If The Sun Didn't Rise

IF THE SUN DIDN'T RISE BY JON STALK...

Pretty Fly for a Russian Guy

Hans Goober jogged the four and a half miles to the...

The Invention Of Uncertainty, Chapter 2


This story may contain adult content.
User Rating: / 5
PoorBest 
Written by Kasi   
Monday, 07 July 2008
Image


Lucas’eyes pierced the veil of uncertainty thrusting its glare like electricity surging its shortest path straight to her life force, leaving her weak. Her legs felt malleable resembling churned butter. She sensed the pressure of vast air building in her lungs, as she let out a breath masked by length, Lucas asked, “Well, have you given it a thought?” His broad brow led the serious tone in his voice, she noticed his long brown hair had begun to slowly free it’s self from the leather tie holding it fast from his eyes, sweat beaded at his temples, his pink lips plump with tension.  “No, I haven’t given it much thought” she responded with a distant mood that seemed to trail as she looked toward the brigade of horses moving through the street, her heart pounded with pain, she didn’t want to help him, this wasn’t her area of expertise; it was his.

She knew his past, and his slight of hand. She witnessed impressionable children amazed at his ability to make a single piece of silver vanish, and then reappear as two. An eager child was once so quick to give his penny, believing the enchantment of Lucas’ magic would make him a swift profit. When in return the boy learned his penny had been turned into a small hunk of toffee, for a simple farm boy, candy was scarce and his eyes widened with excitement. Sweets of this caliber were rare in the poor mid-western farmlands, but the boy was oblivious to the cost of toffee in the highly populated townships we traveled through two days ago, nearly a penny for a handful.

Yes he swindled children, but always left them more satisfied than they were with their hard earned penny. When I asked him if his deed made him feel guilty he would reply, “ What are coins to children? Mere trinkets to train their dejected burden of growing up, he’ll be better off with candy”. His illusionary actions were his main focus, and mine would be of him.

      Jessamine noticed Josiah and Seth making their way through the crowd, toward the carriages. “ They are coming back, they must have found a place to camp.”  Frustrated from her diversion, and the wariness of arduous travel, Lucas sighed, “ Jess, you must ride with me, we need to talk more”. Jessamine’s heart jumped, she didn’t want to prolong this query, but she hadn’t an answer to give. She knew he was using her emotions to fuel his deceptiveness.

“There is a farm five miles south offering land to set up camp for a penny a carriage”, this was very reasonable price for the number of people traveling together. “The clerk at the trade post said it’s a large farm, and they close their gates promptly at dusk”. Neglecting his proposal, Jessamine rode with her bother and younger cousin, Ella.

The farm was busy with passing populace carrying buckets of water and bails of hay for their horses. This farm had been exceptionally generous by making necessities for boarding available at a certain price. They parked their train of carriages. The closest campers to their right had their fire roaring already, with a big black pot steaming over it.  Jessamine notice the old wrinkled face of the woman watching her brew with vain dissatisfaction, she felt the suffering of displaced souls. Damn that war, for it had cost everyone so much.

 Jessamine could see the wear in Josiah's eyes too, he was almost twenty three and could easily pass for something close to thirty, providing for what’s left of his family made him grow into a man that the wasn’t quite yet ready to accept; his skin tanned by the relentless sun, and folds seemed to form around an almost resistant smile. “Hey Jess, why don’t you and Lucas go fetch some fire wood,” he said with a voice. “No more firewood” a man bellowed from behind while stacking twigs and braches along side a makeshift tent.  "We had to fetch some from along the trail, straight through the camp down the left fence; there’s an opening big enough for a carriage to pass”. “Thank you sir", Josiah answered.

She was hesitant about riding with Lucas, its not that she hadn’t been in his carriage before, it was just they had never rode alone. We are only collecting firewood, she said to herself. She felt his eyes persuading her to look back.  She didn’t. She pondered the inevitable; Lucas broke the silence “ I think it could work, Jess.” “ What if we were to get caught?” she replied. “ It’s simple, I have being thinking of it for weeks now”, “No its not simple, this will take months, we will have to instill the trust of strangers, befriend them, then what; rape them of a fortune they have worked hard for”. “You make it sound so vile” he said. “Well it is”, she answered.

