This Internal Poison

gone was the girl

gone was the girl once innocent of love, heartaches...

The Smell of Fear

This was becoming ridiculous and high time that...

Written by Amie Kerlin

Sunday, 13 July 2008

Darkness engulfs me like a lovers embrace

Pulling me down to this dank, dismal place

Tears pouring down to puddle below

Each drop is my pain, my grief, and sorrow

My internal mirror hides no blemish or flaw

One glance at myself and I'm forced to withdraw

So I'll keep it inside, put away on this shelf

There is nowhere to run to hide from myself

I'll never escape this prison I've made

These feelings won't leave me; no, they'll never fade

I'll continue to stay here, trapped in my head

Where this poison eats away my veins and magnifies my deepest dread.

(Thanks resistanceisfreedom =])

Keyword: poison self loathing depression

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Comments (17)

Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-07-13 21:43:37 .... pretty darn good poem. i really liked the second stanza. Great work! + Report this comment
Posted by Mokusa 2008-07-13 22:41:44 .... I think it a pretty good poem structure wise but it seems a little repetitive in the self-loathing department. Its hard to make suggestions on someone's poem when you don't know their feelings, but to me it would be interesting to know something more specific about why this person feels this way. The first line is interesting because it uses something positive, a lovers embrace, to describe a total lack of self worth. Maybe that could be reworded to show that this person has lost a love or something. Again I don't know your feelings so I can't suggest what to write. bla bla bla. Basically I think its good. + Report this comment
Posted by philneale1952 2008-07-14 04:53:57 .... I found it indicative of the mood swings that we all slip into from time to time. Everyone has bad days, and this poem sounds like a reflection of one of those. Phil + Report this comment
Posted by MeredithsMontage 2008-07-14 07:38:50 .... Very good poem. Dark on the dismal side. Flows nicely. I liked it very much. + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-07-14 13:02:20 .... of course this was a good poem. although the only thing i had a problem with was the very last line. for some reason it didn't seem as good as the other lines. but that's probably just me :] + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-07-14 13:37:34 .... No, its not just you.. I dont like it too much either.. I knew I was going to call it 'this internal poison' but i'm not happy with that last line either. I'll probably change it. Any suggestions resistanceisfreedom? =] + Report this comment
Posted by r.e.potter 2008-07-14 13:43:17 .... Ill continue to stay here, trapped in my head. A marraige of sorrows from this bottle ive wed.. thought it was good. + Report this comment
Posted by 2008-07-14 14:35:26 .... Dark and haunting. We all are very self-critical of ourselves, some of us more than others. Crap, I had a really good ending line for you then the phone rang and now I've lost it. Awesome poem, great job! + Report this comment + Delete this comment
Posted by allmine 2008-07-14 14:37:03 .... That last somment was by me, it was like I was logged in but not logged in....isn't the weird? So again, I will noncommmically say that this was a great poem...like chanting almost + Report this comment
Posted by brandon_scott 2008-07-14 17:02:49 .... As I was reading it, I thought, "Not another 'I hate me' poem!". However, it turned out to be pretty good. I'm not really fond of the last line, either, and I'll tell you why: "Where this poison I've created just keeps getting fed"... is the poison getting fed, or are you feeding off of the poison? I just entered that weird phase where, if you say a word too many times, you lose its meaning. The word "fed" is nonsensical to me right now. Good poem. + Report this comment
Posted by C.R. Vard 2008-07-14 20:31:20 great opening line I liked the comparing of a lover's embrace to darkness, but it's not one of my favorite poems ever. However, it was well written and flowed nicely. + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-07-14 22:20:57 .... Where the poison eats at my veins and magnifies my deepest dread. That's what i have come up with haha. + Report this comment
Posted by June Eclipsis 2008-07-15 12:25:01 ... From the very beginning of the poem, I felt drawn into it. I believe it was your style of writing, but it may also be the subject matter. I think this is truly something many of us can relate to. + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-07-16 06:17:36 .... I liked it. I think you could've made it longer to help personify your feelings more but you do get the point across. What's with you and zombie always doing poetry now? It's just a quick fix amie! You know you'll be back fiending for more but your brain won't give you anymore rhymes. So what do you do? You start smacking your head hoping for that Fonzy fix but the more you pound and write and shoot out your rhymes the more jumbled up your brain becomes leaving you as a mumlbling vegetable that shot all of its proverbial seed throughout the internet and is left drained with nothing inside to keep you sane. But there's help for you yet amie! That's right. Just call me at 555-814-9827 and be prepared to make the three easy payments of $74.59 and I'll personally put a part of my own brain into your skull. But you better call now because our supplies are going fast!.........iowen;asdfnmgsugasd + Report this comment
Posted by CDeCarlo 2008-07-16 14:19:24 .... I think it's really dark. I like i though. It puts dark thoughts into a perspective every one can understand. I could definitely see this being performed at a coffee shop. + Report this comment
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Last Updated ( Tuesday, 15 July 2008 )

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