be? Why speak about pigs in a sty? Are they supposed to represent the "moneyed faces" as the "simple soul" sees them?
It's okay, but again, those lines are somewhat fluffed.
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Posted by Junglecan
2008-07-15 10:50:07
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i'll be honest, i have absolutely no idea what this story is supposed to be about. i thought it might be about someone that was no dead and was looking over something or someone...but basically, it would be in your interest to try and make it clear as to what this poem is about. after all it is a poets job to do that within thier poem.
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Posted by June Eclipsis
2008-07-15 12:11:15
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I thought this was brilliantly done! The imagery was superb! I absolutely loved it. This is the type of poem I love. Confusing, yet it gives the right feelings to the atmosphere, making it unique. Imagery is always very important and the more complex that imagery is, the better.
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Posted by brandon_scott
2008-07-15 16:24:05
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I'm with June on this one. Very dark and foreboding at the beginning, and then the last for lines are brighter and more simple, like a ray of hope in a storm of desolation. Very well done.
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Posted by Pilgrim
2008-07-15 16:31:32
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This was okay to me. The message I'm assuming is the complications that people bring upon themselves when they set or focus their minds on vain endeavors, yet the simplest person can receive the greatest insight in simple things.
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Posted by colemoriss
2008-07-17 12:51:40
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i could comprehend the first few lines, but it was a good poem. it was deep and meaningful, and you do have people that take the time to wonder at pigs in a sty. good poem.
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Posted by bakerSdozen
2008-07-17 13:10:08
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Didnt understand, and im an understandable guy
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Posted by Squall1
2008-07-18 21:30:34
What?
Yeah, there didn't really seem to be any message hear that I could see. No matter how rhythmic or poetic you can make something, it is useless if you leave your readers saying, "huh?"
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Posted by chaabuk
2008-07-23 19:04:43
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These are war times. This poem fits perfectly in the wars going on in Afghanistan and Iraq. You portray the blood and gore, the death and cries only too well. Sad.
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Posted by harmattan
2008-08-10 06:48:53
why
In a vague and distant memory gary owen was a merry dance (I think) and that is what you have led some critics.
"Consume" in inverted commas would have helped I think, but warp and weft is obviously way beyond the ken of younger reviewers.
I like the idea of simple things being just as fascinating as the hurley burley of modern life.
Welldone.
Kind regards
Harmattan
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Posted by Ashutosh
2008-08-23 03:43:20
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Very nice, Gary. I get it. I liked it.
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