They rode through the thick brush along a dirt path, the horses steady at their tedious pace. The brush path had been plucked free of a burnable matter. “ I think we'll find dry wood through those bushes just ahead”.  Jessamine could feel the eyes of apparitions who she swore, walked before the wagon. Not a grain of sand moved or blew about, for there was no wind. The path had begun to curve significantly to the right. Jessamine was astonished to find herself staring upon three well built houses that seemed to appear out of nowhere, delicately crafted with decorative lattice work. They resembled the ginger bread homes her mother used to make. Looking around, she didn’t notice a single soul. She asked herself how such prominent homes could be left baron of the people who built them. No one at the camp had mentioned any other homes nearby, or farms to steer clear of. “Will you look at that”, Lucas said, “copper roofs in the dessert.”

The road became increasingly rugged, causing the wagon to sway restlessly against the rocks. The horse became uneasy with the shift of earth beneath his thin legs. With a sudden snap, the entire wagon fell to its right side. Throwing Jessamine toward the ground, the blue sky whirled around her as time seemed to slow immensely. She felt the wind whip her hair,  stinging her eyes. The inflexible ground caused her lungs to exhaust its contents with immense pain, she tried to cry out but no sound would escape her lips.

 

To Be Continued.



Copyright 2008 Kasi
No Comments posted
Comments (8)
Posted by philneale1952
2008-07-07 16:44:45
Yes

Good descriptive narrative of the journey and surroundings. Don't like stories going straight for the jugular.

A good steady pace leaves plenty of room to build up whatever plot you have in mind, and character development is extremely important.

Fleshing out the two main players early will keep the reader hanging in there.

Will keep a look out for the next one.

Phil
+ Report this comment

Posted by r.e.potter
2008-07-07 17:03:41
....

Saw Phils comment on this and it made me want to read this so I went and read the first chapter also,,,This story kinda for me has the feel of the story 'Black Beauty'..not that its about a horse, but it just for some reason has that feel. Thats not being negative, its just kinda slowwwww going. I like your style and will keep an eye out for your continued chapters...theres something bout you I like. Also,,cookingwine had some good points....did I just agree with cookingwine..."Honey," as I yell down the stairs. "I need a drink."
+ Report this comment
Posted by Kasi elaborated
2008-07-07 18:46:12
....

Hey thanks. It is a bit slow, but it should pick up in the next chapter, It's starting to feel like a novel to me rather than a short story.
+ Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-07-07 19:45:46
....

Yeah, this has the potential to be a novel.

I like how its kind of going slow in the beginning. Makes me wonder what's going to happen. I can feel something epic about to take place for some reason. Again, great choice of words and very good grammer. I'm still hanging on, waiting for the next chapter.
+ Report this comment

Posted by Kasi elaborated
2008-07-07 20:54:02
!

I have yet to start the newest chapter, so it may take me sometime to spin it out.. I know mostly what I will write, I just have to elaborate it. lol. any way, thanks for the motivating comments!
+ Report this comment
Posted by indianaman130
2008-07-08 11:03:59
....

usually the bad guys take candy FROM kids, loved the twist, makes more sense too. 1 sentence i would rewrite "Easily malleable, her legs felt like churned butter." I only say that cause "as" is used 4 times in first paragraph, and Baron is royalty, barren is empty. It was so good those were the only 2 things i could nit-pick over.
+ Report this comment
Posted by cookingWine
2008-07-20 21:44:17
....

I think this is a step up from the first chapter in a few ways, or at least, a step in a different direction.

Either way, a good one.

I'd be wary of getting into the novel idea of a story. This doesn't have the making of a novel so far, too quickly developing.

Keep it at this pace, actionwise, and I think you'll be set.

I like where it's going and I'll keep up with it, as long as you keep up the strong word choice and the solid story building.

Keep on.

-CS
+ Report this comment

Posted by JonStalk
2008-08-22 21:07:00
....

Story seems to be picking up, and the narrative has a really nice flow to it, not to mention how your description flows so nicely. I am curious, as all writers are, I think, as to where the idea came from and the setting. It's a really nice story so far; Looking forward to the next installment. Keep up the nice work.
+ Report this comment
Last Updated ( Tuesday, 08 July 2008 )
 
< Prev   Next >

Remove Ads