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Written by john mccuaig   
Monday, 14 July 2008
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1- Once again

Detective Sergeant Pam Yates sighs as she enters the

lift on the way up to the new crime scene. This has been the sixth murder in as many months as she can already picture in her tired mind what the victim will look like.

 

    She arrives at the top floor of the Croydon Regal

Hotel and shows her I.D badge to get past the mass of

uniformed officers who are keeping the whole floor clear

of civilians.

 

     Croydon is on the outskirts of London and whilst it

isn't the best place in the city it's also certainly not

the worst. Of course its has its fair share of crime and

that includes many murders but it has never before been

under the grip of a serial killer, until now that is.

 

    As she enters the room she is met by the head of the

investigation team, Chief Superintendent Arthur Rowley

from the Serious Crime Office based in central London.

 

   He doesn't look happy with her but being the true

professional he won't say anything in front of anyone out with his team. "Morning Pam. The maid found her this

morning when she went in to do the room. The crime scene

guys haven't quite finished yet but it's definitely the

same guy. Go in and have a wee look but remember and be

careful that you don't touch anything."

 

    The victim is, as the previous cases, tied spread-

eagled on the bed and gagged, all done with the same blue linen strips. We have ascertained that this material has all been cut from the same batch, possibly just a common bed sheet.

 

    Then she looks at the wounds, her neck is cut wide

open from ear to ear. Almost her entire blood system is

now soaked into the once crisp white sheets and mattress. The killers tell tale sign, which has so far been kept from the publics knowledge, is that her eyes have been carefully cut out of their sockets and have been taken away as some sort of trophy. Pam is no longer shocked at this sight.

 

    She has her look around without see anything new and

returns  to the Chief to get her assignment. After the

second murder the Serious Crime Office had been called in to take over and they had put together a couple of dozen officers including her. She has always felt she was only picked to be the token local copper on the team.

 

    Rowley is already giving out orders to four members

of the team by the time Pam gets there. She guesses all

the prime tasks will be gone by the time he gets to her.

 

    "Pam, come walk with me," Rowley tells her once the

others have left and they go out into the corridor.

 

    He is not happy, "You only live a mile or so away Pam so how come it took you so long to get here? I need to be able to rely on my people."

 

   "I'm sorry sir. I was took one of my children to

school and then the other to the dentist without

realising I forgot to take my phone. It was only when I

got to the station that I was told about the murder. I

promise it won't happen again."

 

     He looks at her, not believing her promise but still nods his heavily wrinkled bald head. "Okay Pam. The victim is Maureen Burton, aged 36, an actress who was in a play at the Fairfield Halls. She has been staying at this hotel for two weeks and was booked in for another until the shows run was finished. I want you to go to the theatre and speak to the people she worked with, see if anyone was hanging around or the like."

 

     Not the best job but not too bad see tells herself.

She replies "Yes sir and thank you sir. I will go there

now as they should be turning up soon to get ready for

the matinee performance."

 

    She leaves the crime scene and goes back down in the

elevator. She has time to study herself in the mirror

lined box. Dressed in a navy skirt and jacket and with

her blonde hair straight out of a bottle she looks more

like a saleswoman than a police officer.

 

    She had turned forty just before the first murder and now she was thinking more and more about her future. Her nine year old twin kids, Jack and Katie were by far the most important thing in her life and she wanted to spend as much of her time with them as possible.

 

     She had decided she was going to leave the Criminal

Investigation Department as soon as this case was over.

She wanted to stay in the police so she planned to get a

transfer to some sort of nice easy nine to five desk job.

 

    Her husband David had always been a huge support

throughout her career but even he was starting to get fed up with all these crazy hours.

 

   She then realises that she wants this case over more

for her own personal reasons than it stopping more loss

of life.

 

   Pam looks down, unable to look in the mirror anymore.



Copyright 2008 john mccuaig
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Comments (9)
Posted by MeredithsMontage
2008-07-14 11:38:47
....

Very good. Has left me wanting more. Already caught off guard that she was a mother and that her family life was getting in the way. I did not expect that from the first couple of paragraphs.

Kudos
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Posted by SageSyren
2008-07-14 11:44:44
....

It's a good start. I say a couple of missed spelled words and some missing comma's, but those could be easily fixed with a quick edit.

Serial killer that takes his victims eyes? Creepy and yucky.

My only suggestions is to not forget to use all five senses; taste, touch, sound, smell and sight. Smell is a hard one to remember, but it will bring your reader into the story more.
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Posted by lemon
2008-07-14 12:28:52
....

Good start. I definitely want to read more. You did a good job of telling the reader a LOT of information without seeming to crowd out the story. Not a lot of people do that this smoothly.

keep it coming =]
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Posted by The 13th
2008-07-14 12:46:56
....

I lived in Croydon for 1 year before coming to Ireland.Not a bad place.

Good story and was left wanting more.Looking forward for chapter2.

Reminded me of the murder mystery programmes on itv.

Good one John.
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Posted by brandon_scott
2008-07-14 17:46:41
....

Not being one to normally enjoy a series story, I was going to skip over this one. I'm glad I didn't. This was very well told, and I'm finding myself looking forward to seeing what happens next. Good job.
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Posted by Something Indecent
2008-07-16 07:35:12
....

Pretty good opener. I'm looking forward to seeing what you're going to do with this series. I like it so far with the main character feeling ashamed of her self-motivation and the twisted serial killer. Keep 'em coming man.
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Posted by sebcoco
2008-07-28 13:31:59
....

Nice starting so far. The story progresses nicely including some elements which made the reader find out more.

Waiting to know more about Pate.
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Posted by JJtyler
2008-07-28 22:06:29
....

Wow, SageSyren really said it well. I don't think I can say anything more than I like where you are going, but the pacing seemed somewhat quick because we didn't get the full picture.

Good luck and keep writing.
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Posted by bamaboy
2008-09-13 12:50:57
....

Good start, You painted a very good picture of the whole scene in my mind, a slightly disturbing scene, but it was good. Also you have"I was took one..." just a slight error I noticed, other than that great story.
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