My Present

I wrote this poem and had RE Potter look it over. ...

Awakening of Minds (Part One)

So there I was, looking once more at the device on the...

A View
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Written by C.D.Walker   
Wednesday, 09 July 2008
Image
A woman stands before me glorious in beauty
my sad eyes see past this veneer, this shell
such an intricate wall to protect this poor little girl
    who knew a cocoon could be beautiful
    wonderful radiant smile
    I wish her eyes would laugh

Men do what men do and take this chassis at face value
to me they see the world as if on the bottom of a well
    so I wonder

What kind of soul rests on the other side of this shell
do I dare to try to care to open this safe
will a golden soul be my fate

or do these hard walls hold the darkness within

    do I dare do anything?

So I try not to stare at this beautiful girl as I wonder what makes up her world
how she came to be this woman I see who gives me another smile and wink
makes me up another drink, makes me question how I think

I may not be at the bottom of a well looking up
Is there any difference on top looking down?


Copyright 2008 C.D.Walker
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Comments (6)
Posted by lemon
2008-07-10 10:52:19
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This has a really good message, and I like how you compared the woman/girl to other things that we usually take at face value. But I think you should stick with either 'girl' or 'woman' rather than go back and forth, maybe put a line in there about how she is a woman, but inside she's still a girl .. something like that.. oh great, now I've got brittney spaniel's not a girl, not yet a woman stuck in my head. *sigh* nice work though =]
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Posted by ams
2008-07-10 13:47:44
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i thought that this poem was really good. i especially liked the first stanza, thats my favorte part of this poem. i think it was something relatable to about putting on a mask to cover up the sorrow and the brokeness.

i also liked the well analogy, i thought that it was interesting to think that the rest of the world looks at it as being on the bottom looking up, while you're on the top looking down.
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Posted by Amatayo
2008-07-10 23:12:21
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This poem had me wondering what was going on through the whole thing. And then you put in "he put down the bottle" which put this poem in perspective. The only thing that did not do it for me is the last two lines.
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Posted by indianaman130
2008-07-11 10:43:50
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Sorry you didn't get it Amatayo, though i don't know how you saw "he put down the bottle"? the line isn't in the poem. Its about how people see a bartender covered in tatoo's. Most men in the bar think shes a whore, while i wonder why she used her skin like canvas, and at the end, i realize im still looking down at her.
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Posted by chaabuk
2008-08-09 01:17:07
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This is a thoughtful sentiment on love. Although you are falling in love with this woman, there is a curiosity too to know her better. This is what a lover undergoes. Good work.
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Posted by harmattan
2008-08-12 08:56:17
well

This is my first visit to your pages. I am here because I think you might be an optimist, which will be a pleasant relief from some of the doom and gloom.

You also actually say something about yourelf in your profile, which is cleverer than being clever....

And I liked the poem. Coming for more.

Stay at the top of the well. And keep passing the open windows.

Kind regards

Harmattan
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