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Repugnant Disjointment
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Written by Jason Haugh   
Saturday, 12 July 2008

A swelttering stare,

how could you even dare,

judge these actions,

with such dejection,

 

You degenerate soul,

lamenting me as drole,

your fingers are pointed,

what makes you important,

 

You can't understand,

without explanation,

I wished you different,

but accepted a limit,

 

The experience I've led,

and the regret that I've bled,

should falter your step,

not quicken your breath,

 

That mutual sadness,

that shared dissapointment,

that anti-climatic,

repugnant disjointment.

 

 

Author's Note: This is my first poem not intended for a song. The End.



Copyright 2008 Jason Haugh
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Comments (9)
Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-07-12 23:37:24
....

this is about the cruxifiction of jesus, right? hehe

i enjoyed it, had a good flow to it i though. job well done
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Posted by lemon
2008-07-13 00:04:18
Meeting Jason-Serious-Haugh

That was actually pretty good. I was expecting something insane, but this was ... not? lol

I liked the two different 'personalities' in every other stanza and then every other line at the end. nifty idea. Good job =]
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Posted by Hodders
2008-07-13 05:41:02
....

I liked it, it's a very unique poem. It flows really well and I enjoyed reading it. There's some brilliant vocabulary used here which makes it very professional. Good job!
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Posted by Pilgrim
2008-07-13 10:36:16
....

This poem was pretty good. I felt you placed commas where commas didn't need to be placed. Commas usually cause a break in a thought, and some of your sentences needed to flow with no break. I believe the poem would read better if you took some of the commas away.
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Posted by brandon_scott
2008-07-13 11:24:34
....

I thought it was a good poem, even though you used some of them five-dollar words that I need a dictionary for. I enjoyed reading it, and I agree with Punk that it sounds like a poem about the crucifiction of Jesus.

Keep up the good writing.
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Posted by Kasi elaborated
2008-07-13 15:04:13
I agree

I would have to agree with everyone else.

Great poem especially for one of your firsts. This piece has good flow and rhyming patterns. Good use of words too.
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Posted by Mokusa
2008-07-14 10:01:05
....

Okay I'm going to throw out a little something to think about. First off, I agree with everyone that this is a pretty good poem so please don't take this as a negative criticism but just something to consider. I think poetry is about the way words sound together as much as it is about their actual meaning. Your title Repugnant Disjointment doesn't seem very harmonious to me. It has a sharp quality that doesn't flow well off the tongue. If it were just another line in the poem it wouldn't be a big deal but as the title and punchline I think you could find a better pairing of words. To me the title repels me more than it captures me.
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Posted by Ashutosh
2008-08-29 08:05:18
....

A poem, finally! And a pretty good one too. I Like it. I enjoyed it.

I also found it a little humorous by the way. Especially the first two stanzas.

What's with the italics in between ?
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Posted by Pilgrim
2008-09-04 14:05:47
....

This flowed very well. You have a natural rythm.

A couple parts seemed to throw me off and that was the fourth line. Dejection didn't seem to ryhme with actions. verses 9-12 was disconnected with no rhyme. Yet the flow was so good I almost didn't notice it.
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Last Updated ( Saturday, 26 July 2008 )
 
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