Awakening of Minds (Part One)

So there I was, looking once more at the device on the...

From Stagnant Water

The rain had finally stopped. After two days of...

This World is Cold
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Written by Amatayo   
Monday, 07 July 2008


Set me free, set me free.

Don't hold me back, or say I'm bleak.

Conceal my voice so I can't speak.

Tie me up so I can't leap.




Why am I, first to be last.

To be held in contempt by my class.

Walked upon just like grass.

And pushed aside just as fast.


So please don't hold me to blame.

When I do die in the rain.

And don't you cry for my shame.

For this is life, and life is pain.



Copyright 2008 Amatayo
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Comments (7)
Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-07-07 21:18:17
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i spotted a typo thingy. "and you dont you cry for my shame"

that doesnt really sound right, is that what you meant to say?

Hmm...I have to say the first stanza didnt seem right. kind of rough. but the rest of the poem was some good stuff. well done.
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Posted by Kasi elaborated
2008-07-07 21:37:07
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You did very well with the rhyming, and it sounded fine to me. This poem is short and sweet, to the point..... It's symetrical for lack of a better word.
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Posted by indianaman130
2008-07-08 01:48:29
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a short emotional piece full of disdain for class segregation with a hopeless undertone that screams for someone to blame other than the speaker. how i felt it anyway, like how a critic feels about a painting, how you use words lets people know how you think.
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Posted by r.e.potter
2008-07-08 06:40:34
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Not sure I understand want your saying here. Sounds like your being bullied in class and you kill yourself,,,dunno though. Nice job however.
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Posted by brandon_scott
2008-07-08 14:56:56
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I thought it was pretty good. I like the meaning of what your saying. I wrote a poem like it back in high school that I'll have to post sometime.

I have to disagree with Kasi, though. I thought the rhymes were a bit off. I'm pretty anal about that kind of stuff. In a rhyming poem words should rhyme, not sound kinda the same. That's just my own thought, though. Good meaning behind the poem, though.
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Posted by alfred
2008-07-08 21:33:19
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What is this about my dear Amatayo. Kinda like to know what I just read, but then I just read a rap song on here, so I will give this a 5...at least you seem to kno who you are.
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Posted by colemoriss
2008-07-08 22:57:03
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this was a realy good poem.sad, as expected. i wrote a poem similar to this when i was in school. it was titled, life through cold eyes. it was similar. not the same words or anything, but the same emmotion. like i said, this was realy good.
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Last Updated ( Monday, 07 July 2008 )
 
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