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Frantic, Chapter 1


This story may contain adult content.
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Written by Christian Wright   
Tuesday, 08 July 2008
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The last chapter of Frantic.

 

 

I stagger two steps back. My hand clutches onto the bullet wound in my abdomen. I force myself forward into the direction of my attacker. My face smirks as the gun fires two bullets into the man’s neck. A stray bullet shatters the light bulb and I am plunged into darkness. I close my eyes. I feel as my heart roars with ferocity and I devour the anger and hate that churns at my insides.

 

I savour the smell of blood as if a bottle of Château Margaux .I gladly listen to my attacker’s last rasping breath. The room illuminates and I am back in reality. I open my eyes and slowly soak up the room stopping to watch my wife. Her flower-patterned white dress is smudged with blood and grime. I cringe as her screams pierce the make-shift hospital room. Anna’s kneeling legs slip on the bloodied tiles and her long nails scrape the tiled floor.

 

I study the dead nurse beside me; her petite body is slumped against an over turned hospital bed. A doctor leans awkwardly against the nurse. I spit at the dead doctor that has a scalpel extruding from his eye.

 

“I warned you what happens when I get angry,” I say kicking the dead doctor’s body side ways.

 

The light in the room blinks and I turn towards the window watching the helicopter that is lighting the room. My burning reflection stares back at me. My face is etched with torment; my clothes ragged and bloodied. My toothless mouth grins back at me.

 

“I told you we could do it Christopher.”

 

I feel the good doctor inside me trying to regain control of my body. My right hand slips into my pocket grabbing the kitchen knife. I stare at my reflection watching the knife slice at my arm and I feel Frantic’s venom hold its grip onto my body.

 

I slowly turn to the dead attacker and then to the opposite corner. The silver haired man lies on the floor; his hand yanks at his tie then he tightens it around his bleeding leg. His trembling hand beckons at me.

 

“Christopher, put the gun down and come here.”

“MY NAME IS FRANTIC,” I scream. My foot stomps onto the floor. I walk briefly around the room ignoring the figure on the nurse’s desk. My wife’s cry has fallen to a light murmur. I frantically fumble at the hole in my stomach and then I stand opposite the silver haired man. The gun slips in my sweating hands.

 

“Were you involved in this?” I shout ignoring the loudspeaker outside that tells me “to drop the gun.”

 

The weary looking man attempts to stand but collapses against the recently painted wall. His hands wave into the air and shouts in a fluster.

 

“For Christ’s sake Christopher. How could you think that?”

 

I thunder towards the silver-haired man ignoring his pathetic pleas. My finger tightens around the trigger and I thud the barrel onto the man’s sweaty receding head.

 

“My name is not CHRISTOPHER.”

 

I take one step back and force the gun into the man’s head and I prepare to press the trigger. I stop as my wife’s bare feet tip-toes around the blood and medical instruments towards me. Anna’s lifeless fingers tug at my arm and her frigid breath scratches at my neck. I stare into her faded blue eyes watching the tears drag mascara down her face.

 

“It’s over Frantic,” Anna whispers.

 

“It’s never going to be over. I won’t let it,” I scream as I pull away from her.

 

Blood trickles from my stomach leaving a trail as I pounce around the room. Anna’s hands cling to my chin and her dull eyes call out to me.

 

“Christopher. I know you’re in there. It’s over. Let’s go home.”

 

My eyes move towards the body on the table.

 

“Don’t look at it,” a meek voice says in my head.

 

The walls around the polished room flash a hint of blue from the approaching police cars and the sirens briefly grab my attention.

 

“Christopher, this is yours,” The man yells.

 

The crumpled man slides a photo against the floor. I delicately pick up the photo and I study the family. A memory ignites in my mind. My son’s 10th birthday party; my wife poses elegantly for the camera while my son and I pull silly faces. My son’s chocolate-covered hands hover menacingly over my wife’s new dress.

 

“CHRISTOPHER,” Anna hisses.

