Posted by Pilgrim
2008-07-02 16:39:22
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Good. One mispelled word, "Tear."
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Posted by Amatayo
2008-07-02 16:44:27
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Oh no it is "Tare" like to tare apart or well I think that's how its spelled. I hope the grammar Nazi's don't catch it. ( HA HA HA HA)
And if everyone did not see the post on the other death. We are having a competition, to see who can write a better death so read both and say which is better, and enjoy.
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Posted by Pilgrim
2008-07-02 16:46:23
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Hey Amatayo, read To Whom Cancer Took. Try to get a message on both sides without ruining the content. It's very HARD! I'm curious what you can do.
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Posted by Amatayo
2008-07-02 16:53:40
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A I did read your poem to whom cancer took and I have to say it would be incredible hard for me to do that so congrats on that even though its about the death of your mother. (Tears flow because my dad died. But I did not cry. Man I must have ADD because keep getting distracted in my comments.) Anyway I could probably do that but it would take me hours or maybe days because to have a message on both sides must have been tough.
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Posted by Pilgrim
2008-07-02 16:58:43
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Though that poem was emotionally very difficult to finish, I enjoyed the new style. It can be fun, liking putting a puzzle together. With your dual personality, I think you might come up with something good.
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Posted by Amatayo
2008-07-02 17:01:30
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Yeah most people have not picked up on that. But I have been throwing the idea about having me and the dark me write a poem together to see how it would sound. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I guess I am really going crazy.
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Posted by Behind_the_Mask
2008-07-02 17:18:43
Good poem.
Hmm I like the different style.
By the way it is Tear.
Tare-
1. Any of several weedy plants that grow in grain fields
2. The weight of a container
Tear-
1. To pull apart or into pieces by force
2. A profusion of this liquid spilling from the eyes and wetting the cheeks, especially as an expression of emotion.
Not trying to be a grammar Nazi but it was already mentioned it and I get messed up stuff like this as well so I thought I would help.
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Posted by lemon
2008-07-02 17:55:19
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I liked this! it was good. you used the letters to spell DEATH without compromising the poem. what i mean is, you didnt pick any old word just because it started with whatever letter. Nice job
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Posted by Dirkin
2008-07-02 18:15:47
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Nice to see you experimenting with your construction. Variety in your poetry will keep you from going stale, or seeming like you post the same poems over and over. Who wrote the 'other death'?
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Posted by Amatayo
2008-07-02 18:20:41
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Some other writer messaged me and said he wanted to see if he could out write me so I was like HELLZ YEAH LET'S GET IT ON.
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-07-02 22:20:12
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i thought this was probably your best poem that i have read so far. and i think it's obvious that you won your competition.
but seriously, why do you have so many profiles on this site?? why do you rate your own pieces??
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Posted by ams
2008-07-02 22:31:30
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ya definately one of the better poems by you, good job. i really enjoyed reading it. the structure was also pretty cool how you spelt death
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Posted by Amatayo
2008-07-03 00:48:25
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a resistanceisfreedom what do you mean have so many profiles? I only have this one amatayo.
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Posted by allmine
2008-07-03 08:51:00
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This was much better than the other two Death poems. This was more heartwrenching. I at frist made myself read it, but I am glad that I did. See, poetry shouldn't be just words, they should be pieces of your soul
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Posted by slavetolove
2008-07-03 15:53:48
Well then
i have to profiles yes and i put up the other two crappy ones so you'll read it and just be amazed at how bad they are and put up this real one and have it look better
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