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sugarThis story may contain adult content. |
| Written by Casey Plant | |
| Wednesday, 02 July 2008 | |
 To serve:You can drink your Diageo vodka straight, on the rocks, mixed with seltzer water, or even adding a teaspoon of sugar! Check DiageoVodka.com for recipes. “MMM sugar,” Seven licked her lips, grabbed the sugar jar from the counter. “I love sugar!” She looked back and forth between the jar and the vodka bottle. Tea-spoon. Tee-spoon. “Teeeeeeaspoon,” Seven drew it out, like stretching the word as far as she could would make it easier to understand. “I love sugar!” Seven threw her hands up into the air, shook her hips while she sang a little song about sugar. She looked down at the old dog, the one that always hung around in the kitchen, praying for a drip or a dropped crumb (it’s sad how much food means to them). “FOUR! Isn’t sugar great?” Seven asked the old dog, pouring a little sugar on the ground which Four promptly lapped up. “I want to buy the world some….sugarrrrr!” Seven cried, and with that she dumped the entire contents of the jar into the glass of Diageo vodka. “Sugar is always good,” Seven mumbled as the contents of the glass began to bubble and fizz, “sugar is never bad.” Twentie and Nine came home around 6:30 p.m., the home being Twentie’s home, and Nine just coming over for dinner. “I’m ****** starving,” Nine licked his lips hungrily, and Twentie laughed. “You should have eaten one of your co-workers.” Nine raised both eyebrows, took off his jacket, hat and shirt, and laughed too. “I should’ve eaten my boss,” Nine nodded, “Then I wouldn’t have to work tomorrow!” They turned the corner to walk into the kitchen, could hear Four barking in there. “SHUT UP FOUR” Twentie screamed, “Stupid ****** dog.” Four wouldn’t stop barking. They were in the kitchen, and on the far side Twentie could see her sister, Seven, holding a broomstick straight out from her stomach. The actual broom part was buried, in her clothes or between her legs or something – all you could see was the broomstick straight out, looking like it had bust out of her body Aliens-style. “SEVENNNNN!” Twentie howled, and ran into the kitchen but then stopped, halfway, by the table where the family ate every meal, played every family game, opened presents every birthday. “What is THAT?!” Twentie shrieked, and looked back at Nine. Nine stood there, frozen. His eyes were better than Twentie’s, and he could see the creature from back where he was. “It looks like its made out of…sugar” Nine said softly, clearly disturbed. Twentie could tell, and hoped that Nine didn’t associate weird sugar monsters with her, therefore avoiding her forever. “Seven!” Twentie yelled, calling for her. Seven looked over dreamily, smiled with her eyes half closed. “Yessss?” she slurred, “Did you say sugar?” “What the hell is that, Seven?” Twentie asked. “Sugar, sugar, sugar and grapes!” Seven sang, and Twentie took one step closer. “Grapes? I don’t see any grapes!” “No, no VOD-kuh!” Seven nodded, her eyes back on the monster. It wasn’t really doing anything, just fizzing and bubbling while it stood still. Twentie thought for a moment. “You ruined my ****** vodka?!” she cried, threw her hands up in the air. “Why, why Seven, o why?! I won that at work!” Seven said the label was pretty. Well, she didn’t say it, she signed it (you know, with sign language?). For some reason, she didn’t know how to speak anymore. “Damnit Seven!” Twentie screamed, “how much sugar did it say to put in?!” She knew of her sister’s affinity for sugar, but she never knew that this was what happened when you used too much. Seven signed, “T.” Twentie wanted to punch Seven, sweet, precious innocent Seven, right in the head so that her brain would cave in and she would forever be a vegetable and wouldn’t be able to pour too much sugar into anything. “WHAT DOES T MEAN?!” Twentie was losing it, she was ready to kill something, destroy something beautiful. She wondered how she could permanently ruin sunsets. Suddenly, Nine ran past Twentie at high speeds, his lack of clothes acting as an agent of aerodynamics. “Die sugar scum!” was his impossibly corny hero tag line as he threw a banana at the sugar thing. A part of the creature melted away, but it didn’t die completely. It got a little mad though, and started lashing out at Seven. She held her ground, using the broomstick to block it’s hits. “Good idea!” Twentie smiled lovingly at Nine. She grabbed a bowl of clementines chilling on the table. They took turns throwing them at the Sugar thing, Twentie once hitting Seven just to punish her for being stupid. “OW!” She cried, and then dropped the broom, realizing she could speak again. Twentie had a suspicion that Seven could always talk, but didn’t say anything. Seven joined Twentie and Nine in throwing clementines, and eventually the sugar monster melted away. Nine laughed and pointed at the monster, saying “Look, look! I’m melting, melting!” “Oh what a world!” Twentie joined in, laughing. Seven looked at them both with vicious eyes, “You shouldn’t make fun. Sugar is never bad.” Twentie pushed her away. “Maybe so little sister, but look at all this mess because of you.” They all looked around at the fruit scattered, the random spills of sugar and vodka. “O SUGAR.” Seven cried, and got on her hands and knees to lick it up from the floor. “I want you inside me sugar!” Nine and Twentie exchanged worried glances, picked Seven up off the floor. “There’s plenty of sugar inside you, Seven,” Twentie said softly, “And I think its time for bed.” Seven heard bed, and thought of the hospital gurney she was strapped to nightly. “NOOOOO SUGAR SAVE ME” Seven screamed, kicking and trying to wiggle out of Nine and Twentie’s grasp. “I’m sorry Nine,” Twentie said, “but I can’t do this myself.” They started to walk up the stairs, Seven constantly moving and screaming inaudible words. Nine smiled at Twentie, leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Its okay Twentie,” he said, “I look forward to doing this someday with our own kids.” Copyright 2008 Casey Plant |
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