 

I close my eyes and think of my son; his bright grin and his hug that would pinch at my shoulders. I think of my wife; the smile that could convince me that life was serenity and her gentle whisper as we made love. I feel like the good doctor again and I desperately force the torment back into its cage. Explosive rage pinches onto my spine not wanting to go back into its prison. It roars for more revenge and then it is gone.

 

I turn around the room looking for my most cherished possession. My hand grips the wound on my side and pain shoots around my veins. My weakening body pushes the gun to my side. Anna gasps when she recognises the man behind those blue eyes.

 

“Christopher.”

I weep uncontrollable and she pulls my face into her neck. I wait for the smell of apple blossom but all that greets me is misery.

 

“What have I done,” I cry. My eyes close not wanting too see the destruction around me.

 

Her lips caress my neck and her porcelain fingers dance in my hair. I feel her fingers entwine around my hand that holds the gun and her whisper tickle my ear.

 

"Let’s go home, my love.”

 

The pain in my stomach thrusts me to my knees. Police sirens from outside the tall building blankets my cries. Footsteps and barked orders scurry up the metal staircase towards me. I bury my head into Anna’s abdomen and I ignore her fingers that pull my hand towards my head. The warm barrel of the gun touches the side of my head and I ignore the man’s screams. I hear him tumble as his wounded leg fails him. My body shudders as I feel my wife lightly press my finger on the trigger. Red dots quiver around my chest from the snipers on the opposite roof.

 

Frantic has become my lover and it has pushed me through barriers that seemed impossible and I mourn now that it has deserted me and that I have become the self-pitying fool. But the funniest thing is that I never want to forget the man I had become and the beast that I foolishly denied for too long in my darkest thoughts. My story will be your breakfast, you will learn about Dr Christopher Steatham and his horrific crimes.But I doubt you will learn the truth, they would never allow that.

 

You will never learn of the loving father and husband that I was before they were taken from me. Maybe the snipers above me can hear my thoughts scream up the floorboards towards them. I want to re-live my journey once more before I go home with my wife. If you can hear me out in your comfortable lives I will tell you how I became Frantic.



Copyright 2008 Christian Wright
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Comments (18)
Posted by allmine
2008-07-08 15:37:44
....

What a prologue! I take it that there is more to come? If so, I can't wait. It is so good to see you back on here Christian. This prologue was written frantic, like a rush. I figured it out at the end, but I was confused for a time. But chalk that up to needing caffiene. I re-read it and it made more sense the second time around. Like I say, this is a great prologue
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Posted by philneale1952
2008-07-08 15:46:41
Frantic

It could also easily stand as a story in its own right.

The complicated thing with fiction(?) like this, is that if the writer is tempted to continue the story, they run the risk of spoiling a wonderful piece of flash fiction.

However the flip side is a 'What If' - would there be a missed chance is not making the extra effort?

I have no answer - a powerful piece......

'Porcelain fingers dance in my hair' - wonderfully descriptive line......

Phil
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Posted by elenalda
2008-07-08 16:53:23
....

This is a very ambitious piece, and I think for the most part you've fulfilled your ambition. However, it's still quite rough. Work on

-clarity

-realism

-mechanics (grammar & spelling)

and you should have a great bit of fiction going. I like a lot of your choices (naming a character Frantic, the slight muddiness & confusion) though some of them are not so pleasing to me (the nagging worry that I have that your character has split personality disorder, which is so rarely represented accurately--please, for my sake, if that's the case READ UP ON THE DISORDER.)

Sorry, pet peeve. Anyway. Keep working and fixing and writing!
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Posted by brandon_scott
2008-07-08 17:56:09
....

