Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-07-11 14:06:38
....
 
I really liked this poem, it had a good flow but the lines 'so try and not let this break me/and make my mood more canine' stopped the flow. it just seemed out of place.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Amatayo
2008-07-11 14:20:23
....
rag-ga-pag-na-frag-ger-mice. hahahaah
I don't know I felt that it flowed nicely. But then I read it like two hundred times so maybe it sounds good to me.
But I don't know I though this might be the best one I had written. Or the one that I most liked.
And why is it I can never be in the beginning of the forums?
I'm getting angry. Gonna start sounding like poppa bear.
Lag-ga-mag-ga-raz-taz-comin-fast-has-get
hit-with-my-cast. woof woof.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-07-11 20:46:42
....
your last two amazed me....but this one i didn't care for. for me, the flow was definitely off and that's what shot it.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Hodders
2008-07-12 08:42:37
....
I agree with resistanceisfreedom, I think your last couple of poems were great, for me this one is good but not as good as the others because they seemed more unique, especially 'Daddy what is?' which I really enjoyed.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by brandon_scott
2008-07-12 13:37:32
....
I thought this one was pretty decent. I especially like the line "And pain against my skin/ is how I pass the time". Self-mutilation isn't right or good, but that line seems to stand out anyway. Good job.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Pilgrim
2008-07-13 12:51:12
....
This was okay. I think the periods throw off the flow of the poem. Remember, periods are for ending a thought, you can't use them in teh middle of a sentence. Some words also seemed not to fit into the message you were trying to convey.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by nick711
2008-07-15 15:02:36
....
I thought it was pretty good. It seemed at parts you were trying too hard to make the words rhyme and it sounded almost staccato.
+ Report this comment |  |
via Email