Death

Death is when your loved one must depart

 Death is a sharp pain to the heart

Death is a feeling of permanent sadness and pain

Death is when your loved ones have forever gone away

Death is an eternal mansion or cell

Death is a lesson to learn about

Death is a loss,without a doubt

Death is an unhappy feeling to have

Death is unpleasant on anyone's behalf

Death is something we all will go through

Death is a strom waiting to brew 

Death is a lingering crow always overhead

Death is soul,done being fed 

Keyword: Death

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Comments (9)

Posted by soulwriter 2008-07-02 16:29:04 .... Pretty good, the last two lines were easily the best - why does it stop the rhyming scheme near the start? Don't worry so much about rhyming - a few lines feel more cliched/clumsy than they should because of the rhyming and "unhappy feeling to have" sounds really trite and uninspired. Also, spelling mistakes "strom". Otherwise, well done. + Report this comment
Posted by Pilgrim 2008-07-02 16:36:42 .... Some of the comparisons you used didn't fit with death. Death is the absence of life, and life produces feelings and makes us who we are, both negative and positve. Life consists of the good and the bad, you must have both, for they complement each other. However, to really know what death feels like, well, I guess you would have to be dead. + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-07-02 16:39:45 .... I really liked the last line of this poem. Even though I inspired it. ( HA HA HA HA. Nice to see people are learning form my poems.) But why did the rhyming just fell apart in the middle. I mean I know poems don't have to rhyme but if you start it, might as well finish it. And everyone you will see to death poems one is by me and the other, well here. We are having a small competition so if you want to compare and say which is better it will help. + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-07-02 17:51:18 .... I didn't think it was bad. I liked it, but some of the lines didnt make much sense to me. 'Death is an eternal mansion or cell' Cell is accurate in my opinion, but not mansion. 'Death is an unhappy feeling to have' what? I thought the last four lines (minus the spelling error) were the ones that made the poem. =] + Report this comment
Posted by Dirkin 2008-07-02 18:20:08 .... Having each line start with 'death is a..' made the flow seem wrong to me. I think you have summed up death nicely, but this poem didnt sit right for some reason... sorry not very helpful am I + Report this comment
Posted by r.e.potter 2008-07-02 19:48:26 .... Death is having to read both these poems. + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-07-02 22:05:32 .... yea, this just wasn't what i was expecting. it just didn't feel like this was a successful approach to describing death. i think you could have done alot better than what you have produced here. + Report this comment
Posted by allmine 2008-07-03 08:36:17 .... Wasn't the worst poem I have ever read, but it is kinda blase. It's like you didn't give enough of a crap to think about how you truly felt about it. Dig down deep and pull out the feelings + Report this comment
Posted by A.T.O.M. 2008-07-05 13:27:41 Yes yeah you started rhyming then you stopped and started is this the same person that wrote the other deaths or what? + Report this comment

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