Another Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure pt. 5'
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Written by alyreche
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Wednesday, 15 August 2007 |
As the date September 20th approaches I am feeling nauseous because I am actually turning 29 years old and I feel I am not where I am supposed to be. Yeah I have my own place and I have a good job but relationship wise I suck! I should be getting ready to walk down the aisle and say I Do!Zoë you suck! I am so determined to find Mr. Right that I keep landing with Mr. Wrong. I think the problem is that I want to be back with Ryan so bad that I don’t want to meet anyone new. I feel like this is just another break up and we will be ok, but this last one was a big one and a lot of things happen to the both of us and forgiveness is not an option. I know it would be stupid to go back but he was my heart at one point and I feel torn between the truth and the lie. I finally saw Ryan’s new car he just bought up close and between my imaginary friend and me, it is really nice. I love it but I can’t tell anyone that. He is really doing well for himself and I am proud of him but why not do that when we were together? Men are so backwards. I was jealous and hurt because I wanted him to suffer but he is doing the opposite actually. I knew I had to pick up the damaged pieces in my life and get it together. I have a good job and I am making my way and I refuse not to get what I want and that was a new car as well. I thought that if I wait to fix certain things that I would be fine but I realize time waits for no one and you have to live your life to the fullest and yesterday I drove off the lot with a new Nissan Altima. I am really proud of myself because I have been so discouraged since my break-up with Ryan that I didn’t feel I could get anything new in my life. I am so blessed and I tell God thanks every chance I get but it’s amazing how well we both are doing now without one another. I went to take my friend Melanie home and I actually saw his mom who made it her business to come to Melanie’s house to see if my kids were over because she saw my car outside. I can’t stand her ass. She does things to provoke me and that whole family is a mess. I am so glad that my kid’s are in NC visiting so they don’t have to be around this mess. I think his family loves that we are not together and that he don’t want to be bothered with his kids. They are miserable creatures and need to be destroyed. Just kidding, but an island on the other side of the world wouldn’t hurt. I haven’t been with anyone since Sam, my Brooklyn boo and he calls me to let me know how he doing up in Riker’s but that type of drama is not me and I have done the visits with Ryan enough to know that I can’t go in that direction anymore. He is a sweet, honest man but he is not for me. When he gets out, he can look me up and we can have dinner again and maybe a breakfast but until then I think I am going to fly solo until I get my baggage taken care of. I let go of Gary for good and thank God I didn’t sleep with his annoying ass because he is a waste of my time. It was easy to let Gary go because I was tired of him anyway and his dull conversations but when it comes to Ryan, it’s another story. Ryan has let go now it’s my turn. I ask myself all the time, why do I still love this man when he did me so wrong and still no answer. There has to be a good man out there for me, this can’t be the end! Stay tuned for pt. 6
Copyright 2007 alyreche
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Last Updated ( Monday, 20 August 2007 )
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