This is a great piece of fiction! However, elenalda is right: you need to be a little more clear, especially when the point of view changes from one person to another. That's tough to do, especially when it's told from a first person narration. You have your work cut out for you, but so far so good.
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Posted by r.e.potter
2008-07-08 19:47:04
Very Good/Thriller

This has a great feel to it. I could picture Bruce Willis in my mind acting(I say that loosely)out the main role as Frantic, or a man gone mad. Can't wait to see the rest. This story is moving at a fast pace, I only hope I can keep up. Great job at the revision. Not sure what Alenaldra is talking bout when she mentions spelling and other things. I thought this was fine and I had no problem understanding the story unfolding. You seemed to have taken your time with it and it came across as if you were a veteren writer. Not all stories come from children books. Did I mention this was intense.
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-07-08 20:03:30
....

Hell no, man, I like it how it's a mystery. I think you wrote this chapter perfectly. It was bloody intense and full of good descriptions. I didnt see any spelling errors, though. Not one. You are a very talented writer and I am looking forward for the next installemnt. I want to know the character's story. And the name, Frantic, is such a badass name. Superb work, my friend.
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Posted by alfred
2008-07-08 21:11:10
Hey mikey,,I like it

Not sure what to make of this story. In the beginning it was a lil confusing. But overall I guess it was a cool story. Laughing at your other comment about Bruce Willis staring the role...yippee I yo mother fucker. Would be perfect. Had some intense paragraphs and im not sure who Christopher is, Im guessing The alter ego of Frantic... Whats the guys story anyway. Ya know, im gonna change my comment to simply.. pretty awesome dude.
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Posted by elenalda
2008-07-08 23:49:02
....

The error I saw was "alluminates"--should be "illuminates". I figured there might have been more that I missed ("uncontrollable" vs "uncontrollably"). Some other specifics about mechanics include, amusingly enough in light of r.e. potter's recent outburst, hyphen problems. You have words serving as modifiers of nouns that ought to be hyphenated but aren't (they should be: "chocolate-covered hands", "flower-patterned dress,"). That's the main grammar issue, but you also need few commas for clarity and...something else. Maybe it was a semicolon. Don't remember.

But I stick to what I said--this has potential to be such a rad, amazing story and just needs work. The more ambitious and complicated, the more work, though it always leads to superior pieces.
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Posted by Pookerdoo
2008-07-11 05:49:56
Roller Coaster

I won't reiterate the mechanics issues, it looks like you have plent of help in that category.

What i will say is that the staggered/broken thought through-out the story "ADDED" to the broken psyche of the character. I felt that Frantic/Christian had as much control of who was speaking/acting out as the reader has in following along. This whole story was a thrill ride for me as the characters fought for contol of my attention. I loved it.
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Posted by MeredithsMontage
2008-07-11 17:40:46
....

This was so intriguing, I cannot wait for more. Keep it up.
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Posted by lemon
2008-07-13 16:13:07
....

Wonderful job! I thought this was well told. Frantic was a perfect name for the title/character since this story/prologue was very fast paced. Nice descriptions as well, I had no trouble picturing the gruesome scene. Bring on the next chapter! =]
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Posted by SageSyren
2008-07-14 11:00:01
Amazing

I thought this was just amazing. I can't wait to see what lends up to this. Is the son dead? Alive? I understand that the wife is dead, but how did that happen? What happened before this to creat 'Frantic'? Lots of questions...
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Posted by CDeCarlo
2008-07-17 15:54:32
....

I can't tell who's who, its a little confusing. I'm riveted, though, and I want to hear more if your willing to write more. I'm looking forward to the coming chapters.
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Posted by Tom Shandruk
2008-07-25 00:36:31
....

That's a damn fine chapter you have there. This is my favorite area to write in (psych), and I could never write a full-fledged story this well! Very well done, you have my 5 :D
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Posted by Tarhead Mugwump
2008-07-25 13:41:49
way to go christian!

sometimes, i think it's got to be a scary place inside your head!

i read the comments and thought that it's interesting the way the waves went...

all of us have our favorite authors in the real world, and we never sit and say "had he done this" or "had he done that" the story would have been better...

i think that as we become familiar with an author's style, we adapt to how they relate a story. you've removed many of your original stories - so many of the new folks haven't had that benefit.

well done!

write on!
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