Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-07-05 15:04:34
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You could tell that you put a lot of emotions and passion into this poem. I liked the rhyming in this one. It kind of sounded like a rap song, though :(
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Posted by Pilgrim
2008-07-05 16:17:35
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To shade its light? Did you mean to shine its light? So many "ways"? "Lawyers motto"? Lost the rythm near the end as lies and ability didn't go together.
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Posted by A.T.O.M.
2008-07-05 17:13:37
well
what i was trying to say was hard to rhyme but thanks for the comments
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Posted by Xena
2008-07-05 18:57:01
what i meant to say
was..im not sure
i get the last castanza... so we shouldnt set culprits free... from agony... even though a culrprit or is he found guilty or is he innocent?,... and god and the church should be kept out of politics
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Posted by Something Indecent
2008-07-05 22:09:00
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This did sound like it could be a song. Be it rap, punk, alternative, or polka. I liked the scheme you had.
It does seem like it needs some cleaning up but after that it could be pretty good.
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Posted by indianaman130
2008-07-06 00:16:37
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good stuff, id add an 'a' to this line "Justice delayed in so many way" so it would end in "many a way", makes it plural. Love the political stuff, get angry and feel something, do something, just don't break a law.
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Posted by lemon
2008-07-06 00:20:17
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I liked the concept of the poem, but it does need some cleaning up. you express yourself very well in your work. keep it coming =]
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-07-08 21:58:19
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i agree with Lemon. the concept was likeable for me, and the emotion seemed right. but i just feel like it needs to be fixed up.
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